Rather Be Dead

                                    

                                          
She wished that she was better at lying to herself
                          
Hailey is asleep and Carl is making a shank for his sister to fill the time when the girl starts talking to him in his last detention, he likes her straight away. She knows how to make weapons and she's ok with drugging the teacher. When she introduces herself as Bonnie and asks him if he wants to ditch he only hesitates for a second before agreeing, he pauses in the doorway and looks back at Hailey, hesitating on whether he should wake her and bring her along. She looks so peaceful though asleep on the desk and she had said it herself, they were allowed to have friends other than each other, besides Bonnie was calling him and if they wait any longer they would get caught. He ignores the sinking feeling in his stomach and the sense that he's somehow betraying his best friend. He tries not to dwell on the guilt as he passes through the school gates with Bonnie, it's harder then he thought.
                          
Hailey is woken by the shrill ringing of the bell signalling the end of lunch, she had only meant to close her eyes for a second but Carol had been giving birth to her little cousin last night and she had spent the early hours of the morning at the hospital with her family, understandably she was pretty tired after that. She looks around the classroom where she had been serving her last detention, Carl is nowhere in sight and everyone else has already left for last period. She looks down at her desk noticing a note from Carl.
                          
"Ditched detention and last period, see you later at home" Hailey frowned, normally she and Carl ditched together, and even when one of them stayed behind they always told each other what they were doing first, they never just left. The crushing feeling was back in her chest again, all the air was being squeezed out of her lungs, or maybe Carl had somehow become her air and she hadn't noticed until he had left and suddenly she couldn't breathe. Carl hadn't just ditched school, he had ditched her as well. Maybe it was nothing and she was overreacting but it didn't feel that way, it felt like she had lost him all over again.
                          
$$$$$
                          
Hailey was sitting at the dining table with Debbie and Mandy, talking about the skank that stole Debbies boyfriend when Carl finally got home. He proceeded to destroy her emotionally almost immediately upon entering.
                          
 "How do you know when you're in love," Carl said wistfully.
                          
"When you want to rip their heart out of their chest and stomp on it" Debbi spat.
                          
"When you want to rip out your own heart and set it on fire" Hailey continued. There was a ringing in her ears she could barely breathe was this what a panic attack felt like?
                          
Debbie stared at Hailey worriedly, the other girl had a distant look on her face and all the light had seeped out of her eyes, Debbie didn't think that she had ever seen anyone love the way that Hailey loved Carl. He didn't deserve her, how could he not know that Hailey was totally gone on him, it was so painfully obvious.
                          
Carl gave Hailey a strange look "When have you been in love?" he asked, for some reason the idea of Hailey loving some guy he had never met didn't sit well with him.
                          
Hailey looked Carl dead in the eyes "I've never been in love but I've been heartbroken and it might as well be the same thing" She stood from her chair abruptly turning to the two other girls at the table "Debs, Mandy I was wondering if you wanted to stay at my place tonight, we can have girl time" Debbie nodded immediately grabbing Mandy's hand and dragging the confused girl out the door.