Chapter 18: Not Feeling 22

                                    

                                          
Today is not going to be a good day.
                          
It's a Wednesday.
                          
It's a week and a half since I've spoken to my former best friend.
                          
It's 6 O'Clock in the morning.
                          
And it's my twenty second birthday.
                          
Harry and I had plans for today. I was going to call in sick, we were going to go on a road trip for the day and just have fun for once, without any cared. We were going to laugh and talk and sing all day to trashy music and eat junk food and skim stones along the water at the beach. It was going to be amazing.
                          
But that's not going to happen because it's done...it's over. The sooner I accept that the easier it will be to move on. I sigh and close my eyes, instinctively pulling my doona up over my face to hide under the covers as the tears fall. I don't know who I'm hiding from. Myself probably.
                          
I push the covers back and roll over, screaming angrily into the pillow before finally dragging my body to sit up.
                          
I hesitantly grab my phone, it's still early so I probably don't have any birthday wishes yet.
                          
Mum: 
Happy birthday dear, call me when you're awake. love you xxx
                          
I do as I'm told and call her, wiping the tears from my face.
                          
"Happy 22nd birthday!!" My Mum calls into the phone. "Happy birthday honey!" I hear my Dad yell from the background.
                          
"Thank you." I laugh.
                          
"Now, your father and I were thinking we could catch the train in and take you to dinner tonight to celebrate if you have time?" She asks. I can't think of anything worse than having to pretend I'm happy around my parents. I love them, I'm just not up to it. And my Mum will be able to tell something's wrong and she'll press me for details.
                          
"I don't really have time, sorry Mum. I have heaps on at work." I lie, trying to sound confident.
                          
"Oh are you sure? You can't work all the time, it's your birthday after all."
                          
"I'm sorry, I'd love to see you guys but I just can't at the moment. I'll come home as soon as I can." I feel bad, I do.
                          
"Okay well I'll let you get ready for work. Have a great day sweetheart. Love you."
                          
"Bye Mum, love you." I hang up.
                          
Today feels like one of those days where you just know it's going to be horrible right from the word go.
                          
A few hours later, I find myself sitting at my desk ridiculously bored. It's my birthday, I don't want to do work. I scroll through twitter hoping to see something that makes me feel more enthusiastic about today...
                          
@itsLinda: Happy Birthday to the beautiful @CharJones, hope you have a great day love. We'll have to party soon to celebrate!!
                          
I retweet Linda and reply. @CharJones: @itsLinda of course!! thanks babe.
                          
@GemmaAnneStyles: Happy birthday to this crazy gal, @CharJones. pic.twitter.com/fdkfjsdf
                          
She's posted a horrible photo of me passed out...as far as I can tell its from our uni days and it does put a smile on my face.
                          
@CharJones: can't wait till your birthday so I can post a worse photo of you! But thanks girl!!
                          
I keep scrolling, theres lots of random happy birthday messages from people I don't know..presumably one direction fans. I groan but favourite most of them anyway. I can't help myself, before I know it I'm searching Harry's name and looking at his page. I know he won't have tweeted me, he wouldn't have even remembered it's my birthday. Yep...nothing. How disappointing.