Chapter Fourteen

                                    

                                          
WARNING THIS CHAPTER SHOWS VERY EXPLICIT DEPICTIONS A PANIC ATTACK. DO NOT READ IF EASILY TRIGGERED. 
                          
Percy
                          
"So how has it been these last few months?" Mr. Rogers asked. 
                          
Percy looked at his shoes and shrugged. "Pretty nice, I guess."
                          
Rogers scribbled something down. "Have you and Leo been getting along well?" 
                          
"Yes," Percy sighed, wishing he was with the boisterous Latino right that second. "Pretty well. He's a cool guy."
                          
"Would you like to tell me about some of the things that the two of you have done together these last few months. Although I've seen you once a week, we haven't gotten around to Leo, and lately you've seemed preoccupied."
                          
Percy's mind flashed to a few weeks ago, at night on that bridge. He remembered Leo grabbing his face, and almost desperately pushing their lips together. He remembered how his chest caught. He remembered sparks. He remembered the words that came afterwards, and the pang he felt in his chest. "I found out that I liked him, a lot. And this one time we kissed." he admitted. He looked at the ground. 
                          
"Oh dear, that is not what I had intended."
                          
"No, how could you think that any of this would end well?" Percy snapped. 
                          
"Well, Percy, I was assuming that I could-"
                          
"WELL IT BROKE MY DAMN HEART!" Percy jumped up and yelled. All of his anger was directed at this man. He couldn't be mad at Leo, even if he was for a few days. He tried not to be because Leo wasn't doing anything. He just couldn't be with him. But this Doctor. Who started it all in the first place... This was all his fault. 
                          
The sad thing was that he knew it wasn't, but he was so angry that he had no idea how else to fix it. He needed to be angry at someone, and it felt so good to finally be mad. So he yelled. "This is your fault! I would have never fallen in love with him if it wasn't for you and your shitty way of trying to make us happy. Because you did this to me. And now it hurts." 
                          
"Percy, please calm down." Mr. Rogers said, obviously trying to stay calm himself. "This was not my ambition."
                          
"But I love him so much. And it just hurts so bad!" tears fell without Percy's consent and for a moment, he just sat there, sniffling, sobbing, unwilling to do anything. In the span of the month that it took for he and Leo to have that normal comfortable-ness that he had with the other boy, he didn't want to do anything. His phone activity had backed up a lot. It was still at 76% and normally around this time, it was about twenty. 
                          
He just wanted to kiss him again, and be with him. Why is that so hard? "This sucks so bad,and i don't know what to do!"
                          
The therapist let him angrily cry for a while. Which was different, because normally whenever he's crying their goal is to make him stop. Maybe it was because he knew that Percy needed to cry. Maybe it was just that. 
                          
Maybe it just fucking hurts and he has no idea what to do about it. 
                          
"Percy, I had no intention of this happening."
                          
He knew that. He knew that stupid doctor Rogers didn't mean for any of this to happen, but it happened anyways. "I know, and I'll get over it eventually."
                          
--
                          
Leo sat on Percy's bed, turning his shoulders as he played some stupid video game. It had been about a month since they both admitted their feelings, and they supposedly gotten passed it, and stay friends. 
                          
Or that's what it looked like. But no. The truth was that Percy was devastatingly in love with Leo Valdez, and it was tearing him apart. 
                          
Percy went to the bathroom. Because he was on the verge of a mental breakdown, and Leo was in his room. It was getting to be too much. Too much, too much, too much. 
                          
He couldn't breathe. But he could. It was too much. "Calm down." he whispered, sitting on the tiles of the bathroom floor. "Calm down." but he couldn't, and he was wheezing. Last time this happened it wasn't so sudden. 
                          
He was standing up again, when did that happen? When did he start standing? Was he pacing? Yes. Everything was skipping, like when the TV cuts out, and takes away part of your show. He was breathing so hard and he didn't know what was happening. He placed his head in his hands and sobbed. 
                          
He needed this to stop, he really did. Leo was a room away, and he couldn't see Percy like this. He wouldn't allow it. 
                          
"Its okay, its okay." Percy whispered. "You're okay." after a few million more times of saying this he stopped breathing so hard. He looked at his hands, still shaky. 
                          
So as soon as it had started, it ended. He was sitting on the floor. He pressed his head to the ground. Cold tiles. A little dirty.
                          
"Uh. Percy? You okay?" 
                          
It was Leo. Outside the door, where he couldn't see Percy having such a bad attack. "Yeah, I'm good. Just trying to find something." he shook himself, and looked around the bathroom to see if he could find something, anything that made it seem less like he was lying. He opened the cabinets. A razor, toothbrush, pills, etc. He could just say he was looking for tylonel. 
                          
He walked out. "My bad, I started getting a headache, and I needed some tylonel."
                          
Leo laughed. He then took Percy's hand, and took him to Percy's room. "I love your house so much."
                          
Percy was still out of breath. He felt like he was sweating, but there was nothing on his skin. "Oh yeah, me too."
                          
"Except Gabe. I'm so fucking glad he's normally out with his druggie friends, though."
                          
Percy lifted his head a small bit, able to breathe just a bit better. "Yeah."
                          
"You sure you're okay?" Leo had turned and looked at him. 
                          
Suddenly everything was just shitty and bad, and fucking-
                          
Before he could finish his thought process, before he could think about what he was doing. He had kissed Leo Valdez. 
                          
At first he started to pull away, and want to apologize, but Leo took his face, and kissed him back, making Percy's head lean down the tiniest bit so he didn't have to stand on his toes. 
                          
Percy directed his hand on the small of his waist, and breathed in his chocolate, sawdust scent. His lips tasted like cigarettes and the cookies his mom made earlier. It was somehow all the best combinations. Leo tangled his fingers in Percy's hair, messing it up, and he didn't even care. He couldn't even think about any of that. Percy tilted his head, and kissed him better. Leo pulled back for air, panting and breathing hard. So Percy kissed his neck, not quite sure what he was doing, but he needed Leo Valdez. 
                          
"Percy, wait." Leo pushed him back. 
                          
Percy realized his mistake. Leo was pushed against the wall, his face red, and his hair a mess. God, he was beautiful. "Oh crap. I'm sorry." 
                          
Leo took a steady breath. "Its okay, just sit down."
                          
Percy felt like he was going to get the lecture of a lifetime. 
                          
SORRY THIS IS A CRAPPY CHAPTER.