Chapter 13

                                    

                                          
Tim POV: 
                          
Kim won't let me work... She told me "take time off for yourself". I just want a sense of normalcy, and working gives me that. 
                          
Faith has been distant, but I can understand that. I can tell she's torn between giving me space and wanting to push me to be with the kids. In the month since my diagnosis, I've seen them the same amount of time as I did before. To them, things are normal. Faith and I haven't exactly told them about what's going on, primarily because we have no idea how to begin that conversation. How do you tell three little girls that their father will be dead within the year? 
                          
October 6th... That's the projected day I'll die. Ironically, it's also my wedding anniversary with Faith. She doesn't know that's the day, and I'll probably never tell her, because that'll just freak her out. She seems to be more panicked about all of this than I am. 
                          
Of course, now that my symptoms are beginning to grow worse, I'm beginning to worry. I'll either die of heart failure, or suffocation... either way, it won't be a pleasant way to die. I've thought about suicide, a lot actually. I think I'd rather take a handful of sleeping pills and die peacefully in my sleep, instead of being unable to breathe for three or four minutes until my lungs give out. At the same time, I've obsessed over when I'd do it. I know that before long, I'll be too sick to do things on my own, and my nurse will have to be around more often, leaving me a smaller window. I also don't want to do it too early, taking away time I could be spending with the girls. 
                          
I feel my phone buzz, taking me away from the blank page I've been staring at for the last half hour. I pick it up, taking a deep breath as I hear Faith's voice on the other line. 
                          
"Hey! I uh... I was wondering if you could come down to the studio. I wanted to talk to you about something." She says, making me sigh. I look at the clock, before looking back down at the page on my coffee table again. 
                          
"Alright." I answer, knowing she's smiling on the other end of the line. "Give me fifteen, and I'll be there." I add, standing up slowly and grabbing my keys. 
                          
The drive there is short, and I pull into the parking lot five minutes early, preparing myself for whatever she's planning. She seemed a little too eager for it to be innocent... I walk into the studio, waving to the receptionist, before walking back to the main room, where she sits with my producer, Byron. 
                          
"Hey!" She announces, seeming to be overjoyed by my presence. She walks over and gives me a hug, my producer simply shaking my hand, before I sit down on the couch, staying on the opposite end from Faith. My producer sits in an office chair in front of a soundboard, turned back to look at us. It seems like they've been recording all day. "So... Byron and I had an idea that we wanted your take on." She starts, sitting on her knees, making the leather couch under us squeak with every slight movement. 
                          
"Okay..." I let out apprehensively. 
                          
"So, you remember the song you started, that I finished?" She asks, making my chest hurt already. 
                          
"Vaguely." I answer, although I can remember almost every word. She smiles at Byron, before glancing my way again. 
                          
"Well, we recorded it... I mean, we still need your permission and all... But it's missing something. We both think your vocals on it would fit really well." She rambles, as Byron turns back to the soundboard. I sit for a moment, thinking hard on it. The track would bring so much conspiracy to our relationship, just as it's starting to become stable again. "I tried to do the background vocals myself, and it just doesn't sound right, but if I get you on the vocals, I think that'd be insanely powerful. Instead of me repeating myself, it'd be two people who are wondering how the other is moving on, and I think that would be incredible to hear." She runs on, seeming excited about the idea.