Explained

                                    

                                          
I woke up, opened my eyes and tried to assess  where I was. I looked at the whitewashed ceiling and the glaring electric lights. Oh damn! I was in the hospital. I felt a pain in my arm and peered down to see a pink cannula head with a needle inserted into my veins, connected to a bottle of normal saline.
                          
They had provided me nutrition through the intravenous route. Oh darn them! I was well and truly a mental patient as far as any health professional here knew.  My mother probably thought the same too. Only I know why I suffer, what I feel. I don't want anybody to know. The pain in my empty heart was something I could  never share with anyone.
                          
I tried to pull my hands to my eyes to shield them. But they were still restrained. Swallowing my anger I tried to reflect on what I had seen in my dreams.
                          
I was so amazed to see myself carefully assessing the disturbing dreams. I was being able to keep so calm when I should have been screaming to know what happened to Dmitriy. But here I was surprisingly calm.
                          
Guess I had surrendered myself to fate. Whatever had happened was past. What if Dmitriy lived or died? Why would it affect my life now? How would it affect? I had no answer. So I try to analyse the dreams critically. 
                          
A hint of hope formed somewhere in my heart. Maybe, (wishful thinking) Dmitriy was saved. Maybe he is still alive. This not knowing what happened, was really being my death. I just couldn't stand this darkness even more. I had to know what happened next. But how?
                          
The answer came in the form of my regular doctor. Doctor Philips, my psychologist and psycho-analyst, just entered at that moment with my mother in tow.
                          
" Hello Miss Rosella, how do you  feel now?"
                          
"I would feel better if you just removed those restraints from my wrists. You of all people should know that I am not a violent psycho," I say as calmly as possible, spilling out all my disdain in these few words.
                          
He looked apologetic, "Sure Miss. We had you restrained for your own safety. If you guarantee us that you will not go for any kind of self harm, then we will be most happy to release you."
                          
"Just release me and let me give the explanations for my actions. If you are truly a doctor, I guess you will understand," I put as much command into my voice as possible.
                          
He looked surprised and came to my bedside. Then he leaned down and untied my hands. I heaved a sigh of relief and tore away the straps on my wrist. Massaging my bruised arm I looked up at him and said," Thank you for trusting me."
                          
"Miss Lytton, I want to ask you," he said very cautiously, " Do you remember the meaning of those dreams now?" 
                          
I lowered my eyes, " I do and I need your help."
                          
I looked at my mother. She was watching everything with a pale face. I was already giving her a lot of trouble. No way was I going to tell anything in front of her. 
                          
Doctor Philips caught my hint and said, " Umm..Mrs Lytton, could you please give me a minute alone with my patient?"
                          
My mother surprisingly did not protest and left the room, but not before shooting a warning glance in his direction. He nodded reassuringly and turned towards me.
                          
" Your mother doesn't want you to remember the past, she has warned me to discourage you from bringing forth memories. And I feel the same too. It is adversely affecting your health. You had just been out for 10 hours. This is taking a toll  on you. So as a doctor I cannot say such things but as a human being and as a friend I tell you, I would have done the same in your situation. I can never know exactly how difficult it is but I know you are in a lot of pain. I want you to try and remember everything so that you could be free, once and for all."
                          
I was amazed at the truth and the compassion in his words. 
                          
" I'll tell you everything but Sir, you have to tell me the cause why it happens," I look at him expectantly.
                          
"I am all ears."
                          
And then I began telling all about my meeting with Dmitriy, how our relationship developed into more than friendship, how he understood me and completed me. I told him everything about Jason and the shooting. By the time I came to that part I was hysterical. I laughed at one moment and cried at the very next. I was losing control of my mind and the thoughts were slipping from it. I just couldn't train my thoughts in a particular direction.
                          
Somehow I could complete the narration and looked at him expectantly. His face was a perfect mask thorough which no single emotion could slip through.
                          
"Doc, why is this happening to me? Am I slipping into mental imbalance? Shall I go mad in a course of time? Why did I forget this incident?It's not normal, is it?" 
                          
I wanted all the answers. Doc looked thoughtful. Finally he pulled up a chair and sat down beside my bed. I could feel his dilemma, it was as if he was searching for an appropriate answer to give me. 
                          
Finally clearing his throat he said, " Miss Rosella, this is a different type of psychological condition. This is called morbid forgetting. When someone suffers from a severe shock which shakes them, the person tends to forget that incident. The mind, to protect the brain from further harm, pushes that particular incident to the back of the mind. That incident is blocked and thrown into oblivion and then when someone tries to retrieve it then they have to stress their mind."
                          
He stopped for a moment trying to assess how far I was understanding and then getting a positive response he continued, "This stress makes the brain work hard and maybe due to poor blood supply the oxygen  does not reach the tissues. This causes the dizziness and blackout."
                          
Well that was an explanation. But I had to know more.
                          
"But why am I remembering now? When I had forgotten for so many years,"I asked.
                          
"This type of forgetting," he explained, "needs a trigger to bring back memories. A shock makes a person forget. Another  shock triggers the return of memories. If you suddenly see anything related to that lost  period of life, it depends on your attachment to that thing which will determine the extent of remembering."
                          
He looked straight at me and continued," When that particular trigger is emotionally attached to you too much, it will evoke all memories. That flood of memories may be for the better or for the worse. Many may  lose their mental balance at this stage."
                          
"So," I say, "The one missing  piece in the puzzle, the one trigger which created a storm in my world again was..."
                          
"The love letter in your attic," he replied.
                          
A/N Well I think I am done with my 8K but the journey doesn't end here. I promise to you all...it doesn't matter if I can't clear this round ( only the best will move on to the next round) but I assure you,  Rosella and Dmitriy's story will go on and and on. I promise to reach the 20K only for you all.
                          
Next is this morbid forgetting. Well it does  really happen like this. Being a student nurse I studied psychology as a subject and came across this thing and I wanted to let this concept come out in the  form of this story. 
                          
Thanks again to all for reading this. Thanks MaryFahey for evaluating this and staying with me in every step of this journey, Pipigrin..... nana_gn .....
Thanks teamhathaway. Thank you all for supporting me. Love you all.❤❤❤❤❤