The Bad Boy Begins

                                    

                                          
He wouldn't do this. Not to me.
                          
Even if it were about Julian, even if he did see me that night at the party, I had to believe he would never do something like this to me. Not Blake, my Blake. he was always so kind. I hadn't trusted him at first. It was hard to. But eventually I gave in.
                          
I shouldn't have.
                          
I stared him down in the hallway as first bell rang, signalling the beginning of class. I'd debated not coming in today. But Dad had always taught me to face my fears. I stood straight, my chin up. I was terrified. But I didn't move. And neither did anyone else. They all stood frozen in their spots, their eyes on me and Blake.
                          
"Well, look who it is."
                          
I met his cold gaze. "Why?" I asked, simply.
                          
"Because I can. I told you I would get you back, and I did."
                          
I shook my head, refusing to believe him. "But you said-"
                          
"Forget what I said. You've always been a freak, El. Nothing changed this year. We were just sick of the usual pranks. I thought, 'Why do the same thing to Ellie Sparks every year? Why trip her, when we can do something much more fun?' Why not... give her her very first kiss?"
                          
My cheeks turned red as everyone around started to laugh. Blake feigned surprise.
                          
"You didn't think it was real, did you?"
                          
I wanted to turn around and run. I wanted to leave and never show my face again. He was right. They were all right. I was worthless. I was gullible enough to believe I was worth something, and I was wrong.
                          
"You're an asshole."
                          
"And you're pathetic."
                          
The late bell started to ring, and students began walking to class. Blake turned, heading down the hallway. I watched as everyone returned to their normal lives, leaving me broken in the middle of the hall. I watched as Blake walked away with a smile on his face.
                          
Before I knew what I was doing, I was following him down the hall, running to catch up with his stride.
                          
"Wait," I called out, and I watched as he stopped. He turned back to face me, a raised eyebrow questioning me. I dared to come closer. I'd been this close to him before, even closer. I'd been in his arms. But this time it was different. 
                          
"You did this because you saw me, didn't you?" I asked, quietly so as to only let him hear. "You did this to cover up for yourself."
                          
He was quiet. I waited for him to say something, but he didn't.
                          
"You don't have to hurt people. You don't have to assume that they think the worst of you," I murmured. Then, even more quietly, I continued, "I wouldn't have told anybody."
                          
Blake's gaze hardened, he pulled back, widening the space between us. 
                          
"I have no idea what you're talking about," He said.
                          
"Okay. But just tell me, because I need to know. Was any of it... real?  With me?"
                          
Blake looked at me, and for a moment I thought I saw something in his eyes. A moment of vulnerability. But then he narrowed his eyes, and I knew it was gone.
                          
"No. You're not worth real."
                          
***
                          
"He's a piece of shit."
                          
Sydney sat next to me on the bathroom floor as I relayed the news to her. I didn't have to do much explaining, as she'd already seen the Instagram posts. I left out the part about Julian.
                          
" You deserve so much better than Blake. He... you.. he's not... god, I don't know how to say this." 

                          
She turned to me, collecting her thoughts. Then she grabbed my hand.
                          
"Your worth isn't determined by what that dickhead thinks of you. It's not determined by your relationship status, or your popularity. You're an amazing friend. You found me when I was at my worst, and you pulled me back together and forced me to find happiness. You're a great sister to Jackie, who hardly deserves the tough love you give her. And... You're stronger than anyone I know.  It's like your confidence and bravery seeps into everyone around you. Like just by hanging out with you I become a better person. You are so perfect, and if Blake can't see that then screw him. He's just a bump in the road on the way to finding your Romeo. So don't you shed a single tear over him, ok? Because he doesn't deserve it."
                          
I nodded, pulling Sydney to me and hugging her tightly. She was right. She was always right.
                          
"Thank you," I breathed. I held her tightly, wishing I could live in this moment, with her, forever. I didn't want to have to leave this bathroom. I didn't want to have to do... life.
                          
And idea came to my mind, and I pulled away.
                          
"Thank you so much. But right now I just need to get out of here, okay? There's something I need to do. Can you just...  if my parents call, tell them I'm at your place or something. Please. "
                          
Sydney pulled at my arm. "But Ellie, what about school, and-"
                          
" I just.. I have to go, Okay?" My voice broke as I spoke the words to her.
                          
Then I ran out of the room.
                          
***
                          
As I started up the car tears formed in my eyes. As I pulled out of the parking lot, they began to stream down my face. By the time I got to the road, I was sobbing, crying so hard I couldn't breathe. I left everything. It was over.
                          
There are three reactions to getting hurt.
                          
You either fight, freeze, or flee.
                          
I realized what I was doing. I was fleeing. I was running from my problems and hoping they wouldn't catch up.
                          
Sydney's words echoed in my head. Brave. Courage. Confident.
                          
That's what she thought of me. She saw everything in me that I didn't. I wished I could see myself through her eyes and be that person. But I wasn't. I needed to find the girl that she was talking about.
                          
And I needed to get the hell out of that school.
                          


                          


                          


                          


                          
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