Chapter Four

                                    

                                          
Chapter Four


                          
I watched as the blonde haired girl stared at the computer screen with eyes flooding with tears. She was reading all of the harsh opinions about her that people felt she needed to know. There were so many ranging from "you're an ugly bitch," to "just go kill yourself already."  If both comments were knives, you might say one's blade was was sharper than the other, but the girl didn't notice. Both blades branded each word on the screen into her brain just the same.
                          
You're probably wondering who this fragile and semi-broken girl is. Well, it's me, but it didn't really  feel like it. I felt completely detached from my body, like I was watching someone else scroll through disgusting things people had to to say about them. But it wasn't someone else; it was me. All of this hate was directed towards me. I knew there were some people out there who didn't necessarily like me, but I never knew it was this much. There were pages and pages and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop reading.
                          
Obviously she's just using Zayn for fame
                          
Why would management set him up with someone like her, they at least could've chosen someone pretty
                          
How did she even win X-Factor? The only talent she has is being a slut
                          
I kept scrolling, my eyes occasionally landing on some nice comments, but I didn't focus on those. I was searching for the insults and harsh words like detectives searched for clues. I was Sherlock Holmes, trying to unravel the mystery of why these people despise me so greatly. So far, I haven't found a logical explanation besides the fact that I'm "an ugly slut using Zayn for his fame".  God, do these people even realize how much their words can damage a person? So far to the point where they stare at their laptop screen for two hours and try to hold in hysterical sobs? I don't think they do because if they did, I'm sure they'd keep their mouths shut.
                          
I continued to read, every word leaving another scar, but the blades were halted as my phone started ringing. The name Zayn flashed across the screen and I wiped the tears from my eyes and cleared my throat before answering.
                          
"Hello," I answered trying to keep my voice steady.
                          
"Hey," he said.
                          
"Hey," I said back timidly. There were a few beats of awkward silence before I finally asked, "So, what did you call for?"
                          
"Oh, I uh, just wanted to see how you were doing," he paused. "So, how are you doing?"
                          
Shitty. "Fine."
                          
"Are you sure? You don't really sound like it," he commented, clearly unconvinced.
                          
"No I'm just tired from waking up early and we had a concert yesterday and I just have to get back into the routine," I said. "But I'm fine."
                          
"Promise?" He asked after minute.
                          
I was hesitant agree. Zayn and I have made countless promises to each other before-all of which I took seriously, so if I promised this to him it would be the first promise I'd ever break with him. And I don't want to make a promise to Zayn that I know will be a broken one, but then I remember he's starting the Where We Are Tour and I don't want to give him more to worry about. Plus, I was sure my voice would crack if I even a
                          
"Promise," I gulped.
                          
Zayn and I only talked for a few more minutes after that and even though the conversation was strained and slightly awkward, I didn't want to hang up. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him and missed him, because I did-I really did-but at the same time I was so pissed at him for letting me leave without kissing me goodbye and leaving my lips cold without his to blanket them in a coat of warmth and calling me and acting like he didn't do that. How could he act like he didn't leave me shivering without his touch to encase me in warmth? I should have asked him, but before i had the chance we were saying goodbye and I was trying to ignore the absence of exchanges of "I love you". 
                          
I set my phone back down on the bed and glanced back at my laptop screen before I closed it and let out a long sigh. I could not let their lies get to me. I have to get this through my head, for Jesy, for Jade, Leigh, my family, the fans, and for Zayn. I never liked breaking promises, and I am determined do everything I can to prevent myself from shattering this one. 
                          
I suddenly realized how exhausted I actually was and placed my laptop on the small nightstand next to the bed and settled myself in under the safety of the covers, all the while holding a promise made of glass. I drifted of soon after, but before sleep completely over took my mind I prayed that glass wouldn't fall to the floor. 
                          
-
                          
I was awoken by the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. There was just something so exquisite about Leigh Anne's screams emitting from my phone and echoing through the room that I buried my head under my pillow. 
                          
Please, note the sarcasm.
                          
I groaned as the door swung open and Leigh entered the hotel bedroom. "Don't you just love waking up to the sound of my glamorous voice?" she asked innocently.
                          
"Go away," I whined pulling the covers over my head.
                          
"Perrie it's seven 'o' clock, we have an interview and signing to be at in an hour," Jade's voice reminded me. I pried the covers off of my head and rubbed my eyes to clear my vision. A dressed Jade and Leigh were standing at the foot of my bed giving me a look with both eyebrows raised. I sighed.
                          
"Okay, I'll be out in a minute," I told them.
                          
They both exited the room and I followed soon after. I took a quick shower and styled my hair then applied my make up before slipping into appropriate attire. Jade told me that our stylist couldn't make it so we were forced to get ready by ourselves. Once the four of us were ready we all piled into the car and our driver headed off to our destination.
                          
The car ride was filled with the usual chatter and laughter though not much of that came from me. I mostly just listened to the girls' conversations and stared out the window. I wasn't really up for talking, mostly because I was tired as hell but also because I just wasn't up for talking. My mind was in other places at the moment and most of them consisted of a certain dark haired boy who hasn't escaped my mind in twenty four hours. His charcoal hair and cinnamon eyes were imprinted in my memory along with his short stubble and pouted lips. The tattoos etched into his perfectly tanned skin and muscular arms that have embraced me at least a million and three times. If perfection existed, Zayn would be the definition.
                          
"Pez," Jesy called from outside the door of the car. I hadn't noticed our arrival. It seemed like the car ride went by in only seconds. Zayn always had that effect though; making time fly by. Though, he usually did that in other ways.
                          
Once I fully came back into reality and got out of the car we all made our way inside the building as flashing lights blinded my vision once again. God, please not again. There was a mixture of shouting paparazzi and screaming fans lining a pathway to the entrance and I wanted to run to the door as fast as I could but Jade, Jesy and Leigh were all saying "hi" to fans and signing things so I had no choice but to keep a smile plastered on my face and repeat their actions.
                          
We only stayed back for a couple minutes, but my patients was already wore so thin I could barely feel it. I was the first to continue walking to the door and the others caught up to me. We all walked side by side in silence waving to the fans and smiling as we made the journey that felt like ten miles when it was really just ten feet. I was relieved when I had successfully blocked out the shouts of the paparazzi and was two steps away from my gateway to safety, but my hearing tuned back in at the last minute.
                          
"Perrie! What do you have to say about Zayn leaking this picture of you!?"
                          
I was confused and before I could stop myself I had turned my head and what I saw shocked me so much that my body and mind completely froze. Just a few feet behind me a pap stood with a camera in one hand and ain the other a picture of a blonde headed girl posing seductively in only her underwear; and that girl, was me.