Chapter Sixteen

                                    

                                          
Third Person
                          
Natsu sobbed that night. He sobbed harder the next day. He was a mess the day of her funeral. How could he not realize what she was going to do? Nana seemed so happy, but Natsu should have known better. He should have known fucking better. Gray felt like shit. Did he cause this? Did he sway Nana into killing herself when he declared his love for Natsu to her? He thought she would be better, that they would become friends. Could he have stopped it?
                          
School was cancelled for the rest of the week when Nana was found dead in the school's backyard. The police ruled it as a suicide, as she was the only student out of class and she was holding a note. The note was unreadable, as her blood had cause the ink of the pen to smear. It was an unanimous agreement that Nana had jumped off the roof. Her parents were the first ones contacted, but the students found out not too long after. How could they not spot the medics carrying a stretcher covered in blood?
                          
The funeral was small, like Nan liked most of her parties. Natsu was obviously invited, and he was allowed to bring Gray for emotional support, but he sat as Natsu cried with Nana's parents. He felt unwelcomed there. No one knew about the conversation he had with Nana, but his guilt made him fear one person knew. One person was aware that Gray possibly encouraged the sweet blind girl hopelessly in love with her childhood friend to kill herself.
                          
Once the funeral was finished, Gray stayed with Natsu in his room. They were wet from the rain, but they only changed their clothes. Natsu sat wrapped in Gray's arms as soft music played in the background. They were silent. Natsu was too sad and Gray thought it would be rude to have a conversation at such a delicate time. The only sounds were the pouring rain against Natsu's window, the soft music, and Natsu's occasional sobs or sniffles.
                          
Finally, after about an hour, Natsu said in a strained voice, "It's my fault." Gray held Natsu tighter. "It's all my fault. She . . . she told me she loved me, Gray. She poured her entire heart out to me, and I just rejected her. I . . . I didn't want to give her false hope, but I could have done it better. Now she's dead. Nana's dead because of me." Natsu sobbed in Gray's shirt.
                          
Gray held Natsu closer. "No, it's my fault. I . . . I talked to her. I talked to her right before she killed herself. We talked about you. She . . . she told me she loved you and how she wanted to still be your friend. Maybe if I chose my words correctly, maybe then she would be alive. I'm sorry, Natsu. I know how much you cared about her and I'm the reason she . . . " Gray didn't like crying and he rarely did it, but in that moment, he couldn't hold back his tears. "Fuck."
                          
Natsu held Gray closer to him. "You did nothing, damn it." He insisted. "She said she was happy for us, but I should have known better than that. I should have fucking know she was sad, depressed. She was my friend for so many years, but this time, I was the blind one. I was the one who couldn't see how upset she was, the signs of her depression, now she's gone. Maybe it was neither of our faults, maybe she was just confessing to get a weight off her shoulders. All I know is I should have known something. Christ, why can't I just be normal? Maybe if I wasn't such a freak, then she would be -"
                          
Gray pressed his lips against Natsu's in a kiss. Their tears mixed, burning Gray's cut, but he had to ignore it. Natsu kissed Gray back, running his fingers through his hair. They pulled apart, Natsu sobbing by this point. "Don't talk about yourself like that! No one should think like that. You and Nana are just as normal as me or Lucy. Your disability did nothing, Natsu! You're perfect, understand? Do you understand?"
                          
Natsu chocked on his sobs. He nodded his head. Gray watched as Natsu buried his face in Grays' chest, drowning out his sobs. "I love you," Natsu sobbed, gripping at Gray's shirt. "I love you so fucking much. You're like a ray of light and for some reason, you decided to let me bask in your light. I love you."
                          
Gray kissed the top of Natsu's head, his tears landing in his scalp. "I love you, too. I love everything about you. I promise . . . " Gray hesitated, but he kept going, "I promise to take care of you. I'll love you as long as you'll let me. I won't leave you, I promise. I'll never leave you. I love you too much to leave. Alright?" 
                          
Natsu nodded his head, sobbing growing louder. "We're fucking terrible." He cried.
                          
Gray held Natsu tighter, closing his eyes. "Yeah, we really are."