Chapter 3. Beach Days

                                    

                                          
No less than three pages of his journal were filled that evening. Knock wasn't asking it questions, he was telling it what he felt he knew.
                          
...Journal...
                          
It's not that Korn doesn't care about me, it's that he can't. He's just protecting his heart and can't let me in it.  I've done enough damage.
                          
I confess my dear diary that I thought Korn liked Mew, now I'm not so sure. I think he may like Cho. I think he really likes Cho. 
                          
Cho speaks plainly and from the heart. He is a good boy and handsome too. It would make sense for Korn to like him.  Cho is exactly what Korn said he wanted,  determined and unwavering and most of all,  unlike me, or what Korn believes me to be.
                          
I have no choice but to live in the misery I created for myself.
                          
If I could only find a reason to leave here. If I could just get away from him, from Korn.  I think this would make Korn happy too.  He could get on with what he came here for.  He could find that handsome young man and start his life anew.
                          
He set his pen down and looked out the window. It was getting dark and what had been a long hot day was starting to cool. When Knock re-read what he'd just written, he wanted to correct it.
                          
Running away is only a temporary solution. I haven't been able to un-love Korn in eight years, even I know, that's never going to happen. 
                          
Am I really destined to live my whole life with this guilt? It seems so, I have to live with it, I made a huge mistake.
                          
He closed the book and tucked the pen in the drawer.
                          
........................
                          
Life at Phubet's home could never be said boring. The twins were a handful, but they were so damn cute, Knock could forgive them anything. His sister though, frankly, was irritating,  he'd forgotten just how much.  Living under the same roof with her again was bringing it back to mind.  
                          
She griped and moaned as she came through the door. She'd had to leave the house early and help her mother in law take, to the Atitarn's a whole bunch of baked goods. Phubet's mother was paying Kannika back for the kindness of her pastries.
                          
"Omg, our house looks so different with other people living in it. It's weird."
                          
Knock had been enjoying these few moments of undisturbed quiet and her flopping in a chair and babbling,  ended it abruptly.
                          
"I can't wait for Phubet to get back, Nong'Knock, we've all been invited to go with Captain Korn. His friends left Amphawa and have gone to Chon Buri, he wants us to meet them."
                          
"Chon Buri, that's on the other side of the gulf. Aren't we supposed to be going to Hua Hin in a few days?"
                          
She clicked her tongue at the top of her mouth and rolled her eyes. "Who cares?  We can spend a few days with them and then go to Hua Hin, it's only a couple of hours apart."
                          
"Maybe I should stay here, or I could go to Dad's and wait there until you arrive."  Knock was looking at his phone and avoiding Mai's eyes.
                          
"Hey, what if I get sick? Phubet needs help with the boys. Knock, you have to come, Phubet won't want to drive all the way back into the city to get you when we leave for Dad's."
                          
"I have my own car."
                          
She was twice the child her seven-year-old sons were. Mai crossed her arms and pouted like a pro.