Chapter 8

                                    

                                          
"Just leave him," Dean suggests. "He's not helping anyway."

                          
"Yeah, neither are you," Gabriel replies. "You don't see us locking you away."
                          
"Because at least I'm trying to do something other than be a complete pain in the ass, which is more than I can say for your big bro over there."
                          
"Really, you are? Wow. I didn't notice."
                          
"You —"
                          
"Alright, enough!" Ellen interrupts. "We're not getting anything done by arguing all day."
                          
"We're not getting anything done at all," Balthazar reminds her. 
                          
"I say we go to bed and start fresh tomorrow," Jo suggests. "Preferably without all the pointless fighting."
                          
"But fighting is the best part," Gabriel protests in his typical snarky style.
                          
"I have to agree with Jo," Dean say, ignoring the archangel. "I'm wiped. We can figure something out tomorrow. For now, I'm going to bed." He gives Castiel a pointed look, and the angel knows that's his cue to come with him. 
                          
He follows Dean out of the room, walking down the halls in silence. He wishes there was something he could say or do that would cheer him up, but he can't think of anything. He can't exactly bring up his experience from the real world. Even just proposing the idea of waiting for God to save them would be met with nothing but an eye roll and a sarcastic remark. So, instead, Castiel just sits next to him on the bed, their hands intertwined. 
                          
"I don't know if I can keep doing this, Cas," Dean says softly. "I mean, we're not getting any closer to finding a way to stop the Darkness, even with all these other angels on our side. I'm beginning to wonder if we should just give in."
                          
"You can't mean that," Castiel protests. There's no way Dean Winchester, the man who has saved the world on numerous occasions when the odds were stacked against him so high, Donald Trump's imaginary wall would be jealous, is seriously considering giving up. 
                          
"I do," Dean replies. "There's no way we're going to stop Amara. Why bother trying?"
                          
"Dean..."
                          
"There are so many other things we could be doing right now," Dean continues. "So many places I've never seen that we could be exploring before they're all gone, just you and me. What are we waiting for, Cas? Let's go enjoy our last few weeks on earth."
                          
"And just give up?" Castiel finishes. "Is that what you've come to?" 
                          
He had expected things to be different with the two of then dating, but he didn't think it would make Dean go soft like this. He distinctly remembers back when Sam was Lucifer's vessel all this years ago in the real universe, when everyone else had given up. Bobby and Castiel were ready to sit back and wait for the inevitable blast wave, but Dean wouldn't. He refused to just lie down and die, even though there was no way they should have stood a chance; even though everyone and everything told him to give up. Have times really changed that much?
                          
"You know what, Cas? Yes. Yes, I am ready to give up. I know you and everyone else want to be some big heroes, saving the world again and again, and usually, I'd be right by your side. But we can't win this fight. So can't I at least lose happy?"
                          
"Yes, you can win," Castiel tells him. "You can lose fighting. You always wanted to go down swinging. What was it? Going out in a blaze of glory? Well, maybe this is hopeless. I don't know. But if it is, this is your chance for the ending you always dreamed on. You've lived the life of a hero since you were four years old. Here's your chance to go out like one."
                          
Dean just looks at him for a few moments, then looks away, running a hand down his face. "I guess... I don't know. Maybe you're right."
                          
"I am," he replies confidently. 
                          
"You know what? We can talk about it in the morning. Right now, I just want a night with you, okay?"
                          
Castiel can't help but smile at that. "Okay, Dean. Good night." He gives the boy a brief kiss and lies back in bed with him. 
                          
So maybe he lied. Maybe he doesn't really want to keep fighting so Dean can have his blaze of glory moment. He just doesn't want this djinn dream to end, and if defeating Amara again is what it takes, that's what he'll do.