"Gabby?"
                          
"What's wrong? Has something happened?" I was pretty much hysterical. 
                          
"Adara's heart stopped again. We are doing CPR right now. Is it okay if you come with me to be there for her?" She smiled, I nodded and got out of bed, putting my slippers and a cardigan on. I took a little teddy bear off the end of my bed and followed her down the hallway and into the ward. There were 3 doctors there. 1 doing CPR, 1 checking her vitals and the 3rd holding her arms and legs down on the bed. I stood there in the corner of the room shaking, holding the teddy. 
                          
"Can you tell me what's going on?" I managed a smile. 
                          
"So Adara's heart stopped and it has caused a seizure." 
                          
"Will she be okay though?" 
                          
"We aren't too sure yet." The nurse stood next to me, pulled me into her arm so my head was resting against hers. I wasn't sure if I was about to be sick or scream. She finally came back into sinus rhythm and she was given some medication in her cannula which stopped the seizure. 
                          
"Gabby will you allow us to perform open heart surgery on Adara? It's the only way we can help her right now." The doctor smiled, holding my arm. 
                          
"I mean when do I need to decide by?" 
                          
"We'll give you about 15 minutes? But we'll come to the ward and get you a consent form?" He smiled, I was escorted back to the ward. All the mums were back in their own beds doing their own thing. With their babies or on their phones. I sat back on the end of the bed and made a phone call. Hoping Matt would answer. 
                          
"Hey. What's up?" 
                          
"Matt. I have 15 minutes to decide if I consent to Adara having open heart surgery?" I sighed beginning to cry. 
                          
"Oh my god. Gabby why didn't you tell me?" He shouted. 
                          
"I'm telling you now!" I cried, I hung up and threw my phone down on the bed. I sat down and squeezed the teddy bear in my hands. Clearly the 15 minutes went so quickly because before I knew it 2 doctors come in and handed me the form. I quickly signed it before I changed my mind and handed it to them and they practically ran off and took Adara straight through to surgery. I sat back on the bed. Crying into the quilt. I didn't know what else to do. I wanted to scream, punch stuff, just completely flip out. I was so absolutely angry, I was heartbroken. She was so little so how was she meant to deal with a open heart surgery. I felt someone touch my arm and as I looked up Boden, Matt, Ruby, Kelly, Cruz, Capp, Herman, Mouch, Otis and Brett were all stood there smiling with take out food, some more food, drinks, blankets and just all the stuff I could of asked for. I sat up and hugged every single one of them. They literally sat on blankets on the floor at the side of my bed, Ruby climbed up and both her and Matt laid either side of me to keep me company. Kelly sat on the side where Ruby was and held my hand across Ruby's side. Everyone sat around the bed out of the way on the floor on the blankets and we all shared out the takeout food and warm drinks. I think overall we were awake and all talking for 8 hours and still Adara wasn't out of surgery. It was scary, emotionally and physically exhausting. I was still awake like everyone else. Matt had taken Ruby to get some food, Kelly was still holding my hand and had been all night. Boden was asleep and Brett was leaning on him but the majority were still awake. There was the other mums and babies on the ward all awake as well. 
                          
"How comes your not asleep?" I smiled at Louise. The main women I had been speaking too. 
                          
"Because none of us are sleeping until we know Adara is okay." She smiled. 
                          
"Oh guys. No come on. You all need to sleep. You need to!"
                          
"Nope. Mums stick together. Also looks like you have a amazing family support there in your firehouse." I nodded and squeezed Kelly's hand as he smiled at me. The doctor from earlier come in and held the door open. 2 porters come in and left Adara's incubator next to my bed. In front of Kelly. She looked beautiful. She had a rather large amount of padding and dressings under her baby grow. She was clearly in pain but couldn't cry because of the breathing tube that went into her mouth and down her throat. 
                          
"The surgery went amazing. It is really good how well she is doing. She is on pain meds. We are hoping if you would like to though you can hold her?" 
                          
"Right now?" I smiled getting tearful. 
                          
"Oh yeah. Right now. Want to get yourself prepared?" He smiled. Kelly let go of my hand. Matt and Ruby come in, everyone sat up to watch. I placed the pink blanket carefully on my lap incase she was sick. I undone the top 3 buttons on my PJ top so the very top of my chest and shoulder was exposed for skin to skin. This is the first time I was going to touch her. Like at all. I wasn't sure what she felt like. Her eyes weren't even open. Really I had no idea about my daughter at all. Hopefully she would look like Ruby. Ruby had frizzy dark brown hair and it was just lovely. Adara did have some hair but it looked strange on her tiny head. The doctor picked her up and I was shaking as he went to pass the baby over to me my brain stopped. 
                          
"No. Stop. No please I can't do it. Please put her down again." I sighed buttoning up my top. Kelly squeezed my hand again. I smiled slightly at Matt as the doctor made sure all her wires were set out as he laid Adara back down. I just laid on my side watching her with my hand resting against the glass in stead. Matt kissed my head and everyone went back to doing their own thing. 
                          
"I love you." Matt smiled. 
                          
"I love you too."