Lost

                                    

                                          
Its like my heart was skipping a beat... permanently. I couldn't catch my breath ever since the kiss. I just sat there, on my bed. Thinking.

                          
I have Tom Hiddleston's phone number.

                          
I kissed Tom Hiddleston.

                          
Tom Hiddleston likes me. 

                          
It was like a crazy, perfect dream. I dream that I never wanted to wake up from. I have never really liked a guy as much as I liked Tom. It was unbelievable to that he felt the same towards me, the, boring girl from America.

                          
It rained all day. I stayed in with the girls and we talked about my night. Then Kate told us that she met a cute guy and she could not stop talking about how romantic he was.

                          
That's all we did. Talk and talk and talk.

                          
It was great because we never got bored. That's why I loved having them as friends.

                          
-

                          
-

                          
As we ate dinner, I couldn't help but think about him. I have his number, when should I call? Is it even his real number, or is it a security thing?

                          
I decided I'd ask the girls.

                          
"So, I have a question."

                          
"What is it?" Alexis said.

                          
I put down my fork. "So, Tom gave me his number and ---" before I could even ask the question, they screamed with excitement.

                          
"HE GAVE YOU HIS NUMBER!? WHY THE HELL AREN'T YOU CALLING HIM!?" Alexis said loudly.

                          
"CALL HIM NOW!! PUT IT ON SPEAKER PHONE! TEXT HIM! DO SOMETHING!!!" Kate demanded.

                          
Well at least I got my answer.

                          
I decided I'd call him.

                          
The phone rang, I put it on speaker phone as the girls giggled.

                          
"Hi, you've reached Tom Hiddleston. I'm not able to answer my phone at the moment. Leave your name and number and I'll get back to you as soon as I can."

                          
So I knew it was definitely not a security thing. But he didn't answer. I felt a sense of, sadness. I hung up before leaving a voice message.

                          
"Maybe he's busy. He'll call you back later. I'm sure he was expecting you to call." Kate said with confidence.

                          
I trusted her and waited for the call back.

                          
It never came.

                          
The next day, it never came.

                          
I felt stupid. It was dumb of me to give my hopes up like I did.

                          
I decided I'd look to the only person I know who could help me, Tara.

                          
That night I shut my door, locked it and grabbed the picture and her scarf. It didn't smell quite like her anymore. More like Tom's cologne. I didn't care. I hugged it.

                          
"Ugh I wish you were here, to talk to me." I meant actually here. Not just here in my heart, but real life- alive here.

                          
I might have been over reacting, because Tom and I weren't a thing. I really didn't know what to feel. I guess I just missed him, and I missed Tara.

                          
I couldn't shake the feeling that every time someone leaves. It is my fault.

                          
Was it my fault?