you're my pride and joy

                                    

                                          
song: johnny boy
                          
he stays home from work this time
he never really told his wife
he never really told a lie
but this time he decides that it's alright
it's alright
no one really knows his mind
and no one knows behind his eyes
the man deserves a medal
but he's never really won a prize before
he goes to lock the door
                          
trigger warnings// homophobic slurs, panic attacks
                          
--::--
                          
It's different. It's different knowing that I'm married. Im supposed to be loyal to my wife, I'm supposed to go to church every Sunday willingly. I'm supposed to sing along and raise my hand with every strong word the pastor said. But, half the time, I don't agree with what he says. And honestly, church scared me.
                          
The bible even says to not fall in love with a man or sleep with a man. The bible says that's blasphemous and a man should be with a woman.
                          
Why does religion have to be so stupid?
                          
..
                          
Sweat glistened on our skin, it's own layer on top of the others. The moon shown through the papery blinds, making the room surrounding us glimmer with a silver glow. Heavy rain pattered on the windows, some shocks of thunder sounding out every so often. My veins felt electrocuted with adrenaline and everything that feels good. The atmosphere felt thick, but in a good way. In a way that resulted in something more pleasurable than toxic.
                          
I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around my lower back, pulling me close to the heated skin. My eyelids dropped shut on their own accord as I pressured my face in his chest. Gentle thumbs massaged the stiffness in my lower back as I breathed softly against the softness of his flesh.
                          
"You okay?" A deep voice, layered with concern broke the silence in the warm room. "Are you in any pain?"
                          
"M'okay.. Thank you for the concern, Josh." I kept my face against his chest. "Just tired is all."
                          
He hummed in response as he pulled the blankets farther around us, his arms wrapping around my body once again. The weight of his head on mine made me sigh softly in content. My brain felt fuzzy and my eyelids heavy. It was a nice feeling.
                          
"What are you going to do tomorrow? You'll have to go back to Jenna at some point, Ty." Dread made my heart drop at that realization, but I tried my best to push it to the back of my head. My focus was more on right now then it was on later.
                          
"I know... But as far as she knows I'm at a hotel right now because of the storm." I inhaled his scent shakily, the smell making me relax slightly. "I don't wanna go. Cant I stay with you?"
                          
The man beside me chuckled. "I wish. I really do. But, that's sadly not how it works." His fingers ran up the back of my head reassuringly. "Anyway, I'm always here if you need somebody to talk to."
                          
Those words made my heart ache. "I love you." I murmured.
                          
He moved his hand down to my jaw, lifting my face up to look at him. His gentle brown eyes looked at me with adoration and warmth. "I love you too." His lips found mine, the kiss being soft, comforting. Safe. It made me feel like melting.
                          
This felt right. Being with him felt right. I just wished I figured that out sooner.
                          
..
                          
The door closed behind me with a slam as I stepped inside my house, breathing out through my nose heavily. Shuffled footsteps sliding over the hardwood floor caught my attention as Jenna walked over, her smile big. "Hey Ty! How was the hotel?"