9

                                    

                                          
It's been a month, and we've given up searching for Ali completely. That doesn't mean I've stopped thinking about her of course. In fact, I never stop thinking about her. My appetite isn't as usual, and I'm suffering from sleep deprivation. My grades are dropping, my detention frequency is increasing, as I either snap at a teacher or fall asleep in class, and I've spent at least forty-eight hours crying in total as of now. The police are out looking for her, but they haven't found anything yet obviously. No news is good news I guess.
                          
During this time however, I managed to start talking to someone. He is not the same as Ali, but Ben was enough to keep me sane. He doesn't make me feel indestructible, he doesn't make me feel like I can talk to anyone or do anything, but he's a good guy and I appreciate him.
                          
It is late at night, and I'm lying in bed, trying to clear my head so that I can fall asleep, and I am successful. I drift off into a deep sleep, finally. 
                          
"Emily..?" A voice sounds. I open my eyes and there sits a familiar girl. 
                          
"Ali..?" Is this real?
                          
"I can't stay for long-" I interrupt her with a bone crushing hug, not caring if it's real or not. 
                          
"I've missed you so much," her voice cracks at this and I realize she's holding back tears, and as am I.
                          
"Where have you been?" I say pulling away from the hug as one tear escapes and I wipe it away.
                          
"I can't tell you. I really wish I could, Em. I'm so so sorry," she says as her tears begin to spill from her sky blue eyes. I reach for her hand as she wipes her eyes with her other hand. 
                          
"H-how is that fair?" I manage. "I want answers!" I begin to feel angry. How could she do this to me?? 
                          
"There was nothing I could do, Emily." The frustration in her voice is obvious and I suddenly regret demanding answers from her. 
                          
"I'm sorry. I'm just glad you're here." My eyes fill with more hot tears. "Please don't go anywhere again," I plead. "I can't handle much more time without you," I whisper, barely audible.
                          
"I can't," she chokes on her words, as though they were the hardest words she's ever had to voice. 
                          
"Why not!" I exclaim desperately. "Alison Dilaurentis I need you." I'm full on sobbing now, clutching her hand hard as though if I loosen my grip, she'll run and I'll never see her again.
                          
"And I need you, Emily Fields," she replies, holding on to my hands as though it's the last time she'll see me as well, which scares me more. "But I have to go now" She leans forward and captures my lips for a second, and I realize, she's got a cut on her bottom lip. 
                          
"Ali, are you okay?" I ask in a concerned tone, reaching out to feel her lips.
                          
"Yeah! I fell on the way. Nothing to be worried about," she answers, pulling away so I can't touch it. She then let's go of my hand, caresses my cheek for a moment before giving me one final kiss on the lips, letting my hands go and leaving out the open window.
                          
"No..." I murmur, knowing there is nothing I can do to stop her, or get any information out of her. My door all of a sudden creeps open, and my mother poke her head in.
                          
"It's 3:00 in the morning! What are you doing awake?" She sounds as half asleep as she looks.
                          
"Sorry, I couldn't sleep," I reply.
                          
"I heard voices, is someone here? Ben?" She asks in her mother tone. 
                          
"Mom... first of all, I'm gay, and second of all, Ben is not here. I don't know what you're talking about."
                          
"Are you calling me crazy, young lady?" She jokes, with a goofy grin.
                          
"You know it!" I mirror the grin on her face, and chuckles to herself and leaves, forgetting to close the door.
                          
I get up to close the door, and crawl back into bed, realizing how lucky I am to have a mother like her. One that accepts and loves me for who I am, doesn't tell me that me thinking I like girls, is just a phase. I am lucky to not have a mother like Ali's. A bully. That's what she is and that's what she'll always be.
                          
I close my eyes, clear my mind again, feeling more at ease knowing Ali is indeed still alive. Just as I'm drifting off, a thought interrupts my clear streak. 
                          
What if she's not okay? Where even is she sleeping? Why can't she tell me?Maybe she was kidnapped! That would explain the broken window. Maybe she didn't run away. Maybe it isn't her fault. 
                          
I suddenly feel a wave of guilt wash over me as I replay the conversation we had. I now understand why she was so frustrated when I ordered her to give me answers. It's not her fault. 
                          
Should I go to the cops?  No...  I don't know for sure. I risk calling them for nothing and having her dislike me. Is it worth it? But I still don't  know where she is staying, and the fact that she couldn't tell me proves that she doesn't want the cops involved. I'm sure she knows that they're after her, hence why she came at night. 
                          
I force the thoughts out of my head, telling myself that I'll have all day to rule things out in my mind tomorrow as it's Saturday and I won't have to go to school, if I can sleep the night, and possibly sleep late. After about a half hour of tossing and turning, trying to find the most comfortable position to sleep in, I begin to drift off once again, telling myself over and over again that Ali is in fact okay, and will be okay. She's one of the strongest girls I know and I'm sure she'll pull through. With that, I am able to finally fall asleep.
                          
A/N
                          
Sorry it's a little late today! I won't be updating on Wednesday this week most likely. I'll let you know tomorrow if things have changed!
                          
Anyway, you know what to do! Thanks for reading!
                          
~Alexis