a car, a torch, a death.

                                    

                                          
stage 4 fear of trying. 
                          
"and i traveled far, i reached for the stars; but those stars don't reach back, they're better left alone." 
                          
****** 
                          
"Pssst," came a whisper, "Happy Birthday, Auggie!" 
                          
I opened one eye to see Seth standing in the doorway to my room, a big smile plastered across his face. He was in his work uniform because unfortunately he had to work today. It sucked for him, not so much for me. 
                          
"Thanks," I mumbled, "Have fun at work." 
                          
Lazily, I unplugged my phone from its charger. It was only almost nine in the morning. Light was seeping in through the blinds, so the sun was well up. I got up, checking my phone. I had about eight different text messages. I assumed they were all from friends of mine, maybe one from my grandma. 
                          
My assumptions were correct. My grandma had messaged me, as well as April, Misa, May, and a few others. However, I saw Luke's message and smiled. In all honesty, I didn't even know he remembered my birthday. It was something I told him a long time ago. 
                          
I had finally fell asleep at about four in the morning the night previously, so I was a little bit disoriented from the lack of sleep. Since I never slept during the summer, I knew once school started I was going to be completely fucked over. Oh well. 
                          
The fact that school started in less than a week made me disgusted. Although school occupied me during the year, I hated going. The people at my high school were awful people. Plus, I knew my sophomore year was going to be completely different than my freshman year. I was going to have to establish new friend groups. Also, I was going to have to deal with the incoming freshman. 
                          
I stretched my arms out, then opened my blinds. The sun was almost shining high in the sky. It was going to be nice out for my birthday, which, was something I appreciated. The weather was rarely shitty on my birthday. That was another thing I was going to miss about the summer. The weather was almost always so nice. Inside a school, it wasn't very fun to look at how nice it was outside. 
                          
I decided to push the thoughts of going back to school in the back of my mind. After all, it was my birthday, and I needed to be in a good mood. Being sad on my birthday was something I didn't need. 
                          
Since the breakup with Aurora, Luke and I still stood where we were before. We were still really close and talking constantly. I didn't mind it all, however. It was nice to have a guy as one of my better friends. He just didn't have so much drama associated with him, which was a really huge plus. 
                          
I had been flirting a little bit more frequently though; this time it wasn't shut down. I hoped that in time, I could finally tell Luke how I felt. It was probably obvious, yet, I did want to tell him sometime in the future. 
                          
Luke didn't seem too upset over the breakup. He was bummed though. He did tell me it was for the best though because she was moving soon. Misa believed he wasn't too upset because he liked me. There was just a part of me that rejected that. There was no way Luke liked me.
                          
It wasn't like I was ugly, there was just a lot of way prettier girls out there. My hair was at this  awkward length since it was short yet sorta long. It fell past my shoulders but barely below my collarbone. Since I had gotten it cut at the beginning of the summer, it had grown slightly. I had an okay figure, with curvy hips and a smaller chest. My eyes were this weird pale blue-gray that I hated. I didn't think I was unattractive, I just knew I wasn't anything extemely spectacular. 
                          
A knock on the door interrupted me from my thoughts. I glanced over to see my dad grinning with his hands behind his back. I smiled slyly, knowing what the thing was. It was a record; one of my birthday presents. 
                          
"I know what that is," I said in a sing-song voice. 
                          
"And what is it?" he smirked, hands still behind his back. 
                          
"That sir, is a record," I laughed, "It's Vessel." 
                          
"You are correct," he took his hands from behind his back to hand me a copy of one of my favorite albums by twenty one pilots. It was on vinyl, which only made it's significance to me increase. 
                          
"Can I play it on the stereo?" I asked, taking the plastic wrap off the record. 
                          
"Yes you can," he answered. 
                          
I finished unwrapping the plastic off, then headed to the living room. I turned on the stereo, slipped the record from the sleeve, and put the record on the turn table. As Ode to Sleep began blaring throughout the house, I began to smile. It was going to be a really really good day. 
                          
-later that day- 
                          
"Sooooo," my dad sucked in a breath, "What do you want for your birthday?" 
                          
"A cajon," I answered, looking out the window, "I really can't think of anything else I really want." 
                          
"Are you sure?" my mom fretted, "I mean, we're only going to put fifty in to help out if you really want a cajon. We just don't want you wasting your money on something you're barely going to play." 
                          
"I'm going to play it, mom," I rolled my eyes. 
                          
 My birthday was definitely not going as planned. I had wanted to purchase a cajon; I was not expecting to have to pay for half of it if I really wanted one. It was my birthday, and my parents were fucking expecting me to pay for half of the damn thing I wanted. Personally, I thought it was fucking load of bull, but I didn't want to get into an argument with my parents. The sheer fact that it was already three o'clock in the afternoon, along with the fact that I hadn't gotten much sleep wasn't really helping the situation. 
                          
I really wanted a cajon, or some records at least. The cajon sounded like a better idea, though. Misa and I were wanting to start a band. She was going to be the lead vocalist while playing her ukulele, while I was going to be doing the percussion portion with backup vocals. It was probably a really stupid idea, yet, it sounded like a really fun gig for the both of us. 
                          
The reason my birthday wasn't going as planned was because out of everywhere we looked for a cajon, I wasn't really impressed. Since I wasn't too impressed, I was beginning to have second thoughts about actually purchasing one. Also, I wasn't too happy I was going to be having to pay for the rest of my own present. It was just making me irritable. 
                          
Luke was really the only good thing going for me so far on my birthday. He was making jokes to make me laugh, which I really appreciated since the whole cajon thing was going pretty downhill. I beginning to appreciate him more and more as the summer was ending. In all honesty, I was hoping that by the time that I walked into the doors of RTHS on the first day of my sophomore year, that I was going to already have told him how I felt. 
                          
Well, I had five days. We'll see how it goes.