18 : Too Late

                                    

                                          
Demi
                          
Hearing Nick tell me he felt nothing for me anymore was once again both great and hurtful.. everything based on my relationship with Nick nowadays was always bittersweet.. on one side I wanted to be with him and tell him I loved him.. jump into his arms and feel him kiss the top of my head
                          
The other part of me wanted to have nothing to do with the dangerous curly haired boy.. he wasn't the man I thought he was.. he hurt me countless times now.. acting as he pleased without thinking about any consequences that he could face..
                          
I felt like I had to choose going to one side or the other.. be courageous or run away from my problems.. fight or flight..
                          
I decided to fight, even though I knew nothing would come out of it.. it was definitely better than losing him..
                          
I called Nick on March 5th since my parents were out shopping and asked him if he could come by so we could talk properly.. soon enough there sounded the doorbell and I was letting my best friend come through the door
                          
Once I got to my bedroom, I sat down on my bed trying to find the words to tell him how I felt.. the bed sunk in next to me making me gulp
                          
- So.. - he started
                          
- I'm sorry I was such a drama queen - I mumbled
                          
He said nothing.. as we stood there in silence my mind started to chicken out and tell me to not say anything.. but now it was too late..
                          
- I.. I don't know how to say it.. so I'm just gonna blurt it out.. - I said in a breath - I.. I also feel things for you..
                          
I looked slightly up feeling the tears start to burn in the back of my eyes to see Nick staring straight ahead at the wall so I kept going
                          
- That's what I got so mad.. because there can't be an us.. and then you started dating Selena.. that hurt so much.. I.. I didn't know how to react - I told him starting to sniff
                          
- And then on New Year's Eve.. we kissed and everything was alright when we were kissing.. but the timing was the worst.. I couldn't do something like that to Selena.. I just.. I felt like I cheated.. just like I felt like you did.. I'm sorry I overreacted 
                          
Nick cleared his throat - So.. you have feelings for me.. now?
                          
I took a deep breath and ran a hand through my hair - Yes.. For a while actually.. but I'm completely aware that you're over me and that it is too late..
                          
I looked up and saw Nick clenching his jaw as he looked at me..
                          
- Now is the part where I get mad because you didn't tell me you had feelings - he quietly remarks making me remember what I said to him just a few days ago
                          
- You have every right.. 
                          
He chuckled and stood up shaking his head - That's the problem! I couldn't be mad at you even if I wanted! I want to scream at you, but I can't!
                          
I looked back down and Nick kneeled in front of me
                          
- Demi.. I.. I'm sorry.. but it is too late.. You broke my heart three months ago.. I moved on..
                          
I rolled my eyes - Great.. tell me louder that I'm guilty
                          
He grabbed my hands and started caressing them with his thumbs - You're not guilty.. but you were right.. there can't be an us.. it will ruin our friendship.. look at us! - He said making me look at him - We have been mad at each other for so long.. I feel like we're not Nick and Demi anymore..
                          
I nodded and he hugged me tightly as I broke down - I'm sorry.. I.. 
                          
He shushed me and caressed my hair.. I wanted so badly to turn back time and undo everything I did.. be with him..
                          
But now it's too late..
                          
After a while of just cuddling while I sobbed on his shoulder, Nick moved his hand down onto mine
                          
- Demi.. can I.. can I ask you something? - he stuttered 
                          
I nodded and he cleared his throat - What did you have on the premiere of the movie?
                          
I stiffened up and moved away from him.. this was not a discussion I wanted to have now.. specially in the emotional state I was at the moment - Nothing..
                          
- Selena told me.. why are you not telling me.. - He whispered
                          
I turned my face to him knowing I fucked up.. I was suddenly scared of his reaction.. he looked sad.. like I had betrayed him
                          
- If you know it, why are you asking?
                          
- I want to hear it from you..
                          
I looked down and took a deep breath.. - I was high..
                          
- Why?
                          
I shook my head - You don't fucking wanna know - I mumbled standing up but he quickly grabbed my wrist
                          
- You are not telling me stuff.. why are you so scared of opening up to me.. I know that drugs aren't the only thing you do.. why don't you trust me?
                          
I rolled my eyes - Nick, you're making a m-
                          
His hand snapped mine as he turned my wrist and moved my bracelets exposing my scars.. I started to panic.. my eyes widened as he stared at me intensely 
                          
- Why don't you trust me?..
                          
- These are nothing! It was from playing with cats!
                          
Nick shook his head and licked his lips as my eyes watered.. fucking cats? That's the best excuse you could've come up with?
                          
- Yeah.. you've been playing with cats for months now then.. Why are you hiding this from me?
                          
I yanked my arm from him now feeling too exposed but he came closer to me
                          
- Please let me in Demi.. let me break those walls.. - He pleaded grabbing my shoulders - Please tell me why are you doing this to yourself
                          
I shook my head not able to contain my tears anymore - because it feels good.. 
                          
I looked up at Nick and saw what I never thought would see.. a tear rolling down his cheek.. a look of complete sadness.. of deep disappointment.. something I wasn't ready to see.. something I hated I saw..
                          
- Please stop.. 
                          
- I can't 
                          
- Why?
                          
I chuckled slightly - It's not that simple..
                          
He hugged me tightly and I started sobbing with him as he started a speech about how he loved me and how scared he was something would happen to me.. how he was always here for me..
                          
That was definitely an emotional day for me but it sure wasn't compared to what I would have to face Sunday at the party his family was going to throw at his house for wrapping the biggest tour they've done.. Nick sure gave me the cold feet.. but I only realised it that night.. I only realised at the bonfire that me and him would never happen as he told me he fell in love with another girl, again..
                          
A girl I knew too well..
                          
Miley..