f i f t y

                                    

                                          
NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRIED... I still couldn't understand my life. How had so much changed in such little time?
                          
Just over a month ago, I was the girl who found her mother's lifeless body. I was the girl with the broken memories. There wasn't anyone more alone in the world, than me.
                          
But when I came to Gray Valley, I was drawn into a new world... Full of soulmates, curses and Werewolves. I discovered things about my family that I didn't believe was possible; I started to feel as though I actually fit in. I found not only friends... But also enemies.
                          
"Weslyn?" I was vaguely aware of my brother's footsteps behind me. "I thought you were asleep." 
                          
It wasn't like I could sleep. Not with a war.
                          
I had woken up before dawn, my mind drowning in the possibilities that the day ahead would have for me. I could almost feel the doubts fall back in place. Did I really do the right thing? 
                          
I couldn't help but wonder what a real Alpha, like my father, would've done in my situation. Would he have asked the pack to fight, like I had?
                          
"Weslyn," West repeated, standing in directly front of me. His gray eyes seemed to shimmer in the darkness, and I could just make out the bold eyebrows that framed his face. "Are you alright?"
                          
"Yeah," I answered, sounding as bright as I could without being noticeably fake. "I'm fine."
                          
"By Luna, it's dark in here. Let me turn on the lights." 
                          
I heard him shuffle passed me, before a dim light flickered on above my head, brightening up the hall slightly.
                          
"So, why aren't you asleep?" he asked.
                          
"I could ask you the same."
                          
"You're doing it again," he sighed. I looked up at him, confused. "You know... When you pretend to be alright but you're really not."
                          
"I told you, I'm-"
                          
"I may not be the best older brother, but I still know you," he told me. "And right now, I can tell that you're hiding something from me."
                          
"Maybe, I am," I admitted . "Maybe, I'm not fine... But does that really matter?"
                          
"Of course it does. And I want you to know... That you can talk to me," he paused. "I'm the same as you and I-"
                          
"That's a lie, West," I stated. "We're nowhere near the same." 
                          
He was no longer bound by responsibility or the necessity to care, like I was. He could live without giving anything second thought... All I did, was overthink my decisions until I convinced myself it was wrong.
                          
"This about the war, isn't it?"
                          
"I'm not ready for this," I whispered. "Not at all... I'm supposed to be the leader, which makes me responsible for the loss." I took a deep breath. "West, there's more almost 400 Gray Wolves that  are prepared to fight. The ones who die... Their blood will be on my hands... I don't know if I can do this."
                          
"If only I..." he took a sharp intake of breath. "If our father was still here; if only I hadn't killed him... He would've lead the pack to war, without fearing death."
                          
"I'm not him, West."
                          
"No, you're not. You're more than him. Father was just a Grayson Alpha, but you... Luna chose you to lead us."
                          
"You, as well?" I muttered. He sounded just like Blayze. "I know I was born to lead but that doesn't mean it comes naturally to me."
                          
"But it does, Weslyn," he insisted. "The Pack listens to you; they respect you. Not anyone can do that." I looked up at him. "There's no one more perfect to be our Alpha than you and I'm sure... Mother and father would think the same if they were here."
                          
Mother... It was like the image of her mangled body was burnt into my mind. Every time someone so much as mentioned her, that was all I could remember.
                          
"I never actually go to ask you," he began. "But how did our mother die?"
                          
When I found her body, her throat had been slit and her body was covered in slash marks. At the time, I was convinced that someone had murdered her... But after coming to Gray Valley and learning about my past, I realised that I couldn't have been more wrong. 
                          
"Suicide."