18.Skinny Love

                                    

                                          
Song of the chapter:
Skinny love by Birdy
I love you by Little Mix
                          
        "Hey babe." Harry said hugging me from the back. I shoved him away. 
                          
I never was made for Harry. Thinking how perfect he is, I'm sure I'm no good for a guy like him. I love him so much but I can't stand seeing all the hates that his fans gave me because of being imperfect. I don't wanna hurt him, that's the last thing I wanna do but I think this is the best for us. I've been acting a bit off these past few days, those days when I realized everything and I know he notices it but didn't just wanna bring up a fight.
                          
"Baby are you okay?" He asked worriedly.
                          
"I'm sorry I can't do this anymore." I said looking at him weakly.
                          
"Wait. What do you mean?" He asked.
                          
"You know what I mean. You know exactly what I'm talking about, Harry."
                          
"No! I don't know. Make me understand everything because it seems to be a joke." He cried.
                          
"Its not a joke. There is no more joke in here. I'm sorry Harry. Believe me, the the least I thing I want to do is to hurt you but this is for our own good." I wiped his tears.
                          
"But you already did by telling all these." He mumbled shoving my hands away. "You promise not to give up. You promise me you'll ignore the hates just for me because YOU LOVE ME!" 
                          
"I'm sorry..."
                          
"Stop saying sorry!" He snapped. "Stop saying it because it won't fix me." He said in a calmer tone.
                          
"I love you Harry." 
                          
"Stop lying." 
                          
"Its true, I love you and I know you'll find someone new, someone who can be stronger to fight for you. I'm not that." I said looking everywhere but his eyes. I can't look at those eyes right now. 
                          
"You are." He cupped my cheek which made me look at him. "I saw how you fight for us. I know you're brave. Please, I can't lose you." 
                          
"But you need to set me free."
                          
"Is that what you want? Does that make you happy? Does you leaving me would make you happy?" He sobbed.
                          
"No. You don't know how much I want yo stay." I said 
                          
"Then stay."
                          
"I wanted to but I can't." I said and wiped his tears with my thumb.
                          
"I thought you love me."
                          
"I do. That's why I'm leaving, because I love you. You're getting hates as well because of being with me. I can't afford to hear other people say that you're such a douchebag for still being with me. I don't wanna hear them say that you are fucked up for choosing to love me. You don't deserve those judgmental words, Harry."
                          
"I don't care about them Y/N. As long as I'm with you I won't care about them. I'd rather be called douchebag than you leaving me. I would be more fucked up if you would leave." He said.
                          
"I love you Harry." 
                          
"You know what?! Just leave. Stop telling me you love or you're sorry if you'll still leave me because that won't change a thing." He let go of me. "Just go."
                          
I hugged him for one last time. I don't know if I have the right decisions but I already said it. 
                          
"Goodbye Harry." I kissed his cheek and went out of the door. 
                          
I heard him groan and throw things everywhere. I ran to my car and drove off. I don't know where to go now. I wish I made the right decision of letting him go. I would miss him. I don't wanna leave but its for his sake. He may not understand this now but soon in time.