Chapter 14

                                    

                                          
Spencer//
                          
"I see here that you take medication for asthma" Linda said as she examined my old medical records that she got online. "And you take a few supplements and a medication to calm your nerves" that was about it. Talking about medication ignites my anxiety for some reason. I hate it. 
                          
Jack squeezed my hand in an it-will-be-alright gesture. I was very grateful. I'm glad he came here with me I couldn't have had the courage to come again all on my own. 
                          
"Ok listen Spencer, I'll write a prescription only if you promise me to get the prescribed medication" she said, hopeful as ever. 
                          
"Do I really have to? Can't I get better without medication?" 
                          
"You can, but see with depression, your brain doesn't produce Serotonin and Dopamine correctly, so when a depression episode is happening, you can't come out of it by yourself even if you want to. Like you can't physically cheer up or have fun. Your body is unable to, and that's what the medication is for. Medication, and then treatment. That's how it works"
                          
I gotta say when she puts it like that it's convincing. Like I now know why exactly I'll be taking the meds, and not just "take those they'll help". 
                          
I agreed. 
                          
"Okay great. I'll need you to stop taking the supplements and the other medication, so basically if it's not asthma related, stop taking it," she scribbled in a squiggly handwriting "And take these instead" she gave me the prescription which I couldn't read. 
                          
"Will my insomnia be gone and my sleep get better?" she knows about my sleeping habits from the couple sessions we had and I talked. 
                          
"You'll always have nights where you can't sleep at all, but your sleeping quality should become significantly better, and henceforth you'll feel less tired."
                          
That's a relief. Dr. Linda said that I might find these meds at the hospital pharmacy, where they sell them for a discount to help people. Honestly this is such a great town. I wished I could live and study here instead.
                          
We found the medicines we needed in the hospital pharmacy, which wasn't crowded thankfully. It seemed to me that not much people live here. 
                          
"Thanks so much for coming with me. I owe you a lot" I thanked jack as he drove us back to Hilltown, and consequently to my apartment. "You're such a great friend and I could never return the favour" 
                          
"It's nothin don't worry about it" he said, passing a hand through his dirty blonde hair, with the other fixed on the steering wheel. "I'm just glad you're gettin the treatment you need" 
                          
It was almost dark when we arrived, with the sun fading into a dark blue illuminated with the faint glow of the moon. 
                          
I hugged Jack goodbye, who wasn't keen on the touchy feely stuff at first. But he's all good now. 
                          
"Oh before I go" I stopped midway from the entrance of the building. "Have you heard anything from Jessy?"  
                          
Jessy is, or was, a part of Ryder's old group; a petite barbie looking girl with white bright skin and pinkish cheeks, and soft features. She has been MIA for a few days. 
                          
I had the chance to grab a coffee with her while she was hanging out with Jack, who's the only one she still talks to from their old group. 
                          
"Yeah she texted me when you were talkin with the psych. She's been seein someone and she got occupied but she's good now" 
                          
"That's great I'm glad she's alright. Well I'll see you later?" 
                          
"Definitely" 
                          
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I readied myself for the fight that was bound to happen with me and Ryder. That's all we do now. Fight like lions in the day, and have silent dinners at night. 
                          
I put my keys through the door and opened it. What was in front of me shocked me. 
                          
Ryder was sprawled on the couch, hammered, with a bottle of Jack in his hand, looking almost halfway through. He didn't acknowledge me. His eyes were trained on the TV. 
                          
I snatched the bottle out of his hand and examined it. It was more than halfway. I felt anger surge through me at his recklessness. 
                          
"Are you mad!? Do you fucking want to get alcohol poisoning!?" he didn't answer me. 
                          
I was worried sick. Ever since I've known Ryder I've never seen him get drunk like this. He only drinks subtly when he's with his friends but that's it. 
                          
"What's wrong? Why are you so smashed what happened?" It was like talking to a wall. He wouldn't answer me or react. He robotically flipped through a few channels and put it back. He was driving me crazy. 
                          
"Ryder fucking answer me" I roared. Still no answer and I was trying so hard to control my anger. I placed my guitar on the side of the couch. Ryder grabbed the bottle but I took it away from him again and emptied it in the sink. 
                          
He didn't fight for it. He was still sitting the same way. 
                          
I was livid. Why was I livid? Why did I care? Is Jack right after all? 
                          
I got even angrier at myself. I dashed towards him, placed my legs on each side of his, sat on his knees and grabbed him by the collar. "WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?" so subtle as usual. 
                          
His bloodshot eyes were barely open. 
                          
A tear escaped. Then another. And another. And then he was crying. My clutch on him loosened. 
                          
"I- I'm sorry I didn't-" 
                          
He shook his head and cried harder. 
                          
I sat on the couch properly and lifted him up and onto me. I was resting halfway on the back and halfway on the seat, and he was resting on my stomach. He didn't fight it. 
                          
Every drop of anger I had in me evaporated. I never seen him so broken, but I couldn't help if he didn't tell me what's wrong. 
                          
I passed my hand through his surprisingly soft jet black hair. I tried to calm him down as much as I could but it was to no avail. It was as if he was holding up for so long and now the dam has broken. 
                          
After a few minutes the crying stopped and he tried to get up. I held onto him. "It's okay I'm so-" he mumbled. 
                          
"no it's fine stay."
                          
"Are you sure?" and those were the first coherent words he slurred. 
                          
"Yes stay" 
                          
"Okay" and he did. 
                          
After a short while of comfortable silence, Ryder spoke. "Why are you so nice to me?" 
                          
I didn't expect that question. I mean I didn't consider myself a nice person at all. "I yell at you almost everyday how am I nice?" 
                          
"Oh, you do actually. But you don't hate me do you?" 
                          
"Why would I hate you?" I asked, wanting to get as much information out of him as possible. If sober Ryder won't open up, I'm good with a drunk one. 
                          
"Because I called you a liar and stopped speaking to you for weeks" 
                          
"No I don't hate you" the sad thing is that I should hate him. I was guilty of a crime I didn't commit. 
                          
"See, you're nice to me" to be honest I was amazed he was able to make conclusions in this state. 
                          
"You gave me shelter away from that noisy dorm, you defended me when I got called a fag, and you're not always annoying, so yeah we're good" 
                          
He turned to me, and for once, I was the one looking down at him instead of the opposite.
                          
"Why can't she be more like you?" 
                          
I didn't see that coming and I didn't know how to answer that. 
                          
"Like what?" 
                          
He didn't answer. He planted his lips on mine and fell asleep straight after. 
                          
More to come soon. Finals end Thursday and I will be free.