Waking Up

                                    

                                          
I stood on the driveway for a few moments. It's like I was made of stone. I couldn't move, like a statue. My body just wouldn't function and all I could do was stare blankly at the stones on the floor where the car was just seconds ago.
                          
I wonder what Ryan is doing right now. Like I know he's in the car and not even out of town yet, but is he listening to music and drowning out the world? Or is he just looking at photos and remembering all the times that he can't have again?
                          
Or maybe he's just sitting there, numb. Like me. Maybe we are the same and he can't move or think or say anything. Chloe is probably listening in to music and dancing along with her arms, or singing along at the top of her lungs. I'm sure that won't be helping.
                          
I know I can't stand out here forever, no matter how much I want to. I have to go inside and get in with my day. It's still early. Too early considering I'm not going anywhere today. 
                          
I assume I've been out here a while. I know I've been up for a while. But I'm tired and emotionally exhausted. I'm going back to bed.
                          
I dragged myself back inside and back to our, I mean my, room. Before, it felt empty. Now, it feels less than empty. Like something is missing. And that something is Ryan. Nothing is left of him apart from all my memories of him and a hoodie.
                          
I climbed back into my Noe cold bed and wrapped the blankets tightly around me as I hugged the hoodie I was wearing. It's not the same any more. It doesn't feel like a hug but it still smells like him and makes me feel closer to him.
                          
The, something caught my eye. I turned to look at the shelf, and the snow globe was sitting there in its rightful place. It must have been returned recently because,the,glitter and snow is still floating its way to the bottom. What the heck? 
                          
Did whoever took it, put it back while I was saying goodbye to Ryan? They must have done. And that means Ryan definitely didn't have it because he was with me the whole time.
                          
But then, why would someone take it from me, then only give it back once Ryan is gone? And if they were planning on giving it back, why didn't they return it before everyone had to do quadruple chores and was grounded? That makes no sense to me at all.
                          
For now, I'm in too much of a state to think about it though. I just lay back down and covered my face with the duvet and wished that Ryan would come back again and not go to America. 
                          
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I know it's been ages but I haven't slept. I'm just lying here, trying not to cry, trying to sleep. Failing to sleep. And almost crying. I can't do it. I can't,go back to sleep. 
                          
I need to go about my day. I need to have a shower, get dressed, make breakfast and enjoy the day the best I can. I know I can't, I can't do much when I'm feeling like this. But I can't fly my best and hope that people help. Then all I can do is wait for a text.
                          
I pulled the duvet off my head and instantly felt so confused. Everything of Ryan's is back in its place, and the bed is made. The curtains are open and light is streaming in. Outside looks really sunny. What's going on?
                          
Did I fall asleep and just not realise it? Did I dream that whole thing?! At would be great. I mean, his stuff is definitely here. Maybe this was all just a really mean prank? I mean they never said goodbye to anyone else and Chloe didn't seem bothered at all! It all makes sense!
                          
Or maybe, the more likely scenario is that he got to the airport and decided not to go after all. He bottled it last minute and took all his stuff back and unpacked it...all in the same place as it was before. 
                          
You know what, I have no idea what happened. I decided to just get out of bed and go find everyone to see what has happened. The house is all creepy quiet. Like even the radio isn't on. Mike normally has the radio on in the mornings.