118

                                    

                                          

                            

                                
                            
                              
                                  
                              
                              
                                
                                  
                                  
                                
                              
                             
                            
                            
                          
                          
                          

[Day 118]
                          
Hoseok watches as his cousin, Chan, dances smoothly across the dance floor. Hoseok smiles in pride, after all he was the one who would bring Chan along to his dance practices when he was younger and he feels a sense of satisfaction for being the one who got Chan into dancing. He just hopes that his cousin will live his dream unlike Hoseok.
                          
"Alright everyone! Let’s take a break for ten minutes. Lee! Your cousin is here!"
                          
Chan turns around in surprise and smiles when he sees Hoseok standing against the brick wall, he waves and jogs his way over, giving his cousin a side hug. Hoseok is grinning back and patting his shoulder, ruffling at Chan's black strands who shakes away and huffs in annoyance.
                          
"What's up? I haven't seen you around here lately. You know, since you met that Yoongi guy." Chan doesn't seem to be holding any resentment to Hoseok for not coming around much, in fact Chan says it in a more jokingly matter, yet Hoseok takes it seriously and frowns in guilt. Chan notices and quickly reassures Hoseok that it's fine... he thinks but he doesn't mention it to him.
                          
"Sorry about that either way. I promise we'll hang out soon, just you and me."
                          
Chan smirks, "No Jackson or Namjoon?"
                          
Hoseok smirks right back, "Nope, they'll probably be on dates either way."
                          
It falls silent and Chan sits down crossed leg on the cement floor, patting the rough ground to have Hoseok join him. 
                          
Hoseok sits down alongside him, pop music ringing about in the air and Hoseok with his knees pulled up to his chest. It reminds Chan of a lost child, and he's the younger one of the two.
                          
"I don't know what to do."
                          
Chan already knows what his cousin is talking about, it seems that now whenever he talks with his hyung all that leaves his mouth is Yoongi this and Yoongi that. 
                          
Chan doesn't find it bothersome right now because he realizes that Hoseok is looking lost, not knowing where he's going.
                          
After a beat of silence Chan says, "You should just ask him about it. Would save you a lot of trouble and adult angst." 
                          
Okay, maybe Chan isn't the best at giving advice since he's more straightforward, but this calls for desperate measures because he's never seen Hoseok look like that over a guy, not even for the last dude (who, in Chan's words, was annoying with the preaching bullshit emitting from his mouth all the goddamn time.)
                          
Hoseok stares at him, and if looks could kill Chan would probably be dead right about now. "What! I mean, it's true. What are you so afraid of Hobi-hyung? That he'll reject you or say something unexpected like he wants to stop seeing you? You won't know until you find out, because I'm pretty sure he's not going to stop sucking your dick anyti-"
                          
A hand slaps over his mouth and Chan squeaks indignantly at the owner of the hand, narrowing his eyes. "Who the fuck is teaching you all this stuff?! You know what, never mind, just forget it. And no, I'm not afraid of what Yoongi will say. I just don't want to mess this up, to shatter what we have."
                          
Chan's eyes soften a little at that and he muffles words through the hand over his lips, Hoseok looks confused and removes his hand when he notices it's because of him Chan couldn't speak (or breathe) well.
                          
"You're afraid you'll shatter your illusions with him Hobi-hyung."
                          
It's quiet this time, with Hoseok looking down at his hands and tracing patterns on the cement floor with his eyes. The instructor calls for his students to join him once again and Chan gets up from his spot reluctantly. 
                          
"You'll be fine hyung." And then Chan walks away to his friends, leaving back a Hoseok that wonders what is going on.
                          
A young man looks at him through the reflection of the mirror and throws him sympathetic glances, but Hoseok either ignores them or he just doesn't see them.
                          
[Later that day]
                          
It's quiet in the car, rain falling silently and leaving racing droplets against the car windows. 
                          
The radio is turned off, making the silence in the car sound louder and leaving Hoseok feel more nervous than he should be.
                          
He moves his sweaty fingers around the wheel and doesn't turn to look at Yoongi. 
                          
Yoongi keeps giving him concerned eyes and finally puts a pale hand around his own sweaty one that rests on the wheel.
                          
"You okay?"
                          
No, Hoseok wants to say, but instead he smiles shakily and nods his head. Yoongi doesn't look convinced and forces Hoseok's chin to look at him. 
                          
The sudden movement makes Hoseok freeze and he swerves to an empty lane in the road, breathing at little too fast as he looks into deep and sparkling brown eyes.
                          
"You sure?"
                          
Hoseok is just about to nod again and pretend everything is okay, but he's kind of sick and tired of pretending so he clenches his teeth and looks at Yoongi straight to the eye. "Yoongi, I need to ask you something."
                          
Yoongi nods confusedly and waits for what Hoseok is going to say. Hoseok, being the over dramatic he is, breathes in deeply and takes Yoongi's hand.
                          
"What are we?"
                          
Yoongi smiles and shrugs, "I'm not sure, but does it matter? I mean, we're both happy right? I am."
                          
Hoseok smiles and nods, "Of course I'm happy with you, it's... it's been great."
                          
Yoongi kisses his cheek and nods at him, "Then we're fine."
                          
But, that's not what Hoseok wanted to hear. "But-"
                          
"What's on the radio tonight?"
                          
Hoseok sighs and turns away, letting the music play through his car. He's never heard the song before, but Yoongi seems to love it. 
                          
He watches Yoongi hum to the song, as he whispers the lyrics and moves his pale fingers to the beat of the music. 
                          
It's a moment of serenity, one in which Hoseok looks at the gummy smile, at Yoongi's sharp jawline, and the way his neck shines in its pallor beauty. Hoseok knows that he won't ruin this moment and he lets his questions pass.
                          
Perhaps that's what-
                          
The car drove into the darkness of the street, with one man driving and the other singing.