Theraputic?

                                    

                                          
"So, anything you want me to know before we start?" Asked Jordan as she stared down onto me as she leant over the comfy bed thing I was lying on.
                          
"Um...no. Not really"
                          
"Are you sure? Lyra tells me you received a weird letter yesterday"
                          
"Oh no that was just from an old friend"
                          
"Friend?"
                          
"Ok yeah the boy I was on about. We said that's how how we will send letters to each other, in black envelopes. That way we know who they'll be from and nobody will be able to steal them without us knowing"
                          
"Ok. Actually, today, it's this boy I want to talk about"
                          
"Right?"
                          
"Lyra and I have been having words about him, and we thing you should reduce contact with him"
                          
"What?" I asked in shock as I sat up.
                          
"Please relax and sit down"
                          
"No! You just told me to stop talking to him!"
                          
"It wasn't that. We just think that you need to start moving on from your old care home and if you keep going to see him and talking to him, then you'll never be able to get over this"
                          
"Yeah but I don't want to stop talking to him!"
                          
"No not straight away! At first you just need to reduce texts and maybe rethink the letters. We just think he might be the thing making you miss your old home, since that's where you met, right?"
                          
"Well yeah but the reason I miss him is because he was and is my boyfriend, and I miss the care home because it's the only place that I can remember that ever really felt like home."
                          
"And this place will feel like home, but only when you let go of your old home"
                          
"But I don't want to!"
                          
"But you must at least try!"
                          
"No! Jordan I'm not just going to leave everything behind for the sake of what's to come in front!"
                          
"You're not leaving it behind. You're moving on. Keep the memories and the good times and feelings and everything, but some of the people are becoming toxic to you and aren't good to be around."
                          
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Jordan is trying to make me forget about Ryan and everything that happened at Ashdene Ridge! Unbelievable! And she was the one who was so supportive about it all in the secure home, and now, as soon as she is in a different care home, she has a whole new personality!
                          
"Don't do this!"
                          
"Do what?" She asked innocently.
                          
"Don't try and change me, or make me forget about what I love"
                          
"But it's for the best"
                          
"Why does everyone always assume they know what's best for me? Why does nobody ever ask what I want?!"
                          
"Fine Marie! What do you want?"
                          
"I want to go back to the dumping ground!!" I yelled, and then instantly regretted what I had said. I could tell Jordan was hurt by what I had said, but I don't care! She hurt me with what she said, so why should I be nice to her? She's trying to change me! I'm not having any of that!
                          
"Well, you can't! It simply isn't an option!"
                          
"I know! Just...forget it"
                          
"Ok....so...moving on, I'd like to talk to you about how you act with the girls"
                          
"What? How do I act with the other girls?"
                          
"Lyra just told me it was odd. She told me you weren't acting yourself"
                          
"Well how was I acting?"
                          
"More sociable and open...?"
                          
"And that's a bad thing?"
                          
"I don't think that's why she's concerned"
                          
"Then why IS she concerned?"
                          
"She thinks you're doing something, or trying to be someone you aren't. Well, I actually think she isn't sure, she just wants to make sure you're alright"
                          
"Really? Because it sounds like she just wants to accuse me of something else since I'm not currently in trouble for anything else"
                          
"Marie don't be difficult"
                          
"I'm not! The point of these sessions is to talk about my feelings and stuff right? Well, this is how I feel. Hope it isn't inconvenient for you. But the truth hurts, deal with it"
                          
"Well, who knew you had that in you...?!"
                          
"A lot of people actually. You just don't know me enough"
                          
"Well maybe if you opened up to me a little more then I would know you better"
                          
"Well I've only spoken to you twice!"
                          
"That's not true! We spoke at the old secure home you were in when I worked in the kitchen remember?"
                          
"No we didn't! That wasn't you. She may have looked, moved and sounded just like you, but as I look at you, I don't recognise you as her. You're more mean, more forceful, less understanding"
                          
"Excuse me?!"
                          
"See! The old Jordan was more patient than that! She would have listened to why I felt that way about her, rather than just having a go at me for voicing an opinion, which by the way is one of my human rights"
                          
"Fine. Whatever. This session is over. You clearly don't want to be here right now so just go away"
                          
"Oh no Jordan I didn't mean to..."
                          
"Forget it. Go away. Stay in your room or whatever you do for fun"
                          
I was going to protest, but I know it's pointless by now. She's made up her mind. There's nothing I can do apart from awkwardly trudge up to my room and close myself in again. So much for helpful sessions with Jordan.
                          
----------
                          
I sat on my bed, leaning against the headboards. My legs were stretched out in front of me with my feet crossed over each other, and my guitar across my lap.
                          
I was sulking. I wasn't writing anything new, or even playing anything I already knew. I was just occupying my hands and fiddling basically. Well, until Jody randomly stormed into the room.
                          
"Marie stop strumming the same slow dull notes over and over again please it's doing my head in!"
                          
"Sorry" I said as I stopped and swung my legs on the bed so I could place my guitar on the floor.
                          
"Hey, what's up?" Jody asked.
                          
"Nothing"
                          
"No come on, we're in this together now remember? So that means if you have a problem, you can confide in me. So come on, what's happened? Has one of the other girls said something?"
                          
"No nothing like that"
                          
"Fallen out with Ryan?"
                          
"No"
                          
"Well, what's happened then?"
                          
"I just had an argument with Jordan, that's all"
                          
"Is she that lady who is like a therapist or something?"
                          
"Yeah. I'm supposed to be able to tell her anything. But it seems like everything I tell her goes straight to Lyra, who then keeps her eye on me because of it. So much for trust"
                          
"I thought you of all people would know to never trust a social worker"
                          
"Yeah. Get that now"
                          
"Well, I can see you just want to be alone for a bit. Drop me a text if there's anything I can do. I'll just be in my room"
                          
"Thanks Jody"
                          
"No problem"
                          
She calmly left the room and shut the door. Literally the complete opposite of the way she entered the room. But I'm grateful for the fact that she's looking out for me. Even if it does feel like she wants something.