16

                                    

                                          
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR OVER ONE-FUCKING-THOUSAND READS OH MY GOD HOW??!!!
                          
My sleep schedule is also messed up :D 
                          
C
                          
I have to do this.
                          
I leaned over the table and kissed him softly.
-And he kissed back.
                          
Wide eyes filled with new pigments. Evan has blue eyes. Beautiful.
                          
Then I ran.
                          
There were two main reasons-
                          
-I'm not good enough for Evan.
                          
And
                          
-He probably hates me now.
                          
"Connor wait!"
                          
Why should I?
                          
"Connor, please, I lo-" I was too far away to hear the rest.
                          
I'm so fucking stupid.
I'm so fucking stupid.
                          
"I don't deserve to fucking live." I laugh to myself quietly.
                          
I'm not too far from home now. Walking- It doesn't clear the mind like they say. Quite the opposite really.
                          
Zoe will probably still be at Evan's and Mom works in the afternoons. Great.
                          
I walk inside slowly, taking my sweatshirt off and going up the stairs.
                          
"Where do you think you're going, Fag?"
                          
"Hi Larry, nice to see you too."
                          
"Don't use that tone with me."
                          
He was next to me now, in my face with a finger pointed at my neck. I was in deep shit and for the first time I loved it.
                          
"Oh but Father! Father! I had never noticed before!" He looked at me with a confused grimace as I dug myself into a hole - no, a grave, "I had always thought your eyes were such a pretty green, turns out that they're shit brown!"
                          
I laughed gleefully, hopping to the end of the hall, "Come on then, do your worst."
                          
"Connor." He closed the door so that it was pitch black, save some red fairy lights around the doorframe, "Why are you so egar?"
                          
"Well, father-darling-dearest-dickhead, I have nothing to live for anymore~ My soulmate probably hates me, my sister's probably pretending to be okay with me and I, of course, am related to you."
                          
Punch.
Kick.
Drip.
                          
"Save the tape for today. I have my own razor blades."
                          
E
                          
I got in the car and headed in the same direction he did but I couldn't find him anywhere.
                          
So I decided to go back to my house and tell Zoe.
                          
I was a mess. Tears and shaking and I probably wasn't fit to drive seeing as I was in the middle of a panic attack.
                          
I got there soon and as I pulled up Zoe and Alana were waiting at the door, alarmed by my state.
                          
"Are you okay? You were gone for ages."
"Where's Connor?"
                          
"H-he k-iss-sed m-me and ra-n-n awa-ay."
                          
"Where did he go?"
"Where were you?"
                          
I tried to explain best I could with my anxiety medicine and a cup of steamy tea - What? It helps.
                          
"I wouldn't worry. He always shows up, we would know if he tried to commit. I knew he took some pills out of the cabinet yesterday and I know I should have done something but-"
"Zoe."
"Right. Anyway, he'll probably be at school tomorrow. It's fine."
                          
"O-okay, if your sure."

                          
I'm not entirely convinced.