Chapter Fourteen; Goodbye

                                    

                                          


                          
!WARNING!
                          
This chapter contains content that some readers may find disturbing and/or triggering. If you are sensitive to certain subjects, I recommend you skip this part. Thanks!
                          
. . . But seriously. This one is GRAPHIC. If you thought any of the last ones were bad, PLEASE skip this one because you WILL NOT like it. This chapter contains EXTREMELY graphic content that may trigger bad memories for some readers, or even some things worse. If you are sensitive to this type of topic, PLEASE do not continue for your own sake. Thank you.
                          
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   The absolute second I arrive home the next day, my legs collapse beneath me and I fall to the ground, already sobbing uncontrollably. My entire body begins to tremble as tears begin to pour from my sockets. Though whether it is caused by relief, fear, or simply utter despair, I am entirely unsure. My emotions are a mess right now, and they have been all day. As can be expected, with what is to come next.
                          
   Papyrus is working a late shift tonight, which proves perfectly convenient for me. If he was home, there is no way whatsoever I would get away with doing what I am about to do. Although, now that I think about it, I could easily have just left my post early. . .
                          
   . . . Which proves just another reason why I can't do anything right. If I would have just thought of that so much earlier in the day, I wouldn't have to risk him coming home at all. . .
                          
   But, whether he cares or not, it all will have the same outcome, so matter it not for right now.
                          
   The tears continue to pour out of my sockets as this rush of emotions snakes its way past, until finally I am left curled into a tight ball, shaking and sobbing silently ­­­­to myself. As soon as I can find enough strength within myself to move, I begin to inch my way across the floor, leaving it soaked in tears that I didn't even know were still coming out. Finally, I reach the cabinet where all of our plates, bowls, cups, and medicine is stored. The second I open it, my hand knocks into a pile of dishes, sending it clattering down and shattering on the floor. A tremor of pain shoots briefly through the arm that Thorn injured, but right now, that is the least of my worries.
                          
   Now that the plates have gone, the several pill bottles stored at the back of the cabinet are revealed, and completely within my reach. Quickly, before I have time to change my mind, I snatch up every single one of them and unscrew the lids. I stare hesitantly down at the contents inside of each, knowing that I hold the very difference between life and death in my hands.
                          
   I spread them out on the floor, counting out each and every one of the pills in front of me.
                          
   122, 123, 124. 124 pills, exactly.
                          
   It's not exactly my ideal amount, but if it has even a chance of ending this agony once and for all, it's fine by me.
                          
   I pick them up handfuls at a time, forcing them down my throat. It is difficult to get them to actually go down, especially since I have to swallow all of them whole, but I have to get this over with quickly, no matter how painful it is to choke them all down. It's the only way, I keep telling myself, it's the only way to finally end my pain.
                          
   By the time the last few pills are finally gone, I am already feeling sick. But I chalk that up to me having to force them down when my throat had clearly been protesting. It shouldn't be for at least another hour until I begin to really feel the symptoms of pill overdose. Trust me, I should know. Which does happen to remind me, I've got a lot to do before then.