Young And Menacing, Patrick's "Birthday", And Secrets

                                    

                                          
April 27, 2017
Dear Diary,
                          
Yes, I did listen to Young And Menacing. My reaction:
                          
eh
                          
Mediocre.
                          
What was all the hype about? Come on, was it really worth all that freaking out? I only liked one part, when they edited his voice. It reminded me of the pop singers I love. Plus, he didn't sound really deep and I don't like when his voice is deep.
                          
At 11:45, I was put in a group chat with Ciara, "Janelle", and this girl Evelyn (Ciara's friend). Ciara said to meet in the bathrooms near the library for a party. Knowing it was about Fallout Boys, I answered with "shut up." and muted the conversation.
                          
Also, when Ciara and Janelle told me it was Patrick Stamp's birthday I laughed and walked away. SERIOUSLY THAT JOKE GOT OLD
                          
SO SO LONG AGO
                          
Okay now I'm really gonna complain here. Diary, if you thought that was bad, hold on, it's coming.
                          
So the other day, this girl had winged eyeliner and red lipstick. And lemme tell you, it was NOT working for her. So I pointed her out to Ciara and said, "Omg that girl is sooo ugly! Look at her crappy makeup job!" Ciara looked super mad for a second. She took a deep breath and sighed. And guess what she said!
                          
She said, "Jessica stop being so damn judgemental and rude. Don't you dare freaking pick on some innocent girl that walked by you. I bet you're jealous of her. I think she's really pretty actually.'' 
                          
Now that didn't bother me too much because this is typical annoying Ciara. But it got me thinking. She said the girl was pretty. Did that mean she had a crush on her? Is she lesbian? I mean if a girl thinks another girl is pretty it clearly means they like girls, right?
                          
Not that I have anything against anyone in the LGBTQ  community. I believe you can love whoever the heck you want and shouldn't be judged for it at all. So if Ciara or any of my friends wasn't straight, I'd still like them the same way I do now.
                          
But I am still curious if she likes girls. So at lunch I went to her emo table and said I had a question for her. I asked quietly so nobody else could hear, "Do you like girls at all? Not that I have a problem with that, I'm just wondering.''
                          
She laughed and said, ask them, while pointing to her emo friends. I was embarrassed at that point and didn't say anything so she laughed again and said, "I'm like one of those flexi-rulers. From a distance, they look straight and sturdy. But once you get to know them, you realize wow they sure can bend!"
                          
And all her friends just starting laughing and laughing. At me! They thought it was funny that I didn't know! OBVIOUSLY they weren't laughing at her joke because it doesn't make any sense at all. How do a flexi-ruler and one's sexuality have anything to do with each other!?
                          
She noticed I was dumbfounded and she smiled warmly before saying, "Listen Jessica, honestly, I don't even know. I guess I would be put under the category of bisexual. Do you know what that means?''
                          
I told her yes, duh!
                          
She continued, "Yeah so I definitely like guys and now, I'm realizing I like girls too. I more care about what's inside and what a person is made of, not their gender. Does that make sense?''
                          
I nodded before asking, "So what gender do you like today?''
                          
Ciara looked like she was going to laugh but quickly got serious. She said, "Well, it's not really an every-other-day type of situation. I guess it's hard to explain. But listen, you gotta promise me you won't tell anybody. These five losers here are the only ones who know.''she said smiling as she pointed to her friends.
                          
I nodded and promised.
                          
''Okay but really though, Jessica. This is not gossip. My parents don't even know, I'm still trying to find a way to tell them. So don't tell a soul.''
                          
That's when I got offended.
                          
I promised again and walked away after reminding her it doesn't effect my opinion on her at all, which made her happy. But really, I'm hurt. She really thinks I'm going to tell people? How rude and inconsiderate! She doesn't trust me huh?
                          
Well let's see how much she trusts me when I dangle it over her head. A little blackmail never hurt nobody.
                          
After all, desperate times call for desperate measures. And desperate measures call for revenge.

                          
~~~~~~~~
YOUNG AND MENACE IS AMAZING, AND A WHOLE ALBUM, AND A TOUR, AND NEW MERCH I'M DYING
                          
Also I rewrote this chapter twice to make sure I wouldn't offend anyone, please tell me it was okay :/ No way I was gonna make Jessica be homophobic, I couldn't write from that point of view.
                          
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PATRICK I LOVE YOU