XIII

                                    

                                          
Edit 1: 24/05/2022
Edit 2: 28/02/2023
Mum
5 Mar 2013, 06:00
Your father and I left to go on a business trip. We'll be back for your birthday. Don't cause any trouble. 
Okay, don't overwork yourself!
10 Mar 2013, 17:34
I saw the news! Congrats mum! Well done for the promotion! 
12 Mar 2013, 23:58
You said you'd be back for my birthday. There's only two minutes left. It's okay though. You're busy.
13 Mar 2013, 15:54
Mum? Are you and dad okay? Why haven't you been replying? I know you're busy with work but...
[Message unable to send]
Mum, did you block me?
[Message unable to send]
The only reason I never called the police to make a missing person's report from the lack of replies, was because my mum had at least answered. Yet, the answer was a blocked phone number. 
The confusion this caused was immense. It sent me into denial. Surely a mother wouldn't just block their own daughter's phone number? 
And yet, she had. So had my dad. 
A few days later, I wondered maybe I SHOULD make a missing person's report. Maybe someone had made them block my number. Maybe someone else had done it for them. 
However, these thoughts came to a grinding halt when I was forced to face the harsh reality. My parents simply did not want to be parents anymore. 
It was my grandma who'd made me aware of this. 
A few days after I had discovered my phone number was blocked, she showed up at the house. A look of grief overcame her features when she saw the state I was in. 
And then she told me. Explained the whole situation. Or rather, she told me half of it. She never gave me the answers that I wanted the most. 
Where are my parents?
She was to take me back to her house with grandad, and I was to live with them until I was financially stable to move out on my own. Of course I questioned her about my parents, begged her to tell me. She obviously knew something, why else would she appear out of the blue? 
She reassured me they were alive. She told me she'd tell me when I was older. The rest, she kept her mouth tightly shut.
My grandparents were nice enough towards me, yet they always had an air of awkwardness, or maybe pity.
I'm older, but I still don't know the answer, though I did have a strong suspicion. 
My grandmother never told me, or rather, never had the chance. 
My grandparents were attending the funeral of an old friend of their's, when the car they were driving was struck by a drunk driver. Due to their old age and fragile bodies, they never stood a chance. 
Since I was eighteen when this happened, I wasn't placed into care, or taken to an orphanage. I was an adult. I certainly didn't feel like one though.
They left. 
They all left me in the dark. 
My parents disappeared one day and never returned. I built my walls to make sure no one could hurt me like they did. I didn't want to endure the pain of going through it again. Abandonment. Because it will repeat again. That's the way life is.
You care and they leave. 
There is one person that broke my walls though, that cared for me... until they got bored. 
Orick Jarsdale
1 Dec 2020, 23:56
Ily
2 Dec 2020, 08:00
I love you too!
What are your winter plans? Maybe I could come up to visit you?
3 Dec 2020, 13:52 
I don't want to be one of those girlfriends, but you didn't text me back...?
I get you have work to do, but can you not spare a second to send at least a full stop?
22 Feb 2017, 14:22
Hello?
[Message unable to send]
Did you really block me? Really? That's how you're going to break up with me? Fucking coward.
[Message unable to send]
Why I chose to keep these messages, I don't know. They brought overwhelming amounts of sadness and bitterness, but I can't bring myself to delete them. 
Maybe I'm keeping them as a reminder as to not care. Yeah... that's it. 
A reminder. Just a reminder... I think.
~•~•~•~•~•~•~¥~•~•~•~•~•~•~
This has undergone a MAJOR edit. The original was so cringy it made me gag. I was such a wannabe edgy 14-15 year old 😭.
I kept the same idea, but made it make more sense.
Well, more sense as it can get. To me, it still doesn't make sense that parents would just up and leave suddenly, but it also doesn't make sense some parents ab*se and k*ll their children but here we are. I just didn't want to alter Xandra's backstory too much to pay homage to my dumb 14-15 year old self, but at the same time couldn't deal with the overwhelming cringe feeling I had whenever I saw this book and knew of this chapter. Don't get me wrong, it's still cringe, but less so.