Chapter 18

                                    

                                          
⚠️⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ ⚠️ 
IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO ANYTHING SUICIDAL PLEASE DO NOT READ. I WILL HAVE A RECAP IN THE NEXT CHAPTER. ⚠️⚠️YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED ⚠️⚠️ 
                          
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I was trying to have a night to myself when Jonah said "Mari .... why...." I didn't wanna fight so I just said "babe ... it was a joke to make you jealous". After I said that he stood up and walked to the kitchen away from you so you went back to choosing a tv series to watch of movies to watch when he comes back and says "are you seriously just going to go back to Netflix when I'm trying to talk to you". You just kinda stayed quiet thinking of something to say "that's all you ever f*cking do you lazy a*s" at this moment tears were threatening to come down from your eyes but you fought them back, "I do a lot over my days but you wouldn't F*CKING NOTICE BECAUSE ALL YOU EVER DO IS REHEARSAL OR GO IN YOUR ROOM AND PLAY VIDEO GAMES WHILE I GO TO PHOTOSHOOTS, RUNWAYS, AND IM STARTING TO DESIGN MY OWN CLOTHES BUT YOU WOULDNT KNOW BECAUSE YOU NEVER ASK ME HOW MY DAY WAS OR WHATS GOING ON" after that Jonah was the one quiet now "NOW YOUR QUIET AND THINKING BECAUSE YOU KNOW IM RIGHT, MAYBE I SHOULD JUST MOVE BACK HOME SINCE CLEARLY YOU DONT HAVE TIME FOR ME AND VIDEO GAMES" with that you ran upstairs and grabbed all your stuff, changed your Netflix password and slammed every door in your way. You walked to your house and called your manager telling him that your going to take a break for a week and go home. You got a plane ticket to go home at 1pm you did this so you could pack and say bye to the boys and so you can figure things out with Jonah. You took a walked outside and forgot that jonahs room was the room directly across from yours and when you walked out you saw Jonah crying. It hurt you to see that you made him cry but it was necessary to do what you did. When you snapped back to reality you realized that it was like 40 degrees outside and you were in shorts with a tank top, you went inside and hopped in the shower. When you first moved in to your house you put up I sign on your shower where you look because you don't ever face the shower faucet and the sign said a bunch of  things that you've told yourself ever since you were younger, "cry for an hour be decent for a week" "don't let anyone know what you do when your emotional just keep it behind closed doors and walk out perfectly fine" and a bunch of other things like that. You never knew why your life was full of disappointment it just was, and in school you always worked super hard and when you got a bad grade it was the end of the world and you ruined your child hood and the time you had to have fun with life and be careless but now you only have yourself to depend on. The girls were all gone and you weren't sure where oli was. When you were in he shower and washing your hair your remembered you had to shave. You saw your razor and did the only thing you knew how when you were upset or stressed-cut-. You did 3 cuts for disappointing yourself 3 cuts for running away from your problems and 2 cuts for yelling at Jonah. After you cut yourself you cleaned up your arm and put a bandage and a wrist brace so the boys wouldn't get suspicious, after a while of cutting you learned all the tricks at hiding it to seem perfect. You soon fell asleep while listening to jacks covers on YouTube on repeat. You had a great dream of your life before school when you had your dad still and before everything felt so compressed and you had anxiety attacks and were completely stressed out. It was great. Soon you had to wake up and get ready to leave, when you woke up you went and brushed your hair and teeth. After you picked out an outfit, a Spider-Man hoodie with crosstie things in the front that show your cleavage and some black ripped jeans. You went to the store and bought a bigger suitcase because the one you had was too small to fit all the stuff your gonna bring. You got a large matte black suit case with pink zippers that stretched all around the case. After buying the suit case you decided to go to the grove and hopefully find a cute dress or something. After a while of walking around you walked into the Gucci store looking for nothing in particular when you saw logan, you haven't seen him in almost a week and that's the longest you guys have gone without seeing each other since you moved to L.A. You run up to Logan and jumped on his back - his instant reaction is to grab the thighs of the person until he figured out who it was- soon enough you told him it was you and he pulled you around his torso to where you were on his chest and he gave a big hug with your legs still wrapped around him. At this moment you realized that you missed Jonah and hugging him like that and started breaking down right in the Gucci store. You and Logan walked into a dressing room and you told him everything, the fight, your intentions, everything while sitting on his lap and him holding you like Jonah did. You didn't really care at this moment it was like he was your best friend and with him you completely forgot about the why don't we boys and everything was ok for a bit. After a while of him comforting you, you checked the time and it was 10:30 so you decided to go home, re-pack and say bye to the boys. You only had 2 hours until you had to leave so you were in a rush, you got into your car and pulled out of the parking garage very fast. You went way over the speed limit trying to get home but you didn't get pulled over so it was ok, when you got home it was 10:56 - a sigh of relief cane out before you running to your room. After you packed you went to say bye to the boys when you saw..... 
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I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while but I'm gonna start trying really hard please don't hate me and also if you actually read this chapter or have read to this point can you please comment something nice or show some way that your still reading. I think I'm finally breaking out of my writers block😁😁 anyways  how did we get to 972 reads !!! I love you all. Byeeeeee 💕💕