dix-huit

                                    

                                          
He ran away.
He just kissed me and ran away.
I was still standing on the roof, my lips tingling and my heart beating really fast.
He left me alone.
I went back to the bench and sat down.
I couldn't realize the things that just happened in that short time.
                          
It wasn't my first kiss, Minah and I had a lot of kisses, but it was so different. 
                          
Was ist because he is a boy?
But I never liked boys.
                          
I sighed. 
                          
If I'd be him, I would also run away.
                          
I closed my eyes and remembered the kiss again.
                          
It felt so peaceful, but also powerful. 
                          
I should go to bed. Tomorrow I have a therapy session with Dr. Nam. 
                          
I went down the stairs and tried to be as quiet and fast as possible. 
                          
"I'm sorry", somebody said und I tried not to scream.
                          
I turned around and saw Junhui standing in front of his door.
                          
"You scared me", I said, but he already closed the door and was gone.
                          
|
                          
"You look nervous", Dr. Nam said, after we were sitting in silence for 15 minutes.
                          
"I do?", I said and tried to act innocent. 
                          
"Yes. Is everything okay? Is Junhui or anybody else hurting you or anything?", she asked me.
                          
"What? No, no. Everything is fine with him. I...I think I realized that I have that ana thing", I sad and tried to sound confident.
                          
"You didn't", she said and damn it she was right. 
                          
"I am trying to", I told her.
                          
"You do", she said.
                          
"Is this all you are saying today, Dr. Nam", I asked with irony and we both laughed.
                          
"I'm sorry"
                          
I held back my breath.
                          
I'm sorry.
                          
This is what Junhui said to me. I didn't really think about what he really meant.
                          
Was he sorry, because if the kiss?
                          
Or because he ran away?
                          
"Minghao?", Dr. Nam said with a confused look on her face.
                          
"Hm? Oh, sorry. I was just thinking of something else"
                          
Before she could asked me what I was thinking about, the words came out of my mouth.
                          
"Junhui kissed me and ran away and later he just said that he's sorry, but I don't know for what he's sorry for"
                          
Dr. Nam's mouth opened for a second.
                          
She was shocked, of me being this honest to her.
                          
"I can understand his actions. He never wanted to admit that he likes you, but it was very obvious. He is really scared of hurting you, since he has this 'aggresive image'. Maybe he thought that you didn't want to kiss him. Did you enjoy it?", she said and smiled, after seeing me blush.
                          
"Looks like you did", she said and her smile got brighter, after I nodded. 
                          
"But I don't know if I like him, yet", I told her.
                          
"That's totally okay. Think about it, try talking with him or come to me of you have any struggles", she said.
                          
"That's really nice Dr. Nam", I said.
                          
"Well, that's what I am here for and now go and eat you lunch"
                          
Junhui and Soonyoung were greeting me with a small smile. 
                          
"Hey", I said. "Were is Chan?"
                          
"He's gone for the weekend. Visiting his brothes graduation", Soonyoung told me.
                          
"Cute", Junhui and I said at the same time.
                          
"Is our lovey dovey couple talking at the same time now?", Mingyu's voice appeared behind me.
                          
"Shut up", Junhui said.
                          
"He still hates me for no reason", Mingyu chuckled.
                          
"You also hate me, idiot", Junhui spat back.
                          
"Yeah, but I do have a reason. You know it", he said and for the next seconds the was complete silence and the two boys were staring at each other, ready to fight.
                          
"Guys, stop that kindergarden stuff and sit down", Soonyoung whined.
                          
Mingyu and Wonwoo, who was standing next to him, looking to floor and being quiet, sat down next to me.
                          
Junhui was eating his pudding. 
                          
Soonyoung was eating his pudding.
                          
Even Wonwoo was eating one.
                          
Do it Minghao.
                          
Do it.
                          
Start with the thing, that stopped you from everything.
                          
Start with the thing, that brought you here. 
                          
"Uhm, Junhui. Can...can I try the pudding?", I whispered, but it was loud enough for everyone on this table to hear it. 
                          
All eyes were on me and Soonyoung tried to hide his coughs.
                          
"Uh, sure. Sure you can", Junhui told me and a small smile was appearing on his face.
                          
"Is this enough?", he asked me and and nodded.
                          
He was bringing the spoon to my mouth.
                          
"You don't have to feed me, Junh-"
                          
"But I want to"
                          
I opened my mouth and a sweet desert was on my tongue.
                          
It had a very weird consistence and the cocoa flavour was so strong.
                          
But the taste was great.
                          
This entire thing would have 212 calories. That's a lot.
                          
But it's worth it. 
                          
"How does it taste?", Mingyu asked me.
                          
"Try it", I said.
                          
"Hell no", he shook his head.
                          
But Wonwoo already had a spoon full with pudding in his hand.
                          
"Try it", he repeated me. "Just this spoon. For me and for yourself of course"
                          
He did what Wonwoo told him to do and after keeping it in his mouth for some seconds, he smiled looking at me at first. 
                          
After that he looked at Wonwoo and smiled again and Wonwoo smiled back. 

                          
I know, I know.
                          
I didn't update for 1 entire month and I am really, really sorry:(
                          
I will really try to do it regularly, but I can't promise anything. 
                          
I had a break for one week and I started to get some crazy ideas for this story so stay tuned!!
                          
See you,
                          
Mel//