I was sitting at home on the soft couch with a folder in my lap, going through it with anticipation. A small smirk was plastered on my place, while I looked through the ultrasounds and all the planning for the coming birth of my beautiful baby girl. Her room was already prepared it looked exactly like the sketch in the thick book. I scrunched my nose up as I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, clutching my hand over my already visible baby bump. As I was feeling my little girl kick actively, like she always did I smiled to myself, I just couldn't wait to hold her small fragile body in my hands. I jumped a little, when huge arms suddenly wrapped around me and pulled me into a warm chest. I didn't even notice the couch dig down when he sat beside me. While I leaned back into the comforting warmth of my boyfriend’s body I felt his big hands lay down above mine, so that his palms were covering some of my hands and my tummy. I forgot the pain a little and giggled lightly as he started peppering my neck an cheek with tender kisses. "She's kicking again, babe?" He asked with his deep voice and I just nodded happily. You smiled up to your beautiful boyfriend, planting a small kiss on his plump lips. "Yeah, seems like she takes after me and just can't sit still." His deep loud laugh echoed through the room and your face lit up even more instantly. "Luckily, she doesn't take that much after me, since I wasn't a very healthy baby!" You cupped his face with your small hand and let your thumb brush over his cheek. "But I want her to look like you, I hope she inherits those beautiful brown eyes of yours and your hair." Now his face lit up again. "I can't even explain how much I love you, (Y/N), and our stunning little girl" he smiled down at you and gave you a tender but passionate kiss. Making my heart beat faster and making my tummy feel like a million of butterflies were in it. When we parted I yawned tiredly and nuzzled my face into his shoulder. "Come on babe, let's go to bed!" Just as I wanted to complain that I'm not tired at all he cut me off. "Don't even try to argue about it!" After he said that he quickly picked me up and carried me up the stairs and the hall down to our bedroom. As soon as I hit the mattress I fell asleep feeling his strong arms wrapping around me, keeping me safe.
I woke up in the middle of the night, as an awful pain stung through my stomach. I quickly clutched my hands to it while crouching into a ball, bringing my knees to my chest trying to fight against the pain. My breathing hitched in my throat as the pain got stronger again and little whimpers left my mouth. That was when Liam woke up and as he could make out my scrunched up face and whimpering he turned on the light on the nightstand quickly. I saw his look scanning me and as he inhaled sharply. I followed his eyes and saw what caused the horrified look on his face. The mattress under me was drenched in blood. That's when I realized what was going on and started to panic. I started crying hysterically as one hand clutched my stomach while the other covered my mouth from which sobs were erupting continuously.
It had been three weeks now, three weeks of emptiness and sorrow, of horror and crying. The pain just wouldn't go away just like the nightmares that haunted you since then and made you go through all the horror again and again. Each night I woke up covered in sweat with a pain in my stomach that made me scream. But as soon as I realized reality the hurt moved from my stomach to my chest, grabbing my heart tightly, while leaving only a cold and empty feeling in my now small tummy. Tonight wasn't any different the same nightmare woke me again and after I calmed down a bit I moved myself to the window ledge where I enveloped myself in my thick blanket, trying my hardest to keep the cold out of me. There was only one problem, you can't shelter from the cold when it spreads from within you. So I sat there alone, shaking from the cold while needing someone to hold me and tell me that everything will be ok again. Sadly there was no one here to hold me and keep me warm, keep me safe from the darkness creeping closer. I was alone. So I just watched the city again, moving in fast pace while I felt like I was frozen those many floors above everyone. Waiting alone in the big apartment I shared with my boyfriend. Or had shared.. It had been three long weeks that my boyfriend had rushed me to the hospital that dark night. Three damn weeks since I heard the doctor say that I lost my beautiful girl. Three weeks of horror since I held her dead little body in my hands as my body got cold. Three lonely weeks since my boyfriend choose to walk out the door of the surgery, not turning back. Three weeks that broke my heart a thousand times and tore me wide open, leaving me lying alone with no one there to pick me up and giving me no reason to get up by myself again. There was nothing left. Nothing. It was already 4 in the morning and the sky was still pitch black, showing no sign of dawn, giving no hope that a new day would come and the sun would light up the sky. It was just a deep darkness letting nothing shine through. I looked up at the sky, searching for the moon or the stars, a small light at least to show a little hope. There was nothing tonight, the darkness was too deep, to even show a sign of the existence of the moon. Pitch black was all that was above our heads. It was so louring that I couldn't even make out any furniture in my room, since I hadn't turned on any light. The obscurity wrapped it soft hands around me coating me and making me feel like I was engulfed in wool, while pulling me down further, lulling me. I let the depression do its thing, I didn't fight, for me it was already over. I had lost everything. Not only my beautiful baby girl but also the love of my life. There was no sound while I got lost more by every tick of the clock, fusing with the darkness of the night, becoming numb from all the pain. I kinda drifted out of this world, going far away with my mind, to a place, where I felt nothing instead of pain, just an emptiness. I didn't hear the creak of the heavy front door so I didn't move at all till suddenly the door of the bedroom was opened and let the light fall into the darkness that had settled in the room. While my brain was still working on why there suddenly was light in the room, my eyes took in a dark, big silhouette which was standing in the doorway, casting a shade on the wooden floor, where the light hit it. Before my brain could even process what was happening the dark shadow had crossed the room, pulled me off the window sil, out of the dark and into the ray of light that fell into the room. Strong arms were wrapped around me pulling me close into a warm chest, the force nearly crashing me, but I didn't mind. All I minded was that he was here, he came back, he didn't really leave. So I clutched to the warm big frame sheltering me, spending me warmth, making the emptiness in my stomach and heart just a little more bearable. "I'm sorry (Y/N)."
