Chapter 19

                                    

                                          
Rian's POV
                          
I stood in line next to Patrick as his family and friends come and go, paying their respects for Patrick's grandfather. I stand at Patrick's side being introduced to everyone that comes by.
                          
"Do you guys know where Jack went?" Erica whispers to both Patrick and I.
                          
"No. Last time I saw her was when we all walked in a few hours ago." Patrick replies.
                          
"Mom is getting nervous because that was the last time anyone has seen her." Erica looks worried.
                          
"Do you want me to go look for her while you guys stay here?" I look between the siblings.
                          
"Do you mind?" Erica asks me.
                          
"Not at all. I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable right now anyway." I say quietly.
                          
"Go look for Jackie and take care of yourself, buttercup. I'll be fine." Patrick squeezes my hand before I let go.
                          
I walk around the funeral hall looking for Jackie. I look in all the rooms, bathrooms, and closets, coming up short. I head to the doors to go outside. I make my way through the maze of people and out the front door. I look to my left at the pond the funeral home is on. I see a figure sitting on the grass by themself. I make my way over to the figure to see its Jackie. I walk closer, taking a seat beside her.
                          
"Shouldn't you be with Patrick?" She says through her sniffles, looking out at the water.
                          
"I think he can manage without me for a bit." I say looking out at the pond as well.
                          
We sit there in silence for a while.
                          
"How much did you shut down when you lost your brother?" Jackie asks me, still looking at the pond.
                          
"For starters, I lost all my friends because I wouldn't talk to them, I hardly talk to my own family, my best friend doesn't even know a lot about my personal life, and your brother is the first boyfriend I have had in a long time. So I'd say I shut down pretty good." I admit.
                          
"Really?" She looks at me shocked. I nod my head in response. "Why? Why is he the first?" She asked curiously.
                          
"Because he was the only one who cared enough to help me, and he stuck with me no matter how many times I yelled at him and got freaked out. He's the only one who actually gave two shits about me." I explain.
                          
"Do you trust him?" She asks.
                          
"More than anyone else." I admit.
                          
"Do you love him?" She said the word I was hoping she wouldn't say.
                          
"Jackie, I care about your brother. So much. More than you will understand." I start.
                          
"But you don't love him." Jackie states.
                          
"I never said that." I defend myself.
                          
"No, but you implied it." She fires back.
                          
"Look. I have not loved anyone or anything since my brother died. I never opened up to anyone before your brother came along. He is slowly breaking my walls and it scares me. I wont say I'm in love with your brother because I'm scared I am going to lose him. I'm scared that he will either walk out on me or die on me, both of which would crush me entirely. You could say I'm in love with him, yes, but it will be a long time before I can actually say those words and mean them." I finish.
                          
"If he asked you to marry him would you?" She asks quietly.
                          
"In a heart beat." I breath. Jackie leans on my shoulder, I wrap my arm around her. "If your brother were to ask me to marry him, I would not hesitate to say yes." I whisper to her, resting my head on hers.