Father Figure

                                    

                                          
Annabelle
                          
As the season goes on the annual dad trip comes closer and closer and I know this is a conversation Artemi is avoiding. Every time you bring it up he goes off on some other tangent and won't even look the person in their eyes. He and his parents, they have a difficult relationship. Like mine they separated when he was little, but the difference is that my parents did everything in their power to make sure my brother and I had everything we needed to be successful growing up. They pull it together when it comes to us kids and even joke about the fact they're not together anymore. But Artemi seldom talk about his parents, and what he does say isn't exactly kind. I contacted Vladimir about coming but he has games with the team he is coaching and wouldn't be able to make it. I tried getting something out of him about Artemis dad but he wouldn't crack either. At this point I don't know if I want to try to get him to come if he isn't wanted. But it's the fathers trip and I don't want Artemi traveling without some sort of father figure, he obviously doesn't need it but he deserves to have someone to go up to and be like "did you see what I did", you know? I tell him every day how great of a player is, and he knows it. But I think he wants someone besides me to remind him every second that he is such a great guy. He likes to act like the concept of this trip doesn't bother him but I see the way his eyes dart around the room when someone brings it up and he stutters when people ask him about it. He's a tough guy but family is something that even the strongest of guys rely on. 
                          
"Hey Art, can I ask you something" I ask as we sit in the bay window in our room. "You know the answer to that" he smiles. God I hope he keeps that smile on his face. "Why won't you invite your dad to the fathers trip" I ask quietly and his smile fades. Instead he reads of hurt and anger. "I can't do that" he replies sharply, that was harsh. "Look, I'm only trying to help. Just because you won't make a effort to contact your dad doesn't mean the Hawks will change the trip because they feel bad for you, okay? I don't know what happened but I refuse to let you go on this trip and mope around. I can see it in your eyes, it hurts to see everyone else with their dad when yours isn't here. You tense up and your eyes get dark, I feel for you and it hurts to see you like this. That's so extremely painful for me to watch" I explain. "That's just the way it has to be" he sighs. "It doesn't, there's always another way and you know that. But I can't help you if you don't put some sort of effort" I try. All I wanted was for him to give me something to work with, and from the looks of it he was about to explode. "I don't want him here... okay? He doesn't deserve to be here. I've gotten this far without him, why does he get to come back into my life when all the parts I needed him for are over? That's not fair to my grandparents who raised me, who gave up everything to see me where I am now. They were there when I was having a bad day, they were there at my games cheering me on, they were there telling me yes when everyone else was telling me no. And where was my dad through all of this? I wouldn't know now would I, because he gave up on me before I even had a chance to prove anything to him. He doesn't get to see me now because he hasn't seen what I've gone through to get here. He never put in a effort to show me love or compassion so why should I" he finishes. Halfway through he starting crying but finally relaxed. He held that in probably all his life, and now he was free. "Come here" I say and he scoots down closer to me as I wrap my arms around him and squeeze him tight. "I'm sorry for getting upset, it's just... I've never told anyone that" he whispers as I rub his back. "I wanted you to say that, it's not good keeping that kind of thing in. I know you feel as if you're a bad guy for feeling this way but you're not. It's natural to repent your parents when they desert you, but it's not natural to keep all this in when it's impossible to avoid. With the trip coming up and all I'd rather you tell me these things now than flip out on the guys or be all sad and not have anyone to come to because no one would have known how you really feel. I get what you're saying, you have a right to be upset with your dad. He did a shitty thing, but look where you are now. You're in a pent house in Chicago making your dreams come true without him. You don't need him but it's okay to want to know what it's like to have a father figure with you on the trip" I explain. "Thanks for talking to me, that does feel really good to get off my chest. And I know if I couldn't tell you I wouldn't have told anyone. It would just burn inside me until I spit fire. As for who to bring... I'm not sure" he admits. "What about Andrew Aksyonov? He helped you get settled here last year and came with you to the NHL awards" I suggest. He thinks about it then looks down at me and grows a smile. "That would be cool, he's kind of the mediator of my life and has done so much for me. I'll give him a call" he says and I nod. We continue to sit in the window looking over the city in silence as life passed us by. "Thanks for always trying to do what best for me. I know it was hard for you to bring up my dad because I'm so against talking about him but I'm glad you did" he says tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. "Of course, I would do anything to assure that you are going to be happy. I could tell the father trip was making you upset and I just wanted to make sure you would be prepared for it" I explain. "I love you so much" he smiles causing me to smile too. "I love you too."