It's A Metaphor...

                                    

                                          
~ My POV ~
                          
With a relieved sigh, I fall against my bedroom door, and smile. Finally, Im alone! In a few steps, I reach my bed. I fall onto it, and pull myself into a sitting position. Instinctively, my head falls onto my pillows, my eyes close, and I feel myself smiling.
                          
My eyes flutter open, and Im back in my happy place. A particular field, not far from my house, but too far for me to walk when its as cold as it is outside these days. I look around at my surroundings, and smile, nothing has changed. Well, it would be pretty worrying if it had, considering this is what some people would call my 'mind palace'. I stand up, and stroll over to the pile of hay bails, the only ones that are never used up, or replaced, for some reason. As I near them, I hear a voice I recognize instantly.
"Heather! You're home! How was school?" The cheerful, Irish accent calls from behind me.
I turn on my heel, and see him, Jack, with his green hair, black skinny jeans that are ripped at the knee, and a bright smile on his face. I run up to him, and hug him tightly. He laughs slightly, and wraps his arms around me. 
"It was alright, maths was shit as usual though." I say into his shirt, before pulling away from him.
Jack nods, and takes my hand, leading me over to another patch of grass, that has my iPad lying on it. I sit down, pick up my iPad, and unlock it. Jack picks up the heavy tower, and holds it above my head. I call it my Stress Stack. Basically, it's a tower, with various different layers, all of them slabs of cement with labels on them, but each one represents something that has caused me stress, to the point where I have had mental breakdowns over them in the past. For example, my anxiety, family, friends, expectations, grades, etc. The stack is pretty tall, and incredibly heavy, which is why Jack obviously cannot hold it up alone. Standing directly opposite him, is Kellin, my other character. These two are my favorites, out of all the ones I have created. The two of them, keep my problems from falling on me, breaking me down. 
"Hey Heather..." Kellin speaks quietly, sounding almost nervous.
I look up from my iPad to smile at him "Hey Kels! How are you?"
"I-Im uh, Im good..." He mutters, seeming to be forcing his happy tone.
I shrug it off, he probably got caught up in one of the many plots I've written involving him, that's nothing new. I look back down at my iPad, and frown.
"Writers block?" Jack asks.
I nod, not saying anything. Writers block isnt a particularly common issue for me, it isnt difficult for something to inspire me.
"Try listening to music, that usually helps." Jack suggests.
I nod again, and retrieve my earphones from my pocket. I plug them into my iPad, and shove one of them in my ear, I've got to keep one ear free, in case either of my guys want me for something. I press shuffle on one of my playlists on spotify, and my eyes light up as an idea enters my head.
"I got it!" I squeal, before beginning to type frantically. Im known for my speedy typing, and writing, skills. 
Jack laughs "That's my girl!" 
Kellin clears his throat "I-Is this one about me?"
Instantly, I am consumed by guilt. Lately, I've found myself focussing more on Jack related writing. Not intentionally, Im just finding it enjoyable to explore the personality of a different character, throwing him into different situations and seeing how he reacts. Often, I feel as though Im not the one writing, rather it is the characters writing themselves. I've been trying so hard to find more ideas for Kellin, but I keep getting stuck, I dont know whats wrong with me. It makes me feel terrible. He was my first fictional character, my first escape, he has been here since day one, and I feel like I've abandoned him.
I swallow the lump in my throat, not knowing how to respond to him.
Jack sighs "Leave it Kellin, she'll write about you when she gets an idea."
Kellin nods "I-I know, I-I just...it's been so long since you wrote about me...do you even think about me anymore? D-Do you still...do you still love me, as much as you used to?"
I feel tears pricking my eyes, how can he say that? How can he think that? Am I really that bad of an author, that bad of a person, that I cant even keep a fictional version of a real person happy?
"For fuck sake Kellin, of course she does! You've been her main focus for almost 2 and a half years now, it's about time you learnt to share the spotlight. Just because she writes about me now, doesnt mean she loves you any less. Cant you see how guilty she feels!?! How much you are hurting her!?!" Jack growls.
I feel my breathing become more frantic. He's being very harsh. 
I know that he loves me, and he cares about me, but that was a little too far. 
I want to speak out, defend Kellin, calm things down before they get out of hand, but I cant find the words, I can barely manage breathing.
I hear Kellin sniffle "I just fucking miss her, that's all!"
Im such a horrible person.
I've abandoned him.
He feels so lost without me.
He's so upset.
What have I done.
How could I do this.
"Look at her Kellin! Look what you've done to her!" Jack shouts.
Kellin gasps "Oh god! Heather! Im so sorry, I didnt mean-"
"Sorry isnt going to stop her crying, jackass!" Jack cuts him off, his tone makes my cringe. 
"Im so, so sorry Heather! Please, look at me!" Kellin begs.
I feel the tears roll down my cheeks. 
Suddenly, clouds fill the sky, and it starts to rain, the droplets hitting the grass at the same time as my tears.
"She doesnt want to look at you Kellin, you've hurt her!" Jack retorts.
No, no, that's not true! 
I cant move. 
I cant speak. 
"How many times can I fucking apologize!?! Y'know what? Im just gonna fucking leave, Im clearly not wanted here! Have fun with your stupid excuse for happiness, Mrs McLoughlin." Kellin spits that last part, as though its left a disgusting taste in his mouth.
I feel the stack of concrete above me slip slightly, as Kellin storms off, leaving Jack to hold it up alone. 
He's leaving me.
The field disappears. Im sitting in the middle of a road, at night, in the pouring rain, with only a streetlamp to light the way. 
Everything is falling. 
"KELLIN! GET THE FUCK BACK HERE!" Jacks voice booms like thunder.
I shudder at the sound, I've had a fear of shouting for a long time, because I used to be stuck in a house in which my bitch of a stepmother (who mentally and verbally abused me for almost 6 years) and my father (who sat and did practically nothing to stop her) would scream at each other, and most of the time it would be about me.
"NO, GO FUCK YOURSELF, ASSHOLE!" Kellin shouts back.
He isnt easy to anger. 
Oh god. 
This is all my fault.
Jack looks down at me, and smiles sweetly. He lets go of the stack with one hand, to reach down and grab mine, before pulling me up. "Here, sweetheart, hold this for a second, I'll go get him." He kisses my forehead, and runs off after Kellin, leaving me to hold the tower of concrete above me.
My arms shake beneath the weight, and I feel my anxiety slowly filling me up, like a thick sludge, before it solidifies, keeping me frozen in place. 
I watch as Jack runs to meet Kellin, who turns and punches him in the jaw. My breath catches in my throat as I choke on a cry. My vision blurs with my tears, and I blink rapidly until I can see again. Jack scrambles to his feet, and punches Kellin in the stomach. I hear myself screaming in my head, but no sound leaves my lips.
NO! STOP THIS! PLEASE! 
STOP IT! 
COME BACK! 
Kellin looks over at me, and his eyes widen as he sees me struggling to hold up the ridiculously heavy stack that represents my stresses. He tries to run to me, but Jack stops him, and punches him back down to the floor. All concern for me leaves Kellin, now all he can focus on is Jack, and all either of them can think about is beating the shit out of each other.
I understand both of their points of view.
I completely understand.
I love them both.
I dont know what to do. 
The stack shudders, and pushes me to my knees, as a new slab lands hard on the top of the tower: the fear of losing my happiness.
My happiness is both of them, but they dont see that, they dont understand.
How can I tell them?
I cant speak.
I cant do anything.
I feel like my arms are going to snap beneath the weight of everything that was previously held out of my way by Kellin and Jack, my boys. 
My protectors, my saviors, my guardian angels. 
I need them.
I need them now.
I cant hold this.
If I cant even keep my fictional universe under control by myself, how am I ever going to survive the real world?
Where are they.
I cant see them.
I cant see.
My world goes dark, and everything seems to happen in slow motion. My entire body gives up, and I feel the impact of all the cement coming crashing down on me, smashing on the floor, covering me, suffocating me. 
"NO!" I hear two men shout, hurried footsteps follow, getting closer.
                          
"Sweetheart, please wake up, can you hear me? I need you! My darling, come back, please! We're so sorry!" I hear an Irish voice cry, it sounds so strange and out of place for him to be sad.
"Please, just open your eyes! You're my world, my everything, my babygirl, please come back! Im right here, it's ok, everything's ok, just open your eyes, please!" I hear a broken, American voice say, it hurts to hear him so broken.
                          
"I love you..."