Chapter 60: A bun in the oven.

                                    

                                          
        Thirty minutes before Blayze received Leslie's call...
Blayze
I took hold of the door knob but in the sparse of the moment, my will faltered and I froze. As I looked away, I ran a hand through my hair. 
I can do this.
I assured myself and made a complete turn back to the door. I simply had to push down on the knob but, I was having a difficult time with that. I stalled on several reasons. Caden trusts me. She hadn't pressured me in any way but I knew what she expected of me. I could see it in her eyes. 
The only way to get over the past is to face it head on. It's a part of me I'll never be able to ignore. Strangely strong willed, I stopped thinking for a moment and pushed the door open. Thereafter, I hesitated before making my way in.
There she laid on the bed without making a move. Is she asleep?
I wondered and thought about turning back but her head turned to me and her eyes met mine. I saw the slight surprise on her face, accompanied by remorse so for a second, I looked away but eventually made my way further in.
Her eyes followed me all the way. Barely standing close to her bedside, I found it hard to look up to her. I didn't want to flare up at her.
"So... " I started.
"... I guess you believe it's okay to show up the way you did."
"Blayze." She called, her voice faint and yet, filled with pain. One glance at her and I shifted my eyes to anywhere else but her.
"I don't even want to know what or where you've been all these years. If you left me behind... you should have lived a long and fulfilling life bit... You selfishly had to come back into my life just when I finally decided to live."
"I'm sorry " She apologised and I couldn't help shifting my eyes back on her. I watched as the teats trickled down her cheeks and I felt my heart burn. I felt upset.
A scoff left my lips as I lowered my eyes.
"What exactly are you sorry for? Leaving me behind or pretending I didn't exist all these years? Perhaps, is it because you show up terminally ill? Let me guess, you want to rectify your mistakes so you can die a peaceful death." A light chuckle left my lips as I take in the words I just spoke. As funny as it sounds, I couldn't deny the fact that I was hurt by it.
"I'm sorry. I believed leaving you with your father was the best idea for your future."
"The best? I was six years old. I needed my mother by my side. Fine... you left but do you have an excuse for never paying a visit?"
"I did. I tried but... your father wouldn't let me. He was adamant as to if I leave, I'll never get to see you again."
"But you left anyways."
"I had to. He was a monster."
"Yet, you left me in his care. What kind of a mother are you?" By this time, I couldn't stop the tears as they trickled down my cheeks. Using a hand, I covered my face, lowering my eyes away from her. 
They were tears I'd tried so hard to hold in. The pain I felt for years. There were times I'd imagined what my life would have been like if she had taken me along. Perhaps, I wouldn't have been molded into the cold stone man I was. I wouldn't have felt so much emptiness within. I wouldn't have felt a little insecure and too scared to let myself believe someone could actually want to stay by my side. She had been the first to break my heart, to let me believe I wasn't wanted.
I felt a light hold of my hand, lowering my hand away from my face and looking up, I met her face. Her aged, worn out face. Her wrinkles were evident and the pain she had to go through. Staring into her tear filled eyes, it dawned on me. She was really going to die and I'll never get to see her again.