094 | plutonium

                                    

                                          
× Horan

                          


                          
I had almost forgotten what heartbreak felt like.
                          
I already went through that horrible stretch of time where I thought that things would never be okay again. I already relished in the depths of self-pity and engaged in the necessary six-month period of crying over Adele songs in the shower. My first heartbreak knocked the wind out of me, but then a miracle happened - I recovered. Kind of. I learned my lesson, anyways.
                          
But it wasn't supposed to happen a second time. I was so careful for the past five years. I thought of all the days and nights I spent promising myself not to ever feel heartbroken or be that vulnerable again as I slept with girl after girl.
                          
Then I found myself willingly walking through the fire once more, burning with every step I took. The second time around should have protected my emotional immune system, but there was no denying the hollow feeling in my chest as I stared at the wooden door in front of me.
                          
I pulled out my phone and quickly found the contact I was looking for and pressed call. As I tugged my shoes on, the phone rang in my ear.
                          
"What's up, Horan?" Jace asked through the receiver.
                          
After putting on my button down and jacket, I marched down the hall and passed the elevator, the adrenaline pumping through my blood wasn't going to allow me to stand still and wait.
                          
"You ruined my life," I snapped, bounding down the steps. "Now I'm left with nothing."
                          
"Whoa, hold on a second," Jace said. "What are you talking about?"
                          
Pushing past a group of girls chatting in the middle of the foyer, I left the Aspen house. "I fucking told Lynn that I love her," I explained. "I took your advice and it all went to shit. This is all your fault, you never should have told me to do that!"
                          
"You told her you loved her? Holy shit," he said. "Look, I'm sorry it didn't go the way you wanted it to, but I didn't force you to tell her. It was advice, Niall."
                          
"Nononono," I snapped. A guy outside leaning against the building smoking looked at me oddly. I glared at him and he instantly looked away. "You don't get to substantiate this, Layton. You said, and I quote, 'you need to tell her you love her'. We were fine until you got that idea into my head."
                          
"I didn't make you do anything!"
                          
"You were the one pushing this on me!"
                          
"Niall, listen to me-"
                          
"No, Jace, you listen to me," I retaliated roughly as I unlocked my car and slid into the driver side. "My biggest fear was to fall in love and get hurt again. You knew that and yet you didn't stop me. You didn't even try to stop me."
                          
"Yes I did! Multiple times!"
                          
"But in the end you said she was worth it! You told me to go for it despite Coach's rule!"
                          
Jace scuffed. "This is ridiculous. You're accusing me of something I had no control over. You did what you did, not me. Your head is trying to figure out the best conclusion of the situation and you came up with me."
                          
"I came up with you because you're the only common denominator!"
                          
"You did this to yourself, Niall," he stated sternly. "This isn't my fault. This is all on you and you know it."
                          
The slam of my car door silenced Jace on the other end.
                          
"Are you driving?" he asked, a lot calmer now. "Niall, you know that's not a good idea when upset like this."