Chapter 15

                                    

                                          
Gabe's POV
                          
" sure" 
                          
I had to say I was surprised. We haven't talk in a month and I'm surprised she even smiled at me during dinner. 
                          
I had no clue they were coming. But I knew I had to talk to Ellie sooner or later. I finally had the balls to talk to her. 
                          
I've been preparing this for weeks now and I have to say I'm afraid. 
                          
Once we walk into my room, I close the door. I know there will be yelling and I'm not prepared for my mother or Ellie's to find out what happen. I know El to well to know she'd not tell her mom about everything. Her dad.. now that's a different story. 
                          
I walk over and sit on my bed. I pat next to me, she's hesitant but sits.
                          
I inhale and exhale taking a minute to collect myself. 
                          
" What's wrong with us?" I ask. That came  out wrong.
                          
" you did not just ask me that." 
                          
" why does high school ruin friendships and relationships?" 
                          
" I don't know." 
                          
" why is everything so fucked up?" 
                          
She stays silent.
                          
" What's wrong with you?" 
                          
Oh shit that sounds wrong to. 
                          
" Excuse me? I'm not the one who made my life hell over the years. I'm not the one  who lied to me all these years. I'm not the one who betrayed me. I'm not the one who told my bully since the 6th grade everything about me. I-I'm not the one who through our friendship down the drain. Gabe do you even know how much you killed me?" 
                          
I stayed silent.
                          
" You killed apart of me I'll never get back. And to be honest I don't think I do." 
                          
" do what?"
                          
" want it back. It's made me who I am today. I might not be the smartest, the kindest, prettiest, or the strongest. But I am stronger than I was before. I'm not perfect, and I hope you don't expect me to be. Im not expecting you to be. So, I shouldn't be so upset, and I don't know why I am. But this drove me over the edge. After his death I don't know what I was going to do. You were there for me and you'll never know how much I appreciate that. And I'm sorry if I did you wrong, I'm sorry for whatever made you do this. I know your probably like why you making such a big deal out of this. I don't know if it's the fact that you talked to Alison instead of me, or that you hid stuff from me and still are. Maybe it's the fact that she told everyone. I don't know! I'm sorry!!" she screams I'm sorry 
                          
She is sobbing. 
                          
I hate that I made her this way. I hate that I made her sad, the only thing I wanna see is her beautiful smile.
                          
Say something Gabe! Look what you've done!
                          
God, I'm such a fuck up!
                          
I think there's is more to the story than what happened. I think she's not only talk to me but she might be talk about...
                          
Her sniffles interrupt my thought. 
                          
I move toward her trying to wrap my arms around her. 
                          
" NO GABE! I-i-I.." 
                          
Grow a pair Gabe, say something! 
                          
" Ellie?" 
                          
She stayed silent.
                          
" what's going on?" I shake my head " no I mean.. I'm sorry. For all the fucked up things I did. I'm so sorry Ellie. You have know idea how much this past month killed me. To not talk to you, look at you, do stupid ass pranks, watch Finding Nemo, to pick on you.. Ellie you give me life and I know how you felt when I was in the hospital. I lost part of myself. A whole month part of myself was gone. Your my home El. And I love everything that has happened. I wouldn't change anything. I would change what I did. But aren't you proud of me for telling you? I'm sorry I couldn't keep it in any longer. I had to stop the bullying for you. I was worried and I'm sorry." 
                          
Her sobs haven't stopped. 
                          
" why'd you do it?" She asks barley a whisper 
                          
" what?"  
                          
" tell Alison." 
                          
" I didn't tell Alison anything I knew was between me and you. I didn't  tell Alison anything you said. It wasn't like that.." 
                          
" then what Gabe!" Her sudden outburst scared me. 
                          
" After Tyler left I-I had no one to talk to. I had you but no one for what I needed to talk about. So, I talked to her about you." 
                          
Her confused face clearly showed. 
                          
" your my best friend! I had feelings for you. Okay? "
                          
Had? No! 
                          
I have. 
                          
" i know it's  stupid to have a crush on your best friend but I did. And when I finally figured out that you were never going to like me. I just stopped." 
                          
" stopped what?" 
                          
" stopped talking to Alison. I never told her anything you said. She bullied you because I knew you'd never like me. And so once she did, you'd run to me. I know it was a fucked up thing to do. And I'm sorry! I truly am sorry!"
                          
Her sobs died down. She's calmer, but her breathing is still heavy. 
                          
" I'm not just sorry for that." I continue " I'm sorry for every fucked up thing I have done to you. Im sorry that I wasn't there when Elliot died, I should've been with you and your parents would have been with him. I'm so sorry." I sobbed 
                          
Elliot was my best friend before Ellie. He is the one who introduced me to her. He's the one who changed my life. He was the one who-who gave my love. 
                          
Ellie is my true love! I don't want anyone else. I don't want another love. She's my first and only. My Smelly Ellie is it for me. 
                          
" Gabe it's not your fault he died. You know whose fault it is. It was the drunk." She said 
                          
" you never done me wrong." I say remembering what she had said when she was talking. 
                          
" It's my fault." She cries once more 
                          
" Ellie no it is not! You can't help that Mother Nature gave you the flu. Blame her!!" She laughs 
                          
God, her laugh is beyond perfect.
                          
" She's the one who made it rainy that night.and you were not the one who was drinking and driving! None of this is your fault." 
                          
She nods. 
                          
" Smelly Ellie, I am so sorry!" I wrap my arms around her. 
                          
She doesn't decline. She tenses. But finally let's go. 
                          
I rock her back and forth. 
                          
How can someone be so special to me?
                          
As Ellie's breathing becomes steady, I exhale and inhale a breath. 
                          
Finally, having the guts to say what I mean, meant, and always will...
                          
" I love you." 
                          
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