Chap.30

                                    

                                          
           
                          
Some things in our lives are dependable. Like our families. No matter what, you're always going to be flesh and blood. No matter what, you're always going to have to deal with them in some way.  But just like some things are dependable, some things just aren't. That's not a good reason to stay away from these unreliable things. Sometimes you just have to put yourself out there and hope for the best. You're going to have heartbreak; you're going to be let down. You're also going to have moments when you feel like you're floating on a cloud, moments when everything is simply perfect, when things fall into place. You're going to have to pick yourself up. Know what's reliable, know what's not. You'll have to know what's worth the pain, and when you should just walk away. Accept what happens and move on. You can't have a rainbow without a little rain; you can't speed down the street in your fancy car without breaking down sometimes. And that's okay. We're just a bunch of imperfect humans trying to live our lives, sometimes together.
                          
                So find your people, enjoy your moments, live your life. Fall in love, with places, with cultures, with ideas, with favorite foods, with people. Never settle, always search for what you really want in life. And when you find it, fight for it. Be yourself. Be the rose in a world of thorns. Know who you are, know who others are. Life is short, so cherish yours and cherish others.
                          
                Make the best out of the worst situations. Situations like this. When you're standing surrounded by the people you love, in an elegant black dress. When your makeup is running down your face, you're barely breathing. When you feel an empty spot in your heart, when you lose someone who meant the world to you. Days like today, when you can't believe they're gone. 
                          
                Cole Johnson passed away two months after our Homecoming Game. He was happy down to the end. He accepted his fate. He was thankful for the time he was given, for the people he was given, for the life he lived. He changed the lives of everyone he met just by being who he was, by his words of kindness, by his heart of gold, by his smile. 
                          
                Today I stand at his funeral, it's early on a Saturday morning, and it's raining. Of course it's raining. Today it's impossible for even Mother Nature to try to smile, to even attempt a forced smile. The speaker at his service tells of how kindhearted he was, how he had a bright future ahead of him, and how he touched the hearts of many. Nobody pays too much attention; everyone still struggles to accept he's gone. Connor storms out not five minutes in to the services, he's devastated. He's lost the most important person in his life, the person he spent all his time with. For the rest of his life he'll be reminded of him every single time he laughs, every time he looks in the mirror, every time he sees an old photo, every little thing he ever does will somehow relate to Cole, his life will never be the same.
                          
                The services end and Xander and I give both his parents warm hugs, squeezing their shoulders. We briefly look around for Connor, but realize he wants to be left alone, so we drive. We drive around for about an hour, tears streaming down both our faces. Our fingers intertwined, nothing audible except our labored breaths. We end up going to the mini golf course. It's now pouring down raining, and we miss every hole. We don't keep score, we don't speak. We just swing our golf clubs and enjoy each other's presence. As much as you can enjoy anything on days like today that is. 
                          
                With every swing we grieve. We smell the wet grass, an almost comforting smell. We hear the rain drops falling on everything surrounding us. And we appreciate everything, the course, the rain, and every single breath we take.
                          
                In your life you will lose people. Maybe you already have, maybe you won't for many years yet. But either way, always remember to be forgiving, to be kind, to love unconditionally. Remember every time you say goodbye to someone that it could very well be the last time. Never stop chasing your dreams, and remember that every second is precious. 
                          
                Remember that life goes on, and eventually you'll have to also. Never be afraid to move on, so many great things are out there for you. I myself am reminded of this today, as Xander orders his ice cream and checks off the very last flavor on the list. She hands me my usual, my chocolate ice cream. She hands Xander his peach toffee or whatever it is. And with a smile she speaks, "Next Friday, we're going to start selling frozen yogurt."
                          
                We nod, and she smiles proceeding to tell us not to worry about paying for our game or our ice cream today or any other day for the rest of our lives. She says no one has ever actually eaten every ice cream flavor although many have tried. She says they've been planning this for a while. She says they made us our very own V.I.P. cards. She says there are only three of them in existence. One for me, one for him, and one for my Uncle Sam. The man who really started this all, the man who taught us both to appreciate us everything and to always say thank you and mean it, the man who always told us that traditions hold people together. The man who deserves complete credit for Xander and I's relationship being as strong as it is today.
                          
                We eat our ice cream, we grieve and we try to move on. Xander continues to play football, and I continue to have no idea what comes next. We continue to be us, we continue to love. We continue to hope that one day we may stand in our very own Hall of Fame.
                          


                          
So this is it. It's been a long time since I started writing and posting Hall of Fame, since I've began to write my second and third books. The second, Because We're Friends is nearly finished being written. I'll post that as soon as I finish writing it. I'll be editing it as I post it. Then I'l begin to work on and edit my third book, which does not have a name as of yet. Because it has been a long time since I started this book, since I finished writing this book even, I've improved a lot. So I have some major editing work to do on this book. That is already in progress and I don't know when I'll finish that, but if you've read it in the mean time thank you so much. I know it's a real piece of work right now! Thank you to everyone who's had any part in this book. To those of you who have voted, each of you have put a huge smile on my face. Commentors, the same to you. And the same to every single person who's read all or just a portion. You mean the world to me. Thank you again.