Chapter 13

                                    

                                          
            
                          
My head was pounding. As I became conscious, my senses slowly started to fade in. The first thing I felt was heaviness, my body felt like it was sinking into the bed. The next sound I heard was beeping, as if I was in a hospital. 
                          
Then everything came back to me. My heart started beating to the point where it felt like I could hear it. My chest constricted as I forced them close again at the feeling of burning white light.
                          
"Sir calm down please." A lady said from beside me as she touched my shoulder.
                          
The feel of her hand on me only made me panic even more as I started to relive it all over again.
                          
I heard a voice yell. "Somebody sedate him."
                          
And then I was unconscious again.
                          
This time I was calm. I knew I was in the hospital, I knew that I had no reason to freak out but I couldn't help the nervous feeling in my stomach. I slowly opened my eyes, trying to get them to adjust to the bright lights of the hospital room. 
                          
It was unnervingly white. That kind of white that got mistaken for brightness instead of color. I adjusted myself so that I was sitting up against the pillows, my ribs aching as I did so. I almost forgot about the broken bones I sustained.
                          
"You probably shouldn't be sitting up like that." A voice whispered from beside me.
                          
I didn't even notice there was someone else in the room. Jackson gave me a small tired smile as he leaned forward in his chair. He looked like he hadn't slept in days. He had dark circles and his face was a little sunken in as if he had been sunken in worry.
                          
I cleared my throat but that didn't keep away the raspy tone of my voice," Why do you look like shit?"
                          
"Because you look like shit after you've went weeks worrying about someone." He told me chuckling humorlessly. 
                          
I only shrugged in response looking away from him when a sore ache started in my lower half. My hands clenched. 
                          
"What did they do to you?"
                          
The question hung in the air. I didn't want to answer. It was bad enough to know what happened but to admit the things done to me in captivity was another. You could call it my way of holding on to what pride or dignity I had left but the truth was I felt like a coward. I wasn't as strong as I wanted to be....as I thought I was.  I was embarrassed and ashamed. 
                          
"Yeah tell us what they did to you." Matteo walked in looking pissed alongside our father," Tell him what those basta-"
                          
Christo silenced him," Enough Matteo. It's clear to everyone that you're angry but whether or not you get to know is your brother's choice. He only just woke up give him time to process everything before you angrily ask him questions."
                          
"Yes father." Matteo sighed coming close to me," Tell me you're okay at least."
                          
I looked away from him," Yeah I'm fine."
                          
"You're not. You only look away from me when you're lying." Matteo told me coming even closer," What hap-"
                          
"Enough Matteo!" Christo yelled making the room fall silent," Both of you leave. I need to have a talk with Montero."
                          
Matteo stormed out the room slamming the door making the sound echo through the room. Jackson on the other hand stood up and gave me a soft smile. He kissed my cheek before he nodded at Christo and left the room. I just watched him walk away before turning my attention to my father who leaned against the front of my bed. The minute Jackson was out the room his demeanor changed.
                          
"You don't need to tell me what happened I already know," he whispered brokenly. "You're my son and I know you. I know the signs."
                          
I gulped looking away from him. 
                          
"They ra-"
                          
"You don't need to tell me as if I wasn't the one who endured it. I know. I know what they did to me and every detail has been ingrained in my brain." I cut him off.
                          
He sighed," I know nothing I do can make it better and that in time you'll heal but tell me my son, is there anything I can do to maybe make things even slightly better."
                          
"Tell me how to forget. Tell me how to make it go away. You've taught me how to deal with everything else but not anything like this. Help me make it go away." I pleaded with him feeling my body shake as tears started to run down my face.
                          
Christo sighed. He came up next to me and gently put his arms around me just holding me as I cried for the second time in a long time. 
                          
"How about I tell you a story?" he asked me quietly.
                          
I nodded not feeling like talking. My head rested on his shoulder while he started to tell the story.
                          
"Once upon a time there was a boy, he was around ten years old and he lived with his parents and older cousin. His father was a drunk, the aggressive kind and he would beat the living shit off of the boy while the mother.....well all she could really do was watch. She herself was taking daily beatings but at night, for the boy thought he had peace. Then one night on his eleventh birthday his cousin, the only one in the house he thought would never hurt him, hurt him in a deeper way than anyone else could ever."
                          
He looked me in the eye as he said this and I understood what he was trying to say. 
                          
"For a while after the incident, the boy held anger in his heart. He did things he wouldn't be proud of later but in the moment they helped him get through it. He stayed that way until he met the love of his life. She was beautiful. Her hair was long and black, she had these beautiful grey eyes. She was very headstrong, funny, and most importantly understanding. In meeting her, he learned how to let himself heal," He paused and smiled at me," Love heals all wounds Tero. In time you will find someone who makes everything you've went through seem miniscule. Well actually....never mind I'll let you figure it out."
                          
I frowned looking at him questioningly," Let me figure what out?"
                          
"You'll see." He smirked at me and before I could say something else Jackson knocked on the door peeking his head through.  
                          
He looked between the two of us," Can I come in....or are you guys still talking?"
                          
"You can come in," my father chuckled. I still didn't understand what he found funny. 
                          
As Jackson walked in my father walked out. Before he left he winked at me and shut the door behind himself. 
                          
I watched as Jackson came up next to. He sat next to me and I couldn't help but scoot away from him a little. He frowned but otherwise didn't say anything. Slowly, his hand reached for mine and I held my breath. I watched his fingers inch closer to mine before I felt the warmth of them next to my hand. I felt myself start to shake but I willed myself to calm down letting out a shaky breath as his fingers entwined with mine.
                          
His hand squeezed mine lightly making me sigh in relief. When he held my hand, surprisingly I felt safe. He slowly pulled me closer to him so that I was laying in his arms and the entire time my heart was racing. I was trying to calm myself down again since I knew he could hear the heart monitor going crazy but I couldn't help it. At first I laid stiffly against him starting to hyperventilate, and then he kissed me. My whole body relaxed into him. It was like my body knew he was safe before my mind did. Our lips moved in sync and the familiarity kept me grounded. I pulled away from the kiss, burying my face in his chest while ignoring the slight pain in my ribs.
                          
I started feeling myself get tired. In the few seconds before I feel asleep I could have sworn I heard a whispered I missed you. I drifted into unconsciously with one thought in mind. I missed you too.