(Chapter 30) Worse than Death

                                    

                                          
Minho 
                          
It's been about a month since we last tried to escape the maze. A month since Tamara was dragged away. A month since I've smiled. It was absolute torture not knowing what happened to her. I still remember what she looked like when she was dragged away. Her face contorted with pain, her arms scratched and bleeding, her terrified expression as the griever turned the corner, her hands helplessly groping the gravel for anything to help her stay alive. Every night that face showed up in my dreams, but in a different scenario each time, resulting in me screaming myself awake. Every time I would wake up, I'd write on a piece of paper my dream. Maybe someday it could try and tell me something about where she is.
                          
Nothing here is the same without her. The food no longer seems special, the gladers don't smile as much, or hardly at all anymore. Tamara was one of the only bright spots in this glade nightmare, but now she's gone. I keep asking myself why II cant just get over her and move on, and the truth is I don't know. There was just something about her that I'm not ready to let go. I'm not sure I ever will be ready.
                          
I've been running the maze all day every day, searching for her, desperate to find anything that could give me a hint of what happened to her. I've been trying to stay positive during this past month, but I can't help but wonder if this is all useless. She might already be dead. There's a very slim chance she's alive. What are the odds that Tamara would be alive with fatal wounds for a month? But there's also a slim chance that she is alive, and I don't want to just give up on her when I know for sure she would never ever give up on me.
                          
I looked down at the food in front of me. A sandwich with tomato, lettuce, and chicken. It wasn't bad, it's just that it wasn't great. It wasn't made by her.
                          
Newt looked up from his breakfast seeing me emotionlessly poke at my sandwich. "Dude, I hate to say this, but it has been a month. I think shes-"
                          
"No," I interrupt. "I refuse to give up until I physically see her dead body," I deadpan taking another bite of the sandwich. 
                          
"I just think you'll save yourself a lot of pain if you accept the possibility that Tamara could be dead." 
                          
"I am aware of that possibility, but I refuse to give up on her. What if she is still alive out there, cold and in pain, hoping that I'll get there soon and save her, and I just gave up on her. I can't. I can't do that to her." 
                          
"Alright, Minho." Newt sighed, defeated. "If you want, I can go out and look with you today." He offered. 
                          
"Well I'm going now, you can come if you want to," I said pushing my chair back and stuffing the rest of my sandwich in my mouth before walking towards the maze. I could hear Newts footsteps following me as I entered the maze. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly before I started running through the maze with Newt praying to whatever god there was that I would find something. 
                          
6 hours later we ran out of the maze, exhausted and with even less hope than when we started. Just like every other day, nothing was found. 
                          
"If she's alive, we will find something someday soon," Newt said patting my shoulder. I was about to head up to my room and lay on my bed in defeat when a familiar siren sounds, almost loud enough to break my eardrums. 
                          
Newt turns towards me, eyebrows knit in confusion. "But they were just here two weeks ago." 
                          
We both ran towards the incoming box along with a whole bunch of confused gladers. I saw Alby running towards the box with Chuck, and I jogged towards them. "Do you know whats going on?" I ask
                          
"No, but if they're early I don't think its just supplies." 
                          
We all waited for the box in anticipation. Chuck reached out to grasp my hand. He always got a little spooked at the noise of the box coming up. Chuck and I sorta connected over the last few weeks. He was just as sad as I was about Tamara's disappearance, and honestly, he kinda reminded me of her in the humor sense. When Tamara was taken, Chuck relied on Minho for everything, and he didn't mind at all. It was something to keep his mind off of Tamara.
                          
The box finally came up and Gally, per usual, jumped down to retrieve whatever was in there. He looked up at us in confusion, holding up a box. "Its just a bunch of pills! Do they think we're sick or something?" 
                          
"Is there anything else? Is it just the pills?" Alby asked. 
                          
"No, wait there's a note." He reached down to pick up a piece of paper. "Take these"
                          
"Ok but what if we don't?" Chuck asks. 
                          
"Do we really want to find out what is going to happen if we don't do as they say?" Newt points out. 
                          
"Ok everyone, gather at the dining hall. Frypan, prepare some water for all of us please." Alby ordered
                          
"I can't believe we're gonna just pop these pills without knowing what they are. They could kill us." Frypan shook his head walking to the kitchen.
                          
"But if we don't take them, those people could kill us." Alby added. 
                          
"I guess," he sighed, preparing all the water. 
                          
"Ok gladers, on the count of three, we're all going to pop these shucking pills and hope we dont die. Good that?" Alby announced




                          
"Good that" We all repeated reluctantly. 
                          
He looked around at everyone before counting. "1..."
                          
Chuck's hands started shaking beside me. 
                          
"2..."
                          
"Minho I don't wanna die." He quivered. I put a hand on his shoulder trying to comfort him the best I could. Honestly, I don't care if I die. Maybe then I'd be with Tamara. 
                          
"3," 
                          
We all simultaneously popped the pills in our mouth and watered it down. We all stood there in silence, waiting for something to happen. A mutation, a death, anything.  A few minutes passed and nothing happened.  
                          
"Huh. Well, the good news is nothing has happened yet, but we'll see what happens in the morning. Get a good rest tonight everyone."



                          
                                                                                 *       *       * 

                          
I woke up in cold sweat. What a dream. I sat there a minute trying to recall the dream. I groan realizing I forgot already, even though I just woke up. How could I forget a dream I just had? I lay down frustrated trying to think of what my dream was about, but alas, nothing. I look to my side and pick up my dream journal, just to read my past dreams for fun. Read any dream I may have forgotten. 
                          
I open up the dream journal and see that they all have one thing in common. This girl named Tamara. Which confuses me because I don't remember ever dreaming about a Tamara. I don't even know a Tamara. Or any girl. Truth is, I haven't seen any girl besides my mother, and I barely remember her. 
                          
I scratch the back of my neck and sit up. "strange," 
                          
Breakfast comes along and I grab my breakfast, then sit down with Newt, Alby, and Chuck. "Hey guys, I have been having the strangest dreams about this girl named Tamara."
                          
They look at me confused. "Who's Tamara?" 

                          
IM BAAACK WITH ANOTHER UPDATE! FINALLY! One more chapter after this, so get ready