'the good does outweigh the bad'
Jacob’s POV
Healing is, unfortunately, not something that can be done over a night, a day or even within months.
There are good days but losing my mom destroyed a huge part of me but it is a part that is healing more and more as the days go on. Bad days still happen but thanks to Troye the healing process has been smooth.
A part of me knows that in some ways I will not be the same again but nothing too drastic. That part of me knows that I will always get teary eyed (whether it is because of sadness, nostalgia, longing, happiness or a mixture of them all I do not know) when I pass yellow roses. That part of me knows that I will never not go more than a few weeks without reading the long letter she left for me.
That part of me knows that Pennsylvania is a place that is distant and cannot really be home again, yet I feel nostalgic for it all the same.
In two days it will be Troye and I’s one year anniversary. It both feels like I have not known him for that long, yet, in another way I feel like I have known him forever.
In some odd way it feels like just yesterday I was admiring my neighbour’s (well former neighbour as we have moved in together in his apartment) ass shamelessly as he walked out his apartment yet it feels like a lifetime ago when I learnt that that boy was in fact blind and had a darling dog named Bruno.
It is an odd feeling to reminisce on all we have gone through within one year but as I do so I know he is someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. Now we never really talk about marriage, for god’s sake, we are still uni students for another three years each, but I know it is in the cards, but what is the rush?
I have planned a trip to Pennsylvania for this weekend as strange as that may seem but it is the place I realised my true feelings for him, it still holds the majority of my fondest memories.
I have his gift in my hands, knowing I should give it to him now so that I don’t stress him out about packing at the last minute, I know my boy, he will pack his pants and no underwear or shoes but no socks. I know how his pretty little head works. I chuckle at the thought of a frazzled Troye.
“Baby,” I sing-song as I walk down the stairs slowly. “I have a little something here for you!”
He is on the sofa, his laptop on his lap, furiously typing away at an essay I know he wants to get done so that we have our anniversary weekend free to ourselves.
“And what may that be?” he asks, setting his laptop down on the coffee table.
I collapse next to him and I pass the gift box.
“Oh, a gift box with ribbon, how fancy, Bix,” he teases I roll my eyes, damn it, he really did rub off on me with the horrible habit.
“Only the best for my boy,” I tease back.
“Cheeseball,” he mumbles under his breath but his smile is huge and glowing.
He takes off the red ribbon and takes out the note I got in braille for him. I watch as he slides his fingers skilfully over each letter and he smiles even wider, I want to kiss him so bad.
He reads the note out loud, “Two plane tickets for the place I hold so close to my heart, the place I fell in love with you, my home town – love you lots- from Jake.”
He looks in my direction and then his smile becomes a bit smaller. “You haven’t been to Penn since your mom’s funeral Jakey, are you sure about this?”
“I am,” I tell him. “And yes, it may hold the worst memories of my life but it also holds majority of the fondest, the good does outweigh the bad,” Troye gives me a pointed look; I hold his one hand in my own. “I promise,” I reassure him. “Yes I will be a bit sad at first but you going to be with me, besides, I can't just cut my childhood home out of my life even if my mom isn’t there anymore it will always be my first home,” I say, much quieter now. The one corner of Troye’s mouth twitches and then he is smiling again.
“This is very brave of you, Jakey,” he leans over to press a kiss to the corner of my mouth. “I’d love to go with you, thank you, this is so thoughtful, Jay,” I smile, proud as a praised puppy.
“Good,” I say right before I press our lips together firmly.
He is quick to flip me onto my back though. He hovers over me and straddles my waist. He leans down to kiss me again. I place each of my hands over his hips and under his shirt to massage the skin there; the way I know he loves it.
“I love you,” he says.
“I love you too, my angel,” I say back before he kisses me once more.
(these last two chapters suck they really do i apologise that they are so mediocre)
sooooo ya girl has a new book up!!! it's basically gonna be a book where i publish a bunch of oneshots and short stories and anything else i have in my drafts tbh bc let me tell you i have a loooottt hidden in my drafts that i need to get rid of lol
please check it out!!! vote and comment please!!
what it looks like:
