Chapter 16 // Accepted And Upset

                                    

                                          


                          
I was up most if the night thinking about Negan and what happened with him. I did get sleep though, not much since I woke up earlier than usual; which is pretty weird. I got ready as soon as it was time, I had a peach short sleeved top, blue jeans and a pair of flats; since it was hot outside. I waited for Jase and kept going over how I was going to ask him without being suspicious.
                          
Me and Jase were walking down the stairs, in silence; it wasn't awkward, there just wasn't anything to talk about. Except there was. I was thinking over how I should bring up the question or whether I should cut to the chase and just ask him. I finally had, had enough of this.
                          
We just sat down at the picnic tables and I asked, "Jase, you know when I was crying the other day, what was I saying?" I asked with a curious face, "do you not remember?" I shook my head and he looked at me kind of awkwardly and replied with, "A bunch of stuff about Negan, it..." he paused, looking around, "it was kind of weird, sorry" "It's okay," I apologised back, "I blurt out random stuff when I cry, but what did I say exactly?" I gave him a sorry smile and he said it was okay then added, "something about how sad it makes you when he's not with... or talking, I think, to you... um..." he paused trying to remember the rest, "oh, and, about wanting to see him and that you wanted to know the proper him" I nodded slowly, apologising for my weird sayings.
                          
'He was- Negan was right? And I called him a Liar?' Guilt ran through me as I propped my elbow on the table to rest my head on my hand, 'I... should apologise, but how am I supposed to? I'm still not over what happened last night' I slowly moved my right hand to my left side of my waise and went over his movements, going down to my hip. I sighed quietly, 'I don't feel that way, but it seems like I do. But I don't.'
                          
Time skip
                          
I was in the middle of picking out good crops to take to the kitchen with Jase, when I saw Negan talking to Simon; I think it was. I paused and watched him, the sun making his black hair shine. Even the darkest of things have light from time to time. I watched him until their conversation finished and Simon left, heading inside. Negan watched him go, and let out a big sigh then closed his eyes while he ran his hand through his hair. He seemed worried, or maybe stressed out? I wanted to go and ask if he was okay and apologise but I couldn't bring myself to leave Jase or comfront him after last night.
                          
I looked away from him and back down to the pile of crops I had in a bag. I noticed a pair of eyes on me and as I looked up I noticed Jase staring at me with sad eyes. He scooted over and asked, "what happened, last night?" I sighed, looking at him for a while. I had already told him everything before so I couldn't just leave this bit out. I told him everything. Every chuckle, movement, feeling and pause. Which led me onto explaining why I asked him that question this morning, surprisingly he was pretty calm about it. He understood everything and told me that maybe it was a good thing? "Maybe you'll get to see his hidden layer this way?" Just like something Alana would say, I thanked him for how he reacted and agreed with his idea.
                          
We finished picking crops, gave them to the kitchen, then ate. "When should I say it?" Jase looked up at me, mid-slurp, with a confused face. "Apologise" He finished his last spoon full and sat back, "oh... well right now I guess," "what do you mean? I don't even know where he is..." Jase pointed behind me as soon as I finished. I turned around and saw Negan walk through the doors. "O-Oh." Jase moved his hands at me to tell me to go, "go, go" I asked if he was sure and he nodded. I gave him a nod back to say 'okay' and to thank him. I got up and ran over to him, before he left to somewhere else. He went around a corner, the one where I was crying at weeks before; where usually no one goes.
                          
"Negan!" I spoke out to him, not too loud, from behind him. He spun around, with furrowed brows, which soon seemed to relax as he realised it was me, "Y/N?" I nodded, "Well, what do you want, doll?" I moved a few steps closer to him as my heart began to race. "I... wanted to say that I'm really sorry for calling you a Liar, last night..." his eyebrow raised, "I asked Jase this morning and he told me the same thing..." I bit the inside of my cheek and looked down a bit. My face began to heat up, slowly. He hitched his breathing, meaning he laughed. He walked in as much as he could, my head rising the closer he got. He looked down at me, still standing straight. He smiled, "apology accepted, doll, maybe some day I'll tell you, seriously, about that night." His smile seemed too real, and genuine. No way it could've been fake, was he opening up to me? I hope so. He moved his face closer for a moment and looked into my eyes, and me into his, for a couple of minutes as he then soon turned around and walked away. I was left there, mouth open slightly, blinking. My face still warm and heart still racing. He was so close to me our noses were practically touching, more like lightly brushing against eachother though.
                          
I walked back to find Jase sitting with... Zoe? Guilt made it's way to all parts of my body. It was my fault she got burnt, I mentally face palmed a couple of times. As I got to the table the two stopped muttering one or two words and looked at me as I sat in my seat, "Hi, Zoe" I said, almost whispering, in guilt. She nodded, smiling slightly. She looked so upset, it was all my fault. I felt so bad, but how could you make it up to someone after you caused something as bad as being ironed on the face? You couldn't. No one on the table was talking, just sitting there silently and awkwardly.
                          
I sighed, "I just remembered, I need to do something back in my room" I smiled awkwardly at the two of them and went to put my stuff back in the kitchen. Jase soon came in too, taking the chance to ask what happened with Negan. I told him everything and he smiled, "see? It went well" I nodded, while I was leaving I noticed that Zoe was waiting for Jase. I guess they were going to hang out for a bit? Maybe talk?
                          
I got my stuff from the garden and left for my room.