Chapter 20 - Burning Flames or Paradise

                                    

                                          
            
                          
She read the message over and over again until she could memorise it.

                          
I've missed you so much. 
                          
What a liar. How dare she say that to me after all this time. After all this time with no effort made. Her anxiety melted away, blew up and caught fire into a burning pit of anger inside her. Throwing her phone back onto the bed, Taylor clenched her fists and started pacing the room irately. She was fed up of women. She was fed up of Dianna, a woman who had led her on unknowingly with her attention and her words, until she'd moved on to the new best thing and had cast her aside like a piece of dirt she had picked from her shoe.  And then there was Karlie. The one she had let herself fall for because she thought she was better. In the end, even she had let her down. The tower of anger that had built itself up so highly in her was suddenly knocked down by a bulldozer of sadness, making Taylor's shoulders slump and her muscles give way until she had collapsed onto the bed, her hands clinging onto the pillow, and she buried her head into it and began to sob. Just when she thought she had finally gotten her life back on track, she saw it all crumbling before her. She lay there a while, wallowing in self-pity, the tears sliding slowly down her reddened cheeks until she was resting on damp sheets made of misery. She felt very lost, and very alone. She wished Abigail was here to give her some comforting advice and help her pull herself together again. But she wasn't. She was thousands of miles away in Nashville. She rarely felt this anymore, being so used to travelling around the world for months on end, but she felt a surge of home sickness arise in her throat, aching and clinging. She wanted familiar, she wanted safe, and it was clear she wasn't getting any of that here, despite Ed's hospitality. She had been completely thrown off by Karlie's behaviour and Dianna's sudden reappearance in her life. So, there and then, she made a decision. She would go to breakfast with Ed, and then she would be on the next flight home. Things with Karlie would have to be resolved at a later date. First, she had to figure out what she was to do about Dianna, and she needed to go home in order to do that. She slowly pushed herself up into a sitting position on the bed, rubbing the remaining evidence of her sadness away with the backs of her hands. It was time to pack. 
                          
"I hope you like this place, it's one of my favourites!" Ed said, pushing the door open for Taylor. Taylor walked into what seemed to be a typical old school style café. It was quaint, and dimly lit, decorated with framed paintings of classic oil paintings dotted around the room, with stylish booths and leather seats sat closely together. Only a handful of people occupied the establishment, too distracted by conversation or the food in front of them to notice their presence here.  It felt cosy; Taylor immediately approved. 
                          
"Let's sit over here," Ed gestured to a booth in the corner, and they made their way over. As Taylor took her seat, she gazed up to admire the painting hanging on the wall above their table. It was a picture of a beach at dusk, brought to life with an array of deep blues which the brush strokes had used to swirl around the canvas to create a magnificent ocean and the dark night sky. It brought Taylor right back to the evening spent with Karlie on the beach in Big Sur. Suddenly she didn't want to look at the painting anymore.
                          
"What do you fancy?" Ed was scanning the menu, running his index finger up and down the page.
                          
"I don't know." Taylor tried to concentrate on the words in front of her, but her mind was too busy thinking of other things, mainly other people, to invest much time in normal decision making. "Whatever you're having."
                          
"English breakfast it is then," he looked up and gave her a grin. She smiled back weakly; she didn't know how much longer she could keep up the pretence of happy.
                          
Ed made most of the conversation whilst they ate, with Taylor trying to give as full a response as she could muster the energy to do so. She felt so guilty for being such poor company, but today she couldn't help it, and she would make it up to Ed the next time they saw each other.