Chapter Three: Baby Steps

                                    

                                          
The darkness brought the cold. I could feel myself start to shiver but I didn't want to go inside. I wanted to be away from everyone. I wanted to be gone. Lost in my own little world of misery. Why did my parents hate me so much that they would leave me alone like this? I couldn't figure out what I had done so wrong. 
                          
"He stole a car and then wrecked it." 
                          
I jumped at the sound of her voice. How did she find me?
                          
"I come here too."She said sitting down beside me. "I think we all do."
                          
Great. I can't even hide right. 
                          
"I'd ask if you're okay but I know you're not."
                          
She laid her head on my shoulder and stared off at the night with me. I thought it would feel weird to sit like this but it was comforting.
                          
"Why are you here?" I finally asked. 
                          
"To find you."
                          
"I mean at the house."
                          
"Same reason as everybody else. Sometimes parents can't be parents so the kids get placed with people who can."
                          
"My mom died. And then my dad..." I stopped talking. I was starting to choke up. 
                          
"It get's easier." She said softly. "It's not going to feel good right away but it does get better. You just have to take baby steps."
                          
"Is Ann mad at me?" 
                          
"No. She's a little worried but we've all run off before. She's used to it."
                          
"How long have you been here?"
                          
"Almost three years."
                          
My stomach twisted into knots. I didn't want to be here that long. I wanted to go home. I could feel my lungs tightening again. Cece sat up and pulled something out of her pocket. She put it in her mouth and lit it taking a long drag. I've always hated the smell of cigarette smoke. But this smell different. 
                          
"Take a hit of this. You'll feel a lot better." She said handing me what looked like a home made cigarette. 
                          
"I don't smoke cigarettes."
                          
"It's weed. It's great for clearing your mind."
                          
Drugs. As if I didn't have enough problems in my life. 
                          
"It's natural. Native Americans have been growing, harvesting, and smoking it for thousands of years. It's better than all the anti-depressants doctors want to shove down everyone's throats." She said taking another hit then trying to hand it back to me. 
                          
"What does it do?"
                          
"It makes you feel weightless. Like nothing could hold you down."
                          
I still couldn't bring myself to take it from her.
                          
"I could shotgun it to you if you want. It's usually easier that way the first time."
                          
"What?"
                          
"Open your mouth."
                          
I suddenly felt like I was at the doctors. Open you mouth and say "aaahhh". I opened my mouth as far as I could and she just laughed. 
                          
"No just a little." She said. "Kind of like when you're whistling."
                          
I made the "O" shape with my mouth and she put the cherry of the weed cigarette in her mouth. The only thing I could concentrate on is whether or not she was going to burn her tongue. She was holding the cigarette between her teeth when she came closer to me. 
                          
"Now put your lips around the end." She tried to say. 
                          
I put my lips around the end of the cigarette. 
                          
"Closer."
                          
I moved closer. So close I felt like we were about to kiss. My heart was racing. This would have been the weirdest first kiss. 
                          
"Take a deep breathe." She said then began to blow. 
                          
I could fill the smoke engulfing my lungs. I couldn't stop myself from coughing. I pulled back back from her and almost hit the ground. 
                          
"Just give it a minute or two and you won't have a care left in the world." 
                          
I gave in to laying down. I felt like I would never stop coughing but I also didn't care. I felt too good to care. I could feel the tingle slowly creeping up on me.

                          
"Do you feel it?" She giggled as she asked. 
                          
"I don't feel anything." I smiled giving it all away. 
                          
"You want to go to the park?"
                          
"We're at the park."
                          
"I mean like play on the swings, or the slides, or climb the rock wall."
                          
"You want to play on the playground?"
                          
"Sometimes it's fun to be a kid again."
                          
"I thought we we're kids."
                          
"So then there's no reason not to play." She smiled a devious smile at me.
                          
I couldn't resist her charm. I knew she was bad for me I could feel it in my bones but I couldn't stop my heart from following her like a lost puppy dog. I knew she would be nothing but trouble. But in that moment I didn't care.
                          
I just wanted to be near her. Near the feeling that someone actually cared about me. 
                          
"Come on." She begged. "Trust me you'll have more fun than you ever had. I promise."
                          
That's all it took. We both stood and raced to the playground. Forgetting who we were, where we needed to be. Forgetting life itself as we tried to see who could run the fastest. She will never know but I slowed down so she could win. 
                          
"I won! I won!" She yelled before sticking out her tongue like a little kid. 
                          
I couldn't help but watch her as she ran around the playground yelling and laughing switching from one thing to another. 
                          
"Come on Aaron! Loosen up a little!" She yelled as she went flying down the tallest slide. 
                          
I ran over to the bottom of the slide and waited until she came out. 
                          
"Boo!" I said poking my head around the side. 
                          
She half laughed and half screamed as she took off down the hill to the pond. I went chasing after her. This time I didn't hold back. I caught up to her quickly and scooped her up over my shoulders. 
                          
"No!" She giggled. "Oh no somebody help me!" 
                          
I put her down just in front of the water. She smiled as I stared into her eyes. Her hair was a mess from running around like a crazy person but I didn't care. She was absolutely perfect. I put my hand on her cheek and watched her smile grow bigger. I leaned my head towards hers. I knew if I didn't kiss her now I would never get up enough courage. 
                          
Her eyes got really wide and then she looked over to her left. 
                          
"Run." Is all she said before taking off. 
                          
I stood there for a moment in shock. Did my breathe smell or something? Then I saw the light coming at me. 
                          
Cops.