his fear

                                    

                                          
i woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of shuffling from a few feet away from me. my eyes slightly opened to find patrick walking back in forth in what seemed like a panic.
                          
i sat up from my slumber and patrick immediately noticed and hurried over to me. he knelt down to get closer to me.
                          
"j-josh... did you see melanie and pete leave?" patrick asked in a whisper.
"no?" concern raised in my tired voice, "pete said he wouldn't go back and mel can't even walk."
                          
"well they're gone and i woke up tyler and brendon." patrick explained.
"and what did they say?"
                          
"brendon told me to fuck off and tylers on lookout." he told me.
"and where's tyler now?" i wondered.
                          
"i saw him walk into the building across the street so get a better view from the roof."
"the roof?!" i panicked slightly.
                          
"yeah it's the only building that has working stairs that lead to the roof." patrick elaborated in such a calm tone.
"i'm gonna go see what he's up to." i got up and began walking towards the building tyler was in. 
                          
as i was walking i heard patrick yell in whisper "stay safe" and i couldn't help but smile. you could tell that he cared for everyone, but he worries a whole lot too.
                          
i walked into the building and felt a very cold sensation overtake my body. the door as i opened it, the typical "old house" wooden floor creek. except, the floor wasn't wooden.
                          
i walked up what seemed like the endless flights of stairs until i made it to the door that led to the roof. i opened the door to see tyler sitting on the edge of he roof just about 10 feet away from me.
                          
i nearly passed out seeing how calmly he was sitting on the edge, but nevertheless i shut the door behind me and began walking towards him.
                          
he noticed i was there and turned his head to watch me stand a few feet from the edge and stay there.
                          
"what's up with you?" tyler asked with his head still turned towards me.
"i... i can't sit there." i told him in a rather timid voice.
                          
"and why not?" his calm tone never changing.
i paused, not knowing how to reveal my slight fear of heights. or my paranoia, rather.
                          
"i just can't sit there." it was beginning to hey obvious why.
"are you scared of heights?" he wondered.
                          
"maybe." i mumbled.
he chuckled a bit, thinking i was kidding. but when he saw the worried look on my face he gained empathy.
                          
"oh, you're serious?"
"yup." i answered.
                          
tyler then swung his feet back onto the roof from when he was dangling them on the edge. he then stood up and went a few feet away from the edge before sitting down and patting next to him,
                          
"we can sit here, unless you're afraid of sitting too." he joked.
"let's hope not." i couldn't help but crack as smile as i sat across, but still just a mere inches away from him.
                          
i stared down at my fingers teaching star-like patterns on the concrete flooring of the roof. i could feel tyler eyeing and down as i do this.
                          
"you seem worried." tyler stated.
"am i wrong to be?" i looked up to make eye contact with him.
                          
"no," he shook his head slightly, "you're not."
"aren't you worried?" i asked him.
                          
he sighed, breaking his eye contact with me,
"i'm terrified." he admitted.
"you? the big bad tyler joseph is terrified?" i tried to make light of the situation, but i was still surprised at the same time.
                          
"i'm not as bad as you think i am." he looked me in the eye and said this with a genuine voice.
"so then how bad are you?" i wasn't really picking up what he was saying.
                          
"not bad at all." he sighed.
"but i've seen what you can do. you have power over this clique... you punched dallon senseless... you shot frank and mikey, and that's just all i know about."
                          
"i do it out of impulse... and being the leader just means i have less killing to do. or no killing at all."
"you don't kill?" now this shocked me.
                          
he shook his head, "the only person i've really killed is jenna by showing my face when i know gerard would snap.
"so then why are people scared of you?"
                          
he paused for a moment looking confused, "people are scared of me?"
"you know how to make people listen and still teach them how to survive the world. but you do it in a way where people fear you. people are terrified of you, tyler joseph, but it's not always in a bad way."
                          
tyler took a minute to himself, i guess i don't blame him, it was a lot to take in. how did he not know people were scared of him? but it was apparent that this news surprised him too.
                          
"i don't blame them..." he said slowly, "i'm scared of myself too." 
"why?"
                          
"i don't know," he shrugged, "i'm just a goddamn mystery." he sounded slightly aggravated.
"is there a reason why you're scared at all?"
                          
tyler went almost sickly pale at my question, his breathing went shaky as he looked up at me and said,
                          
"i'm s-scared of death."