3

                                    

                                          
Michael and Luke left an hour after I had stopped sobbing. After they left, I decided to take a shower. I gathered some underwear, black sweatpants, and a plain black shirt. 
                          
I walked upstairs and into the bathroom, closing and locking the door. Next, I turned the water on and slipped out of my clothes, carefully climbing in under the warm, sprinkling water.
                          
I started to think about Harry. Was he happy? Did he miss me at all? What was he doing at that moment? Was he with Ashton? Was Ashton making him happy? I didn't think I wanted the answers to any of those questions. Of course, Ashton made him happy. What was I thinking? You don't cheat with someone that doesn't satisfy you. You don't leave your relationship for somebody who doesn't give you butterflies and a near permanent smile on your face. Ashton could do that for Harry; I couldn't. 
                          
I wondered what Harry was telling Ashton. Was it the same things he had told me in the beginning? That he'd always be there, that he'd always love me and that nothing could change that? 
                          
Were they cuddling? Fucking? On the couch watching a movie? 
                          
It was starting to drive me insane. 
                          
I couldn't stop myself from thinking about Harry, no matter how hard I tried. My mind always found a way back to him, quickly. I thought about all the times Harry and I would cuddle on the couch or in bed, watching movies. Or the times we would go shopping together, or when we would talk about our future or go on simple dates or when he took my virginity. 
                          
I sighed, glancing down at my unsatisfying body. 
                          
Harry and I talked about having children once. I imagined the baby bump that would've been there if we actually had a baby, the large roundness of my belly that resulted from a little human combination of the two of us. My heart fluttered for a second, before it died again. 
                          
Stop it, Louis. You've lost him.
                          
I sighed, choosing to think about something else for as long as I could. After I failed the few attempts I made, I gave up.
                          
Cold water raining over me is what snapped me back into reality ten minutes later. I quickly washed my hair and body, rinsing off before shutting off the water. 
                          
I slowly got out, glancing at myself in the mirror. 
                          
My eyes were rimmed with red, and they were puffy. I looked disgusting. 
                          
I dried my hair and body, quickly getting dressed and walking out. 
                          
I sighed, walking to the bedroom that Harry and I used to share. The side of the bed that he used to occupy still smelled like him, so I kept the bedding on, clinging to the last bit of him that I had.
                          
I curled up on the half that belonged to Harry, breathing in his scent and squeezing my eyes shut, hoping to finally get some peaceful sleep.
                          
My hopes didn't happen, as I was still awake two hours later. Groaning, I rolled out of the large bed that was once comfortable and walked into the bathroom, digging through the medications until I found melatonin. 
                          
I took four from the bottle and put the cap back on, placing it back in the cupboard. 
                          
I walked downstairs, into the kitchen to get a glass of water. 
                          
I took the pills as fast as I could, wanting to finally be away from the reality that I didn't have my love, even if just for a night.