Chapter 9

                                    

                                          
I am in a state of panic!  How in the world did this even happen?  How did my life just turn to absolute and total shit!  I am aimlessly walking around campus because I absolutely cannot go back to my room and face Keaton.  What do I do.  I start to hyperventilate at the thought that he knows.  HE KNOWS!
                          
He heard me in the shower.  How could I have been so stupid.  I have to leave.  I have to get away.  I will wait him out.  When he leaves I will return and grab some of my things and just leave.  I can get a motel room to stay in and just pray he does not find me.  I know that my thoughts sound like the erractic ramblings of a mad man but I just cannot face him.
                          
After about what feels like a few hours of wandering, with darkness falling upon this horrible day, I make my way back over to my dorm room.  The lights are out in the windows and as I step in front of my door, I don't hear a single sound.  Please God, don't let Keaton be inside.  This is the prayer that is being chanted over and over in my mind.
                          
I open the door and enter my room and let out a relieved sigh as there is no sign of life in here.  I quickly make my way to my side of the room and gather a bag of some of my clothing and also go into the ensuite for some of my toiletries.  I come back into the room and just stop.  Something is amiss.  Maybe out of place.  I just don't know.  I look around the room and everything seems as before but I just have this tickle in the back of my mind that something is off.  I don't have time to ponder on this at all as I am desperate to escape.
                          
I go over to me desk and grab my messenger bag.  I make sure I have my draft, laptop and all other things that belong in there.  I walk over to Keaton's bed.  I sit down for just a brief moment.  I reach out towards his pillow as if to caress it.  In my mind it is his face my fingers brush upon.  Trying to immortalize the memory of his skin upon my fingertips.  I pick the pillow up and bring it towards my face and just take in a breath to get my fill of his smell.  I need this memory the most right now.  It will keep me a bit sane.
                          
I place the pillow back and make a quick decision to leave a note for him because I just can't do that to him.  Leaving without notice would be so selfish of me so I go over to his desk and on his notepad I write:

                          
Keaton,
                          
I am so sorry.  I cannot be here right now.  Please respect my wishes and give me some time to gather my thoughts and feelings.  You have to understand that it was never my intention for you to know of my feelings for you.  I value our friendship and I don't want to loose that in anyway but please understand that I just need some time.
                          
We will talk eventually but not now.
                          
Balin

                          
I gathered my things and left.  I hailed a taxi and requested to be taken to the nearest motel.  I have so much to think on.  I don't even know where to start.  All I know right now is that I just need some time alone.  I can think about Keaton and get this draft finally completed.  Those are my two priorities.
                          
Thank the Lord above for money as the cab drops me off at a nice looking full service motel.  I can get a room, order room service or just get one with a kitchen.  My plan is to not leave the room.  I am so happy that I am ahead of all my coursework in all of my lessons.  That gives me some time just for me.  I plan to notify my instructors that I am taking the next couple of days off for personal reasons.  This will not be questioned because quite frankly I am the best of my class and well it all comes down to money.
                          
All I want right now is to get a room, drop all of my bags and collapse into the bed and just sleep like the dead.  Hopefully with some rest, reflection on my situation will help me find a solution to this problem called my life!