Friday, 29th October 1993

                                    

                                          
            
                          
"Estelle, his wife."
                          
I couldn't speak more, I immediately looked for a way out gasping.
                          
"Goodbye, thank you and good luck."
                          
Also to look again at her wasn't possible, I preferred the lines of the carpet.
                          
Once out I closed the door, a form of respect for their marital privacy but even more pressing the selfish instinct to erect a barrier, indeed a defence. Making me feel less intensely the sudden void ferociously demanding space inside me, just as the cold went back coward and pungent from my fingertips until to radiate itself in every strand of my weft so unprepared for that novelty.
                          
I decided to reach again my office not crossing the finance open space; probably my inner riots were uncontrollably venting also in my face and the last thing I desired was to make the world aware of it, even if an understanding part of my world. I opened the fire door reaching the landing for lazybones and smokers, as hoped I didn't meet anyone; I quickly crossed it and I opened the twin entrance, the one leading to the directional area, then still looking downward I reached the target by heart.
                          
I closed the door.
                          
I leaned myself at the door.
                          
And I started breathing again.
                          
A gust of evil thoughts began to besiege my brain, wounding me without limit; I decided not to listen to them and hug a little more the nowhere.
                          
After the initial disorientation Miguel came to my rescue again: those like me weren't paid to panic at the first difficulty, I was paid to react. I mustn't be nice to anyone, I had to solve the problem for everyone first, at the cost of irreversibly becoming rough rock.
                          
I tried.
                          
Estelle came to see Marco and perhaps he didn't know.
                          
Not at home but at work, where he couldn't have rejected her and at the same time surrender to feelings, just like me. Wicked or in the way to lose her mind?
                          
However, somebody had to tell him.
                          
And it didn't take me long to realize the only person from whom he'd have desired to listen to that news was me. I put aside all myself and I immediately accepted that umpteenth burdensome task assigned to me by the enigmatic destiny.
                          
And when to do it? Did I have to interrupt the encounter, so making evident his sure dismay to strangers? Absolutely not. I'd have expected the end of the meeting and then I'd have taken him aside.
                          
And Estelle, now hidden in his office, how much would have cost her that waiting?
                          
At least as much as it would have consumed me.
                          
So if I had to do it she could try too.
                          
Good, so it could work.
                          
Marco would have suffered as little as possible.
                          
Estelle occupied the second place.
                          
I disappeared.
                          
Everything perfect, problem solved.
                          
*****
                          
The door of the meeting room opened around one p.m.
                          
Souls were light, yet several Miguel's yells echoed until my desk during the encounter.
                          
I heard them agreeing for a common lunch.
                          
I heard my name too, the supreme leader wanted me to join them.
                          
Then a few steps to my direction, someone was coming to pick me up.
                          
That future so long feared finally had become a present.