Fridays

                                    

                                          
Ahh Friday... the last school day of the week and the day I got skating with a few... friends...? I mean I guess some people would consider them friends but I wouldn't... as far as I'm concerned I have only one friend and right now we're teetering on the edge of breaking apart. At the rink there are glass doors so when I saw her coming in with someone with blue hair and black cloth I I thought maybe we'd get along but I saw how they acted and I watched them interact and the feeling swooped over me. 
                          
I'm being replaced.
                          
I instantly went into panic mode and the first instinct to enter my brain was "ignore her" so I did. I ignored and I ignored till I didn't want to. It wasn't long (about 10 minutes) till every instinct in me told me to just talk to her... I just couldn't. Invisible hand were wrapped around my neck and I was shaking. I was shaking and shaking. I had to do something so I went to the bathroom and asked one of the girls that was with us to send her in. At this point I was shaking and I couldn't breathe. I felt sick and dizzy but as soon as he door opened I walked as fast as I could over to her and embraced her. The warmth from the other body engulfed me as she wrapped her arms around me too and now the hands were gone. I could speak I could breathe, the sick was gone and the shaking slightly subsided. It's crazy how a single person has that affect. And I'm that moment I realized I never wanted to let go. I never wanted to let go of this amazing human I somehow had the honor of knowing and as my hands balled the fabric into the palms and I so badly wanted to cry but I couldn't inconvenience her anymore so I just held them in and grasped on tighter. When she pulled away I felt the hole in me reopen and the hands began to snake back around my neck. I quickly leaned onto her again and took a deep breath in before I spoke and just let it out. I told her how I felt... we sorta... all the feelings that had been pent up on top of the normal dose of it all, it was just crazy but getting that off was easy enough. Now the next step was not to let the overflowing adoration and love flow out of my soul. Without that pent us there things would be a bit weird. I mean I've already told people and each time I feel they just laugh and think it's false. But I feel great comfort from them and I really wish I had declined the Bristol Aggie application and just gone to normal old Highschool in my town, just so I could see her smile everyday... but I didn't and I regret it. Even if we just walked past each other at least I'd have seen her but now I have to get lucky enough to get plans. It's like booking a room at a really popular hotel. You have to call 3 months in advance or your screwed. It kinda works the same way, make plans 3 months in advance or I'm screwed. I feel like I'm off topic. I do that. I rant about them nonstop to everyone to the point where they have to tell me to shut up. Normally I just continue anyway but I can't help it. If you saw a man jump off a roof and sprout wings what would you do? Think it's amazing and incredible then never stop talking about it right? Yeah same with them. People are convinced we're dating and to them My response varies. "No." "Just friends." "Why tho?" But it's normally something else and people like to laugh at it but it's not that funny. I'm content with where I am honestly as long as we can stay close.. I've done it again... stop it, stop being an idiot geez... back on topic as we stood in the bathroom they sorta had their arm behind my back and I was tempted to let my head fall on their shoulder when in bursts the girl we were with. I wanted to scream and shout at her to get out but I couldn't. I was content and so down my head went and away the arm came. After that the hands came back but instead pushed me along by the shoulders. The hands were strange this time, more gentle and caring but there was no evil content which was weird. So I went and tried to enjoy myself only to have the night end. 2 hours isn't long when you think about it. I wanted to stay with her and just never leave her side again but I knew I couldn't. Now I just hope to see her again.