3

                                    

                                          
[Song: Scared of Change (Acoustic) by Our Last Night]
                          
Dark thoughts consumed my mind until the light rays of sun began looking through my window and lighting my room with their presence. I heard Ian come in before he went to bed, I pretended to be asleep but I knew he was there watching me. I've noticed over the years, that Ian has a habit of watching me sleep. I never gave it mind or confronted him about it, I just let it happen. 
                          
When the light had fully consumed my room, the bedroom door creaked open. 
                          
"How long have you been up?" Was the first thing out of Ian's mouth when he saw me lying awake. 
                          
I shrugged and sat up, not uttering a word. 
                          
"Can we talk?" Ian said, taking a seat on the bed.
                          
I didn't like the sound of that at all but I agreed anyway.
                          
"I'm sorry about last night, I didn't know someone would be there. Are you still upset?" His apology seemed genuine but after what he said last night, some of my trust in him had dissipated. 
                          
"I don't want to hurt people," I told him. "I thought what we did was harmless." 
                          
Ian sighed, "oh Max, you're so innocent."
                          
I looked at him in confusion. "What do you mean?" 
                          
"What we do is dangerous," he explained. "We could get trapped and killed any of these times, or people could be there that we don't know about. Along with that, we burn property that belong to people, they're losing whatever they had there." 
                          
Ian was looking down at his hands as he spoke to me. His bony fingers twitched and shook, signifying that he was already feeling withdrawn. This was unusual since he already caused two in a row. 
                          
"You need to slow down," I told him.
                          
"What?" He questioned, finally looking at me.
                          
"You've done two nights in a row and you're already withdrawing, Ian," I pointed, my voice laced with concern. "You need to slow down or you're going to get hurt."
                          
"I'll be fine, Max," Ian brushed me off and rolled his eyes. I'd ask him who's acting like a teenager now but I rather not provoke him like that. 
                          
"Can you find something else to satisfy you on the side?" I inquired. "Something you can do when you can't light a fire?"
                          
"What do you want me to start smoking or something?" He scoffed. 
                          
"Just something that distracts you..." I was beginning to feel intimidated by him, scared to say something wrong. 
                          
"I'll start fucking prostitutes when I get withdraws, how about that?" Ian sarcastically asked. 
                          
"I'm just trying to fucking help you!" I snapped. My fear left me long enough for anger to take over and I became hot and frustrated. I wanted to scream and make Ian stop being such a dick head.
                          
"Don't fucking talk to me like that, Max," Ian gritted his teeth in anger. I didn't care if he was mad because I knew that I was definitely more mad than him.
                          
"I'll talk to you however I want if you can't acting like a cunt." My skin felt like it was on fire as my anger consumed me. "All I want is to help you and you're being a total dick. I'm not tell you to go out and fuck whore or smoke, I'm telling you to do something productive for once in your life." 
                          
In a flash my back was against the bed and Ian was pinning me down. My hands were above my head and my legs were between his. He was seething with anger and so was I. 
                          
"I'm telling you, Max, you do not talk to me like that," Ian warned.
                          
"I'm tell you, I don't fucking care," I had never seen Ian so mad. I'm sure at any second he'd be happy to wrap his hands around my throat and silence me for good. 
                          
"Shut up, Max!" He yelled. 
                          
"Make me, Ian!" I yelled back. 
                          
A firm slap brought water to my eyes and fire to my skin. All my anger was gone and replaced by a deep feeling of hurt. Ian knew he hurt me, and he felt bad. 
                          
His demeanor softened. "Max, fuck, I'm sorry." 
                          
"Get off of me," I demanded.
                          
"Max wait." 
                          
"Get off of me, Ian," I told him again. "Just go away." 
                          
He held me close and played with my hair, knowing it was the best way to make me feel better. It worked of course, I couldn't resist him. I was just as addicted to Ian as he was to fire. It was unhealthy but I couldn't care less. I needed him more than the air we breathe. 
                          
"Look at me," he whispered. I looked up at him, our eyes meeting. We stared at each other for a moment, it reminded me of those moments in movies where characters have a stare off before kissing. In some sick way, I wanted that to happen. "You're so beautiful, Max. I'm so lucky to have you."
                          
"I'm lucky to have you too," my eyes hadn't left his, and I wouldn't dare let them. "Can I ask you something?" 
                          
"Of course," a small smile found its way onto his lips, giving him a kinder look than he had before.
                          
"Have you ever been kissed?" The question wasn't new, it was something I've wondered ever since I learned what it was but I never had the confidence to ask.
                          
"Once," he answered. "Why do you ask?" 
                          
"Just curious," I shrugged. "I haven't."
                          
"It's not as great as they make it out to be," Ian sighed. "Or at least I don't remember it being." 
                          
"What about sex?" The words left my mouth without thought.
                          
"I haven't had it," Ian confessed. "I don't see a point." 
                          
"People on tv say it feels good." 
                          
"People on tv say a lot of things, Max. That doesn't mean they're true." As he spoke I felt my mind begin to wander, along with my eyes. I couldn't help the thoughts that began corrupting my mind, thoughts of sex with Ian.
                          
My mind was elsewhere, causing a thought to escape from my mouth without second thought, "would you ever have sex with me?" 
                          
"What?" Ian asked in surprise.
                          
"Uh just ignore that," I replied nervously. 
                          
I could tell I made him feel uncomfortable. He left shortly after without saying a word.