[Chapter Twenty-Three] Forgiveness Doesn't Come Easily

                                    

                                          
Chapter Twenty-Three – Forgiveness Doesn't Come Easily 
 Julian's Pov
                          
As she walked away I felt like complete crap for what I said to her. I just proved I was a dick and I always pushed her to open up and never left when she asked me too, all she was doing was trying to help and I totally lashed out at her, which made me feel even worse than I had been feeling before.
                          
I liked her a lot, more than she thinks I do.
                          
I retreated back to my room and grabbed my laptop before throwing it at the wall in anger at myself and flipped the mattress when Kylie came rushing in.
                          
"Julian, what. Oh come on." She groaned when she saw the little bit I had done
                          
"I need a new laptop." I wouldn't look at her
                          
"What happened?" she closed the door and leaned on the edge of my desk and I slid down the wall and sat there, putting my head in my hands in irritation.
                          
"Nothing."
                          
"Talk to me." she touched my arm and I pushed it away
                          
"I said nothing." I snapped at her and she jumped at my tone but didn't move away
                          
"Julian, come on." She said softly
                          
"I screw things up with Bailey. She tried to help and I said some nasty things and treated her like shit. She left and I don't blame her."
                          
She came and sat beside me, leaning her head on my shoulder. It reminded me of when we were kids hiding out on the side of the house when my dad was angry.
                          
"I know you care about her, but you have to focus on yourself more Julian. You can't spend all your time worrying about her."
                          
"I know."
                          
"Maybe just let it go." She suggested and I pulled away and looked at her.
                          
"How would you feel if this were Caleb?" I asked
                          
"We aren't the same you know. I don't want to see you hurting or getting worse because of this." she was just looking out for me, I knew that
                          
"Do you really think she makes me worse?" I asked her and she shook her head
                          
"No, I think she helps you a lot in all the ways I can't. I can't go through this with you because I've already been through it, I can't bond with you like she can and I think that she's good for you if you can't stop being an idiot and messing it up." She pushed my shoulder and I shoved her back
                          
"Thanks for the confidence in me." I said sarcastically
                          
"Anything for you." I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and kissed her forehead
                          
"I love you Ky."
                          
"Love you too Jay. Now I think you should take a couple days and think about things, get your feelings straight." She suggested and I shook my head
                          
"I need to fix things now, I don't know if I can sleep without her and I need to apologize."
                          
"That's a problem right there, you can't be so dependent on her and she can't be too dependent on you. it's like going from one addiction to another and you need to both be able to do this on your own."
                          
"Don't be a hypocrite." I shook my head, she always had Caleb.
                          
"I'm not. I'm with him now but you will leave first and you're going to have to sleep alone and so will she, you'll need to be able to succeed outside by yourself too with support of course. After I got out I took a month before I moved in with Caleb and we kept a distance to establish some independence out there and see how we were feeling now that we were both out."