Wednesday, 8th December 1993

                                    

                                          
            
                          
Dear Giulia,
                          
on this melancholy rainy evening I feel the need to confide myself, I can't and I don't want to do it with no one but you.
                          
I miss my family. I often think of my father, even my mother, then Edo, Walter, Elia and the others. I'd like to row and dive. You too, right?
                          
It snowed even on the lake, it was years it didn't happen.
                          
I hope this snow doesn't really cover everything, especially my sentiment for you. It's alive Giulia, warm and reassuring as the sun you yearn on your skin on summer. And it will come back to keep you company, even to reinvigorate your energy now forced in the shade; wait for us, serenely, like when you walked the path leading to the beach, dressed only with a smile, costume and lounge chair. You don't know how many times I spied on those carefree steps hidden behind the window, you can't imagine how much I desire to admire them again.
                          
Estelle, this is the point of the situation two weeks after our arrival.
                          
Estelle doesn't cook and I'm always hungry.
                          
Estelle doesn't have the habit to go to the supermarket, while you know how much I like to do it. At first I went alone, now she accompany me, an excuse like another to go out.
                          
Estelle sits at the table looking at me puzzled while I'm eating, wondering what could be the sense of spending so much time sitting for doing nothing. Important note: here there's a real table with real chairs, indispensable furniture supporting me in the prosecution of her therapy.
                          
Estelle is messy, on this point we are similar and that's a problem considering the little house we're now sharing. However thanks to your continuous trainings I'm doing a discreet job, while she's succumbing.
                          
Estelle would like to rent a car to freely move around, I found her a bike exactly two days ago.
                          
Estelle would like to find a gym nearby, because time alone seems to never pass for her; I advised her to go to the library or to take long reflexive walks.
                          
Estelle would like to move on the weekend, while I'm a unique everything with the sofa, other faithful friend rediscovered during this long trip. And I don't deny it, I'm tired and I need to rest. She doesn't seem to understand it.
                          
Estelle sometimes proposes me some kinds of evening entertainment, such as cinema and shows. My answer is always no, she strives not to argue. And like before I didn't hide myself, I'm tired and she doesn't seem to notice that.
                          
Estelle has also other projects in mind, such as new travels, a new house and, why not, a new job. She understands from my gaze that I disapproves and stops talking about them.
                          
Estelle and I are funny together, metaphorically of course, but I'm a bit embarrassed of it.
                          
Estelle is constantly trying to escape from reality, she can't stay anywhere for long, that is, she can't stay with herself for long. What she reproached you, the inner balance, actually is her most serious lack, something she envies you, I'm sure as far as I know her well.
                          
I try to show her without hurting who is not her but above all who I am, the man she no longer wants to share her life with.
                          
The hardest challenge is then never mentioning your name, because I'm carrying you with me everywhere.
                          
Always with you,
                          
Marco